Post # 1
I was working on planning the bridesmaid luncheon and my FMIL was helping me look at restaurants where we could have it. I saw a place that I really liked and she looked at it and said "That won’t accommodate nearly enough people!" I said I only had about 8 people in mind to invite and she said she couldn’t imagine having less than 30!!! For the record, my mom, not my FMIL, is hosting and paying for this. We are also already having 50 people at the rehearsal dinner and the guest list for the morning after brunch is already 80 people! I just want to have a quiet lunch with my bridesmaids… I’m inviting the mothers and grandmothers, and my FSIL, basically just because I have to, but I don’t want to invite all of my FIs female cousins and every female relative I have- they’re all coming to the rehearsal dinner that night already and I barely know some of them!
I have never been a bridesmaid before so I don’t know– am I way out of line? Are bridesmaid luncheons normally yet ANOTHER huge party for your wedding weekend? How many people are you inviting?
Post # 3
I had lunch with just my BMs, one friend from out of town, my mom and MOH.
I definitely wouldn’t want a crowd. It was a time for us to chat and relax. I definitely didn’t want to feel like I had to entertain guests.
I think you should just tell your FMIL that your maids are expecting some intimate time with you- not a big crowd of people.
Post # 4
Wow, there’s a bridesmaids luncheon?!
Post # 5
@mrbee I swear to you, if my family could make this a week long event with a different party for 100+ people they would invent events to host. i wanted 15 people at the rehearsal, 50 at the wedding and that has just been tossed right out the window
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2005 - Westside Loft, New York
the bridesmaids luncheon is typically just for you and your bridesmaids. with all those other events around your wedding, it seems like you’ve made a big effort to really include your guests?
check out mrs. raspberry’s super duper cute bridesmaid luncheon, complete with hats!
Post # 7
I agree. Too much. Maybe you can tell her, that you don’t have the emotional stamina for this many big gatherings. You need sleep and down time too. The luncheon needs to be small, personal, to thank your BM’s before a hectic wedding day, in which you won’t have as much time to hang out with them. I hope she is accepting of this answer.
Post # 8
Is a BM luncheon a well known thing in another part of the country? I’m in CA and I’ve never heard of it.
Post # 9
My bridesmaids’ luncheon will include my six BMs, my friend who is going to read at the ceremony, my mom, and the two ladies who are hosting it (two of my high school teachers — how great is that??). Oh, and me, of course! 😉 We’re having it at someone’s home.
I don’t know if it’s regional, but in my part of the South the bridesmaids’ luncheon is a pretty standard part of the wedding weekend.
Post # 10
Google bridesmaids lunch and you’ll see it’s a old fashioned, mostly southern tradition. I’ve been to one, and found it wonderful. It was bigger, but fun to relax with all the ladies. A family friend offered to host one for me, and it will probably be under 20 people — the bridesmaids (6), the moms (2), and our special aunts/surrogate moms. It is a time to honor your bridesmaids, so you should absolutely keep it as small as you want. The bride is traditionally the host, so I think it is perfectly appropriate to tell your FMIL that you want keep the event small, to keep the focus on your bridesmaids.
Post # 11
This is too funny!! I am so deeply southern that it never even occurred to me that people might NOT have bridesmaid’s luncheons! I always thought they were just something you do! They are as integral to the wedding weekend as the rehearsal dinner, in my mind. But this is coming from someone who was mystified when her fiance couldn’t grasp the concept of a groom’s cake, and even more mystified when he didn’t understand why it would be DELIGHTFUL if it was a red velvet cake in the shape of an armadillo!
Post # 12
Yeah, definitely BM’s only. It’s pretty nice of you to invite your FMIL and FSIL and FGMIL already. I always think of it as a way for the bride to have a special moment with the women who mean the most to her in her pre-married life. So no, you do not need to invite them if you do not want to. As to how to handle it, I think you should just tell her that this is what you’ve envisioned and you really need it. Hopefully she’s not so overbearing as to insist (even if she doesn’t understand). If it gets ugly (and I hope it won’t), though, it probably would make sense to have your FH intervene. It sounds like you’re having a big wedding and I suspect you’ll really need this break…If you think about it in that way it’ll probably help you stand firm.
Post # 13
Definitely only have your BMs there. I think inviting everyone else could stifle the conversation. I know what I talk about around my mom is way different from what I talk about with my BFFs. Plus there’s always jokes about the wedding night. I would be mortified if my mom heard anything about it!!
Post # 14
In Massachusetts they are very common. I have never been a bridesmaid and have not been part of one, but from my understanding, it is usually the bride and her bridesmaids, including the mothers is optional (I plan to) and I honestly haven’t heard of including anyone else, but since regions vary, it may be different near you.