Post # 1
I impulse invited a friend to be one of my bridesmaids and now, we are not close, hardly talk, and never see each other. I have best friends from HS who I’m not asking for that very same reason (and they’ve known me AND my Fiance for grades 5-12), so why should I keep her in my party? We worked together in college and after reconnecting became really close for a brief period, but now it’s kinda awkward…. I’m not really mad at her for anythiing, our friendship just kinda fizzled.
So what do I do? I want my BM’s to be people who have stayed and will stay in my life.
How do you ask someone to step down? I have all of my girls dresses already but no one has paid us back for them so it’s not like she’d have a problem with already buying a dress.
Plus, I wanted to ask one of my FI’s cousins who I adore but she was in FL and I didn’t want to do the out of state thing. But guess what… now she’s moving here THIS WEEKEND. Makes it all even harder (or easier depending on what you think I should do)
Post # 3
Talk to her over a coffee or something, and explain to her that your FI’s cousin is moving there and family comes first. I’m sure she has also noticed that your friendship has "fizzled", so it may not be that much of a surprise to her. Just tell her you need the numbers to be even, and you must include your FI’s cousin before any friends. Tell her that she can still help with your wedding in other ways if she wants, and that you will still include her in the events (bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc.).
Post # 4
Such a good idea, the family thing. I’m that girl that hates hurting people’s feelings so this is so hard!
Post # 5
I’m a big believer in if you asked, then don’t unask. I think it’s kind of mean. Unless she invited herself to be in the wedding party, I see no compelling reason to unask her. She was very nice to say yes, and made a big committment to you in doing so. I imagine her feelings would be very hurt and may not even come to the wedding if you unask her. Is it really worth that?
Post # 6
I generally follow the same principals as doctorgirl.
You still have 10 month until your wedding. You have all the girls’ dresses. You also asked girls to be your BMs long enough ago to allow this particular relationship have time to fizzle out. Would it be fair to say you came off your proposal with an extra helping of overeagerness, that looking back…you’d do differently?
If the relationship has fizzled, I think the best thing you can do is get together with her and chat. Mention to her that you to haven’t been connecting too much lately. Try to catch up with her and see if she’s still OK to be in the wedding. Does she still want to be? Is there anything else going on, that caused her to lose touch? Perhaps she isn’t interested in being a Bm anymore. However, I think if she is, you should allow her to be.
And my own opinion, is that telling her she’s out by using family as trump, isn’t a good idea. I think the best move is feeling the situation out to see if she wants to be in the wedding, and allowing her to do so if she is. But if you are dead set against having her, I think the only way you should pose it, is that you have grown apart. Or take your lumps and say you made a mistake. That’s it. Don’t bring another person into the mix. I don’t know if I can put my finger on it. But it kind of comes across like you’re not owning your actions.
Post # 7
I agree with Doctorgirl as usual. I sort of think it would be mighty rude. Why don’t you just add another Bridesmaid or Best Man to include your cousin? You can have as many as you want you know 😉
Post # 8
As the day progressed (and mind you this has been on my mind for months… the issue of growing apart I mean) I thought more and more about just adding another person to my party and keeping the Bridesmaid or Best Man we are discussing.
To Tanya123, I definitely know that it was my choice in who to ask and when, and I would suggest to any other bride2B to wait much longer than I did! I mentioned that it was an "impulse" so I completely own up to my eagerness. After a 2.5 year engagement with 10 more months to go, eager is one of the best words to describe me at this point! So actually, I thought I was asking her with the right amount of time in terms of wedding planning, my regret is not waiting a little bit longer to see how our re-friendship progressed.
I know that ultimately it’s my choice and I really don’t want to be a bridezilla, I just don’t want to do something I regret either. From where I’m sitting it looks like I could regret any choice I make! So… I will make an arrangement to meet up with her. The awkwardness is very obvious now so we might as well put it on the table. I will ask her again about her interest in being a BM (I did a few months ago after the fizzle first started) and then go from there!
Pray for me!
Post # 9
Problem solved as of now! My Bridesmaid or Best Man and I are both makng efforts to talk more and maintain our friendship. As for my future cousin in law, she is an amazing dancer and I think I will ask her to do a performance either at the reception or ceremony. She also is a fantastic poet so we could ask her to read an original poem.
Thanks for the time/advice.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery
CEO528 I’m so glad you’ve worked this out and you’re reconnecting w/ your Bridesmaid or Best Man 🙂
Post # 11
Thanks Miss Frenchbulldog! I am too! Oh, and I just noticed that I tend to start posts with "okay" I’ll try to stop that….
Post # 12
im having problems with this to but mine was a moh issue and now she is a bridemaid but if there is more dramma I will just tell her your out. Talk to her and tell her she hasn’t been there for you some one more deserving should recieve the title.
Post # 13
just tell her u re not close anymore so you d rather not have her its really not that big of a deal I m sure she ll be relieved and in fact maybe even happy about it
Post # 14
Glad to hear things are looking up, CEO!