Post # 1
I have six months to go till the wedding and all is going well except that one of my bridesmaids seems to have developed a “crush” on my Fiance. She is a lot younger than me (18) so obviously I do understand that she will act differently around boys and I give her allowances because she is generally a flirty person but she keeps going too far.
For example-when we were all having dinner one night (Me, fiancee, her and some other friends), she kept putting me down in order to make herself look better (such as saying that at work I made up rubbish and was on a power trip wheras she is always left in charge) and disagreeing really ferociously with anything I said.
She then found a common interest in a tv show that her and my fiancee both have. He said he’s been trying to get me to watch it (which is true, but it’s a fairly intellectual show and 9pm after a long day at work really isn’t the time for me). She kept saying “do u want to watch it” to me at various times throughout the night (12, 3am etc) then when I said not now, saying “I would want to”
She also feels the need to run up and hug my fiancee every time she sees him-even without hugging me sometimes.
I know I am just being crazy and totally trust my Fiance and am aware that she is just being immature and babyish. I’m even sure she doesn’t mean a thing by it as she is flirty. It is just really annoying me!!!
Sorry for the rant, I don’t expect any words of wisdom as really I am being over-jealous and crazy, It just helps to have a little rant about it 🙂
thanks bees xx
Post # 3
i would definitely chalk up her behavior to age and immaturity. still, you should talk to her about how she’s coming across. don’t be accusatory (you’re flirting with my fi!), but tell her that sometimes her actions and words don’t come across very well. she needs to be more aware of what she says and does, and how her actions can affect others. also, people won’t ever take her seriously if she just flirts with everyone.
Post # 4
Ok Tessica, take a deep breath. Remember, your fiancee loves you, not this little girl. Think about all of the qualities your fiancee loves about you. Now think about how you acted when you were 18. She’s just being a little girl. Remember, your fiancee loves you because you’re a woman.
Post # 5
OK, can you give a little background? I’m wondering who this girl is…is she a relative of some sort? Just wondering if you guys were close before or if theres another reason she’s in the wedding.
Knowing me, i’d probably say something even if i did it in a semi-playful (but to the point) way. Something like “OK, you do realize thats MY fiance, right?”
She’s young..true. Still, I get your irriation since boundaries are boundaries. If SHE is going to act inappropriate though, that sort of opens things up to allow YOU to be a tad bit rude in return. Nothing over the top, just something to let her know her actions are making you uncomfortable.
Post # 6
@kitzy: Thankyou 🙂 I have heard that before, she flirted with my cousin and one of my male friends, one of which said she came on way too strong for him and the other who thought he had a real chance, until she decided he wasn’t her type the week after…
I tried to gently tease her by calling her a flirt jokingly but she just said O I don’t flirt…
I sometimes wish I could flirt, so I could flirt with people that she is interested in, yet my flirting skills usually come across as insane and crazy
thankyou for the reply 🙂
Post # 7
Billysbride: she is one of my closest work friends and one fo the first people I met up in my new job (i moved here a year and half ago), we do get on great and i don’t really mind her flirting usually because i am not really interested in picking up guys when we go out, just this time she picked the wrong person. I do like that though, I might say that next time! I think she’ll get the hint
Lissie: thanks 🙂 i think i do need to calm down, just having a rant on here though did make me much calmer!
Its just been a busy few days and i have not had the chance to call home or speak to any other friends and have a crazy rant
Post # 8
If she is putting you down in front of your Fiance to make herself more attractive to him, she is not your friend. That’s not harmless, unintentional flirting. Trust me, she knows exactly what she’s doing and the, “Who me? Flirting? Oh we’re just having fun!” shtick is all an act.
Every friendship I’ve ever had with a girl like that has ended in ridiculous drama. Thankfully, high school was a long time ago and I no longer tolerate that kind of behavior in my adult friendships. I hope I’m not coming across as preachy, but I just don’t think you’re being overzealous and crazy. I think you’re having a normal reaction to someone who is acting like a triflin ho (in the words of Aubergold).
Post # 9
“If she is putting you down in front of your Fiance to make herself more attractive to him, she is not your friend. That’s not harmless, unintentional flirting. Trust me, she knows exactly what she’s doing and the, “Who me? Flirting? Oh we’re just having fun!” shtick is all an act.”
I completely agree. Friends don’t cut friends down.
If you want to maintain your friendship with her, stop inviting her out to events/gatherings where your Fiance will be present. Just remove her from the ‘temptation’ entirely. If she asks why, tell her that you don’t appreciate the way she acts when toward you when she’s around him and that you don’t like her hanging off your partner. Because he is in fact that, your partner. Your future spouse, not just some random guy that she can ‘entice’ away from you.
I’m a terribly blunt person, with no qualms over speaking my mind. Were I in your situation the next time she put me down to make herself look better I would call her out on it, or if we were at my home I would tell her to leave. .