Weddingbee boards

I really agree with what others have said here. An hour doesn't seem much -- but if you're only a month or two out from giving birth, it's a big ask. She's probably exhausted, her hormones are still absolutely crazy and playing havoc with her emotions, and there is the possibility of post-natal depression as well. Her body hasn't recovered and chances are she is a bit apprehensive about how much it will recover and what sort of dress she'll be comfortable wearing.

Even if it's not her first baby, it's a really tough time -- and as you've got no looming deadlines (my wedding is a year and a week before yours and I haven't ordered bridesmaids' dresses yet) -- I'd put this on hold for a couple of months.

Think of it this way -- Saturday is her ONLY day off. The only day she can catch up on all the things she needs to do for the entire week. With friends of mine, that included washing their hair and doing the laundry as well as trying to catch up on some sleep, do the groceries, buy stuff for herself and her child, etc. 

Try to put yourself in her position. She gave birth a month ago, and she's almost certainly a physical and emotional wreck, even if she hasn't said so openly. And she's getting pressure from you to go and look at dresses for a wedding that's a year and a half away. She could be forgiven for feeling like you're more interested in her as your bridesmaid than her as your friend who may be having a tough time. I'm sure that's not how you mean it -- but that's definitely how it might come across.

@FutureMrsChane, I think what people are trying to say is that this probably isn't a great time for her to be making decisions about whether she wants to be in the wedding or not.

I am totally with you on wanting to look at dresses -- I was sad when circumstances meant I couldn't go out looking with my girls right away. But it's probably not the right time for her to look at dresses.

I'd give her a couple of months then reevaluate and, if she's still not engaging with the wedding, then have a conversation with her about it. Chances are she'll be in a much more settled place by then -- and if she wants to pull out, she'll know it for sure, rather than being uncertain and overwhelmed like she may be right now.

Good luck!

FutureMrsChaney, I don't think anyone was accusing you of being heartless or a "nut job."  I get that you're really excited and you think you've found just what you want and you'd like to go shopping now because it's fun!  But I know my good friend who had a baby last year said she didn't go shopping for 6 months afterwards, partly because she was still getting used to her new body, and partly because she was nursing and sometimes her boobs leaked and she didn't want that to happen while she was wearing clothes she didn't own.

So I think what people are saying is that your friend's reluctance to go shopping with you doesn't mean she's not interested in the wedding or that she doesn't want to be your bridesmaid.  Being a new mom is a big transition, and an hour of her time may feel like an impossible request right now.  If she's still acting completely uninterested a year from now, that's a different thing.  But right now, given that she's got an infant at home and your wedding is almost two years away, I think you can afford to be a little patient with her.

Maybe she is not comfotable with her body right now, so she's trying to avoid trying on pretty dresses.  If the baby is only 1 month old, she's probably still not feeling like her usual self yet.  I have THREE bridesmaids who have babies, a 6 month old, a 10 month old, and a 13 month old.  And I had to DRAG them ALL to go take their measurements.  They were all still super-self conscious about their bodies still.  But they absolutely HAD to go this month cuz the wedding is in March!!!  I had just shown them all pics of dresses before and they all voted for the one they liked best.  Good thing it was a unanimous decision. lol I also want to add that I have no children, and that when all my friends started having babies, I hardly saw them at all.  It really takes up your whole life.  But gradually as the baby gets older, they will get back to the non-baby world.  I think you should turn to your other bridesmaids for opinions and excitedness right now, but still keep her in the loop of the decisions.  Don't give up on her just yet! Her baby will be well over a year old by the time your wedding comes around.  Just be patient with her.