Post # 1
Happy Friday Bees!
This post is about a sticky bridesmaid situation. I’m just beginning starting my planning process and choosing my entire bridal party. My MOH has already been selected and my bridesmaids are solidified for the most part. I have a friend from high school whom I don’t really see much anymore, but we do grab dinner or drinks on occasion. A week or two ago, we went to dinner, and she flat out asked me, “So, I’m definitely a bridesmaid, right?” Uh… I wasn’t exactly planning on asking her to be one. She can be a little flakey, and she does not get along at all with one of my other bridesmaids, a close friend of mine since childhood. I simply stated to her that I haven’t chosen my party yet. But, eventually I am going to have to tell her she is not a bridesmaid! I’m not good at telling people “no,” so I’m not sure how to handle this. Any advice??<br />Also, to make things worse, she showed me a list of the people she’s going to be having as her bridesmaids, and I was on the list! She’s not even engaged yet! wth?
Post # 2
I really hate it when people do this, its so rude! By showing you her “list” she’s pressuring you to pick her but because shes not engaged thats just wrong…. if she doesn’t get married for 5 years who knows if you guys will still friends.
I had this problem too but mine was my own fault. Before I was even engaged I had told one of my friends she’d be a bridesmaid and when the time came we had grown apart so I didn’t pick her and now she’s PISSED 🙁
Just go with the classic “I really wish I could have you but our wedding party is already too big etc…” My BM’s are all sisters/cousins so at least I could pull the “family first” line and no one can really argue that.
If you don’t wanna full out say no what about a Honourary Bridesmaid? I find that title is something you can tailor to your own needs depending on how included you want the person to be
Post # 3
RavenAVlahos: Don’t pick her. You weren’t planning to, and she shouldn’t bully you into choosing her. You don’t have to tell her “no.” You simply don’t ask her and as time goes on she’ll figure it out. Say you’re sorry but your bridal party was already too large but you’re excited to have her celebrate your wedding as a guest.
Post # 4
RavenAVlahos: It can be a sticky situation and if you let it will cause a major delay trying to tip toe around it and even making adjustments to fit everyone that wants to be IN the wedding. If you know she flakes and has issues with the other girls, don’t add her, that will cause more conflict and stress in your life. Just be honest and let her know that you have your party but honorned that she has you listed for hers.
I LOVE my friend since we were in middle school “Panda” very dearly but the flake factor is REAL!! Even though we have a blast when we get together and I would love to have fun with her during my wedding, I know I’ll be more concerned with flaking then the wedding. So I just told her the truth I’m having a small bridal party and with it being a destination wedding I have firm commitments and that’s how it went.
We still hang out and nothing has changed the friendship, she has even gone dress shopping with me a few times since all of my bridesmaids are out of state.
Post # 5
As a pp has said, don’t dance aroud the issue for fear of dealing with it. Simply tell her that the two of you have decided on a small wedding party.
Post # 6
I’m in the same boat, so I feel your pain. I haven’t told anyone who is in or out, except for the three family members in my line. Don’t pick her though, if she wasn’t the one you wanted in the beginning, she isn’t needed for sure!
Post # 7
I would say “I really value your friendship, and want you to attend as a guest (if you do) but I’ve pick ____, ______, _____ as my bridesmaids. I hope you understand. 🙂 I wouldn’t get into reasons because that might stirr up some stuff.
Post # 8
Thanks for all the advice ladies! I appreciate it 🙂
Post # 9
RavenAVlahos: Don’t do it, I had a similar situation. Flakey friend, pressured me to pick her, I did. Then she did nothing… then right before we paid for the dresses she dropped out and hasn’t shown up to any wedding event. Not good.
Tell her you can’t have everyone you wanted to because it would be too many so you picked a couple people you are closest to right now. She probably won’t accept that, depending on how mature she is, so she’ll be hurt. People get really weird around these things, but if you’re good enough friends then she’ll get over it. If not, it’s really a good thing you didn’t ask her to be in your wedding.
Post # 10
I have been in wedding partys that are huge because the bride “couldn’t chose between friends.” It was the worst bridial party expereince I have ever been part of. I really wish I would have known she was having such a large bridal party before I said yes, because I would have had a much better experience if I had just been a guest. I firmly believe it is better to pick a bridal party that you truly want by your side, not because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Any adult will get over it!