Post # 1
So I have my first wedding party-related quandry. One of my bridesmaids (who happens to be my fiance’s sister) emailed to ask me about wedding day hair and make-up. I had previously thought about paying for professional stuff for everyone, but I really thought that budget money would be better served elsewhere. I figured that since all of my girls are super stylish and always look amazing, doing their own hair and make-up every day, it would be no big deal to just do it ourselves. I had solicited my MOH to help me with my hair, but our wedding isn’t going to be super fancy and it’s in a very rural area, so it made sense to be self sufficient.
Anyway, my FSIL asked if she could get her hair and make-up professionally done. She had researched spas and picked the most expensive one in the area, and she wants to get herself done up. She said if I say no it’s fine, or if we all want to come along it’s fine.
And now I just don’t know. Obviously, if one person is going to a spa then we all should. I don’t know about people coming to my house to help us get ready, but the wedding’s on a Sunday so I might be able to find someone (though I really don’t feel like looking). But now I feel like things are spiraling beyond the simple preparation I was envisioning. I’d feel nuts if I “forbid” my bridesmaids to spend their own money on getting ready, and I’d also feel obligated to pay for it if that’s what everyone wanted.
So should I pay for that instead of gifts? Should I nicely explain why I would prefer she didn’t? Should I ask the other girls?
Post # 3
Don’t BMs cause such stress sometimes!
It’s best not to disallow her from getting it done professionally if she is wanting to however I would gently explain your reasons for wanting everyone to do it themselves/together. She may want it done professionally because she feels like she can’t do it well enough and doesn’t want to disappoint you. I’d talk to her about it.
Stick with what you originally wanted and tell the other girls your plans. If they refuse to go along with you (which I personally think would be quite rude), let them pay for it professionally themselves. I wouldn’t give it to them as gifts, because it’s not what you wanted them to do and they should respect that.
Post # 4
@Pia2010: That’s a helpful suggestion, thanks. I just always pictured getting ready for my wedding while drinking mimosas and watching girly movies in my parents’ house. But on the flip side, she’s not only my bridesmaid but also the sister of the groom. Meaning she wants to look good for her brother’s wedding, which I can’t fault, so now I’m a bit torn. Grr – I knew my people would do whatever I wanted, but I don’t want to have to control everyone!
Post # 5
Pia2010 gave great advice, but I thought I’d add my two cents, too :). I would explain to her (along with everything else), that you really wanted everyone to get ready together. If some of her concerns are that she’s not good enough to do her own makeup, have someone help her.
If she still wants to go, I would just let her, but not take all the BMs. That sounds like it would be really expensive, and I don’t think your FSIL should really be dictating your BM gifts (not that she’s maliciously trying to, but that would be the end result).
Post # 6
I agree that explaining that you’d like all the girls to get ready together and that it is important to you is the first step. After that, if she is not comforatble doing her own hair/makeup for your wedding, just ask that she have it done and be over to meet the rest of you at the same time you plan to start getting ready so she can still be around for that girl time. Just make a day of timeline and have the ‘meet time’ at whatever time with the caveat that any girl who wants to get her hair/makeup done professional should plan to have it done with enough time to arrive at the ‘meet time’ and then get dressed with everyone.
Do not pay for any of their hair/makeup. Since you are not requireing them to have it done, you have no obligation to pay for that expense.
Post # 7
I would just let them do as they please. My FMIL last minute has decided to go get her hair done somewhere else because she thinks it will be cheaper. FYI the hairdresser is charging $50 which is a steal for wedding hair in CT. I just decided to let it go and let them do whatever they want.
Post # 8
Definitely not a good idea to force anyone in your bridal party to get ready a certain way. If she wants to spend her own money on a spa for makeup, just let her do it.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone! I talked to my sister (MOH) and she had pretty much the same advice. I’m going to respond and say that I want everyone to get ready together, but if she wants to have hers done professionally, she can just do that beforehand. That way, we get our togetherness time without me dictating anyone’s prep. My sister is fully on board with doing hair/make-up ourselves, but I’m going to check with the other maids to give them the option (so they don’t feel uninformed).
I appreciate the comments!