Bridesmaid Junior Bridesmaid Flower Girl Drama – Long Vent and Quest for Advice

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

Sorry, but I stopped reading about halfway through the second paragraph because I couldn’t keep up with the nicknames. 

Post # 3
Member
6906 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

SoonToBeMrsSkippyPeanutButter:  A couple of points:

* Regardless of whether the 12 year old is in the wedding party, you should seat her with at least one of her parents. You can’t sit a 12 year old apart from her parents, with virtual strangers! That said, it is fine to have her as a JBM. But it is also fine to sit a non-JBM at the head table with her parents.

* One year old (or 2 or really even 3) is too young to be a flower girl. She’d look cute but is very unlikely to do what she’s told. Plus, 1 year old is easily old enough to get babysat. So it makes no sense to include the 1 year old. (Unless there’s a really strong connection like she’s your own child, which obviously isn’t the case here).

I think you should just include the 12 yo (as junior BM) and when it comes up, explain the reasoning to the 1 year old’s mother. If she gets upset, too bad, she’ll get over it.

As for asking your fiance to be a god parent but not you: is it that your fiance was initially Mr Magic’s friend, so they’ve known him longer? If that’s the case, then you’re really only their friend through him. In that case it’d be natural to choose your fiance ahead of you. Also, it wasn’t “she” who chose your fiance as godparent, the parents would have chosen him together.

Post # 4
Member
5695 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Firstly, the responsibility of being a godparent isn’t automatically extended to the godparent’s partner, so really your fi should have been the one to get your insight, not his friend. Secondly, unless there is actually a will directing care of the children to your Fi, then the godfather title is purely symbolic; the children’s grandparents, aunts and uncles would be the  the most likely custodians, not the godfather. So you may be getting worked up over nothing.

the rest of it is honestly too complicated for me to keep straight but it’s absolutely reasonable for members of your bridal party to express displeasure that their very young child is not welcome at your wedding, just like it’s absolutely reasonable for you to not want to change your minds. You need to keep the discussion focused on the fact that your wedding is child-free, not what any other couple is doing. But if you make exceptions to your child-free rule, you will piss people off (because it’s rude) so decide what you’re going to do and stick with it.

And you need to get over the dress shopping thing because honestly no one needs an entourage to go shopping and its not fair to agree to something (changing the shopping date) then keep banging on about it. 

Relax, relax, relax.

Post # 6
Member
3632 posts
Sugar bee

SoonToBeMrsSkippyPeanutButter:  My sister in law was obsessed for years, about her daughter being someone’s flower girl. She had the girl ask at least 2 brides to be, if she could do it, and both declined the offer.

I think Mr. Skippy should be the one to take Mr. Movie aside and explain the situation, concerning his goddaughter. And that there’s no possibility you two will change your mind. I don’t know how Mrs. M. thinks that she and Mr. M. can participate in a bridal party, and take care of a 1-year old, at the same time. Plus, if the ceremony is held in a church, there are many that have a minimum age policy, for wedding participation.

Of course, Mrs. Movies may throw a fit about it, threaten to drop out of the bridal party, threaten to not attend, or bring the baby anyway. And if she brings her, I just know she’ll dress her up as a flower girl, and insist she be in a lot of photos.

P.S. I love Jif PB. 😮

Post # 8
Member
6906 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

SoonToBeMrsSkippyPeanutButter:  But what if you and Mr. Skippy break up? Remember they are trying to consider the worst case, very unlikely, scenario. In that case, they need to choose one or the other of you. I’m sure you think your fiance is wonderful, loving, dependable, etc. You should be thankful that you are marrying a man about whom other people think the same!

Post # 11
Member
41840 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

SoonToBeMrsSkippyPeanutButter:  I think you are making way too big a deal about the incident when you were dress shopping. One person thinking she might have to cancel, then changing her mind and going after all, happens all the time.

Suggesting her daughter be the flower girl is inappropriate and rude, but understandable. Almost all mothers think their daughters would make a cute flower girl. She got carried away with her excitement and the idea of having their daughter in the wedding party with them.

You didn’t mention her persisting in this behavior so I assume it was a one time thing. Put it behind you. Everyone else has probably already done so.

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