(Closed) Bridesmaid issue WWYD?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would let her know the price of the dress and gauge her reaction. I think if she says she cannot afford the dress then you have 2 options. you can pay the extra 50$ (if you can afford it), or if she is adimate about not paying offer to have her help in some other way, but let that be her doing not your choice

Post # 4
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I would give her a heads up about the price point of the dress and style. Maybe say something along the lines of “I know you wanted to spend under $100 on the dress and were hoping for a cocktail length dress, but this is the top contender for the bm dress. I hope you’re okay with it”. I’d leave it at that, see what she says. She may be more cooperative than you think.

Also, could you pay the difference of what she is comfortable paying?

Post # 5
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It’s really not very nice of her to try to dictate how much the dresses will cost, unless she’s on a very tight income (and I’m a grad student, so I get that). If she IS on a tight income, AND it’s important to you to have her involved, I think you should let her know in advance that this is the way that things may be trending, and offer to pay the extra $50. If she’s not on a tight income and is just trying to be controlling, then I think you can let her know the way that things are trending, say you’d love for her to be involved no matter the price, but that you understand if she would prefer to be a hostess. But yeah. You don’t need to let her preferences dictate your (very reasonable) choices.

 

Post # 9
Member
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I decided to ask my girls their budgets BEFORE looking at dresses, and plan to stay under the lowest budget to avoid this exact situation.  I decided, in the end, to pick a color and let them select a style/cut/price that suits their taste/body/budget.  It has been much easier on all of us this way, but I don’t suppose everyone would be ok with BMs who don’t have the exact same dress :/

Post # 11
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@ambereyez:  It really does sound like she’s fixing to make this all about her. If you’re scenting trouble on the horizon, then letting her know that you’re leaning towards a $150 long dress instead of the $100 short dress that she would prefer is a chance to see where her real interests lie. You can be very nice and very understanding if these options lead her to prefer to hostess, but again, unless she’s on a tight budget or has real body concerns, (neither of which you said apply), it’s also very revealing about her attitude.

Post # 12
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Awww…I mess the good old times when it was only about what the bide lookes like on her day to shine and wants.  It’s hard enough for us to find the perfect dress more less have to worry about what everyone thinks of the one we want them have on.  In the past or old days, if you excepted to be part in someone wedding you are stuck with whatever dress the bride picks out, opinions of like or dislike was not a concern really.   My MOH when she got married she picked out strapless floor length black dresses that were very flaw showing and did not look great on any of us and we had one very skinny girl, me, and three bigger girls, we all just laughed and said “ ____ I think this dress is some hidden form of punishment you are not telling us about” and we all laughed.  All had big boobs and one with no boobs and no one could keep the dress from sliding down.  We laughed all night at boobs popping out and underwire lines showing and one even took her underwire off IN THE CHURCH because of it. It was pretty entertaining because what we looked like or how comfortable we were was no relevance to us; it truly was all about the bride and groom and if this is what she wants us in for her photos so be it. Oh and the wedding was a full mass so it was 2 hours long and a lot of getting up and down. 

 

Post # 16
Hostess
23639 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@ambereyez:  She’ll live. 😛  Seriously though, I think you’ve been plenty understanding.  She can take it or leave it.  I think that your backup plan to make her hostess is a great “out” for her if/when she wants it!

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