Weddingbee boards

Hello, I've read some of the other posts about bridesmaid problems because I'm trying to get an idea of what to do about one of mine.  Because all of the scenarios are so different, I'm still confused on what to do....so I'm writing a post.

I've never posted a blog or anything so bare with me and I apologize if it's long.  I'll be giving some examples and explaining some things that have happened to try and convey that some of my frustrations with her are not only connected to my wedding.  I'll try not to ramble. :)

I have a friend that I've been close w/ for about 12-13 years.  I've been there for her through thick and thin, no matter what.  Picked her up from NY (I live in MD) when she wanted to come home early from a work trip and no one else would come get her.  Drove to FL to help her move to Orlando for a job.  She has lived in FL a couple times since high school so during those times I obviously haven't been able to see her often.  But typically we'd text all the time and post on each other's FB walls, etc.  We stayed in contact regardless of the distance.  I got engaged in December 2010 and even before then, our communication had died down a lot and I hadn't heard from her as much as I used to.  I saw her in January 2011 when she was home around the holidays.  We had dinner plans one night she was in town b/c she wanted to see the ring, hear the proposal story, all that.  I got to the restaurant we were supposed to meet at...waited at a table by myself for 20-30 min while she had said she was on her way (w/in 5-10 min away) a few times in that time period.  After about 40 min of waiting, she called and said she got lost trying going from the bar she was currently at to the restaurant we were supposed to meet.  She lived in that area for a few years and knew the roads pretty well from when she did live here (I know b/c I rode w/ her a lot)....but I gave her the benefit of the doubt.  So I GPS'd to the bar she was at and it was 5 min and 3 turns away from where I was.  It wasn't difficult to get to...so that was the 1st thing that frustrated me.  I didn't say anything and was still excited to see her.  She was at this bar with her old boss and a couple people from her old job here in MD.  That was cool.  I told her about the proposal, showed her the ring...she said "I better be invited to your wedding!"  I said hastily, "Invited, you're in it!  I was going to ask you to be one of my bridesmaids!"  She acted ecstatic and was so excited, almost cried.  Then about 5 min later she said she was leaving to go sing karaoke at yet another bar.  We had only talked for maybe 10-15 min....and she said she had to go.

For some reason, I kind of let that whole thing slide.  I know it's hard to come home and try and see as many of her friends as possible in a short period of time.  That's cool. 

In the past year though...we haven't talked on the phone once, rarely texted.  I've called her a few times and I always ger her voicemail.  She'll text and say she'll call me back.  She's even texted to tell me when she has a certain day off and she'll call me.  I tried to get a hold of her to let her know some details about the wedding I was excited about.  We had picked the date (finally), the venue, I got my dress, stuff like that.  She never returned my calls so I eventually text messaged her the date, that I got my dress and I'd like to talk to her about the wedding.  She texted back to me, "yayyyy".  That's it....hasn't asked about my dress, hasn't asked where the wedding is, nothing.  I'm not a bridezilla or anything, but if a good friend of mine texted me something like that, I'd want to know more details (especially if I'm IN the wedding).  I don't really bitch about anything...except I'm a procrastinator, but I have my MOH that's willing to listen to me about that stuff.  I just want to share some of the details b/c I figured she'd be excited (at least she seemed like it a year ago). 

She was in town recently for a week, I was out of town the 1st part of her visit home.  She kept saying we should get together..I tried to make dinner plans a couple times with no response.  She text messaged me at 11am on a Tuesday (she had told me she'd be here till that Thursday)to ask "where you at dawg? I leave tonight."  So I responded, "I thought you were here till Thursday?"  She said "no, she had to be at the airport at 4pm."  She was staying w/ her mom about 15 min from my work....so I asked if she could meet for coffee before she left.  She texted back, "ooo, I'm already on my way to Columbia to say bye to everyone" (all of her old co-workers at her old job up here.)  I was pretty hurt.  All I said was, "sorry we missed each other again, it's been too long, I'd like to see or talk to you soon".  She responded, for real! 

I know from being friends with her for so long, that she has a tendency to lie....a lot.  Typically it hasn't been to me (that I know of) and she's always made time for me/our friendship in some form or another.

Then that same Tuesday evening (when she was supposed to be on a plane out of MD) she text messages me, "When is your wedding again?"  I was dumbfounded.  I hadn't text messaged her longer than a week before she asked that to give her the date.  I didn't respond b/c I was frustrated.  She sends another text an hour later, "????????".   Again, I had nothing to say to her...I couldn't believe it.  So I called her that night, or the next day and left a message saying, "hey, it's me.  I hope you had a safe trip back to FL...I'd like to talk to you and catch up on everything...and let you know details about the wedding.  When you get a chance, if you could please give me a call back that'd be awesome!  Hope to talk to you soon...bye."  My tone was a little off and any friend of mine would be able to tell something was bothering me.  I'm not going to attack her or bitch at her...but after being one of my closest friends for the past 12-13 years, it really hurts that it seems like she's ignoring me or avoiding talking to me at all.  Forget that I'm getting married, but I feel like she's not making an effort to be a friend.  She text messaged me a couple days after that and said, "I'm gonna punch you :)"...which I'm assuming is her playful resonse to why I hadn't responded to her texts to confirm my wedding date.  Then about 6hrs later, she texts, "Just kidding.  Nevermind, I saw you sent the date.  I thought it was in March but that's a girl down here.  haha, sorry."  To me....it's just as easy to pick up the phone and call me.  I'm not a huge fan of talking on the phone either...but if I leave messages and say I'd really like to talk....texts aren't cutting it anymore.

So much for not rambling.  But I'm really torn.  I have another good friend that I didn't ask to be in my wedding but whom I know would step up and be somewhat interested on what's going on.  I don't need her to help address envelopes, nor do I want someone to assign tasks to during the planning, but I'd like to have a friend that seems interested in standing up there and supporting me during one of the biggest days of my life. 

Anyway, I really apologize for rambling and I hope I didn't come across as whining, but I'm just torn on what exactly to say to her and not cause a tons of resentment from her.  I have a feeling she'll get defensive and upset, but I'm trying to figure out if that really means that much since she doesn't seem to want to be a part of my life outside of the wedding.

Any advice or input someone has would be very much appreciated!!  I hate confrontation so I'm trying to resolve the situation with as little drama as possible!

Thanks in advance!...especially for reading my novel, haha. :)

@cerulean713: Thanks so much for the response!  I type fast and sometimes my messages are longer than I think.  Glad to know I didn't sound like I was rambling or whining! 

You're right, I know I need to be honest.  Just not sure why it's so hard w/ this one friend.  All of my other friends/bridesmaids have been asking me about things they can help with and offering their help with anything I need.  I'm not expecting that from my friend in FL, but no communication at all is so hurtful!  Sometimes I think if I just don't respond again she won't be able to show up b/c she doesn't even know where it is....haha.  I wouldn't do that...but I'll try the honesty thing and see what happens!

Thank you so much again for the advice, I hope she understands and takes it ok!  If not, I guess she wasn't really that good of a friend to begin with.

Good luck with your wedding and congratulations! :)

@kate02121: Thank you also for the response!  I've been stressing about this for a while now.  Normally I'd prefer text or email over talking on the phone also (I'm on the phone all day at work so I hate being on the phone after 6pm, haha.)   That used to be fine with our relationship, but after barely any responses and her failure to make an honest attempt to get together when she's been home the past couple times, I figured a phone call was overdue. 

I hope she's not jealous....she's had some issues w/ guys she's dated in the past.  Recently she did get a new bf that she's super excited about (I only know b/c she text messaged me about 10 pictures of her and him together and kissing in a 48 hr period).  I have been nothing but supportive and didn't even mention myself or the wedding when responding to her.  All I did was tell her how happy I was for her, and that she deserved someone great and someone to treat her right.  I hate technology nowadays....I guess it's frustrating when I see her update facebook or upload photos multiple times a day...but she can't take 10 seconds to respond to a text or phone call.  I hope I don't sound petty, I'm just frustrated. 

Again, I appreciate the response and advice!  I'm going to try calling her one more time to see if maybe she'll realize I'm really trying to reach out to her, then maybe she'll either pick up or respond.  If not, I'll have to write her a message on facebook to tell her how I feel.  That may be better b/c I'm pretty open and at least I can read my message before sending to make sure I don't sound like a bitch! :)

Thanks so much again!   :)

@SandyToes: Thanks!!  It's funny, I read the part of your response about the drunk dial after you confronted her...and I could picture my friend doing the same thing.  :)  Well at least a year ago she would've done that.  Thanks so much for the input! :)