Post # 1
I am planning to get married in April 2015 and got engaged in October, I was really excited at first until I told the girl who I thought was my best friend. I told her I was engaged and she ranted at me for 3 hours telling me I was making a mistake, I am too young (24) and she thinks I am just getting married because he is the first guy to ask. my FI wasy best friend for 3 years being dating, we have been living together 2 years now. I will admit a year ago he got depression and it was a hard time but the last year we have been great and love each other very much. But she can’t see it, she masks all her criticism with comments like “I love you but…” Or “have you thought about this love?” I thought at first she did care and was just concerend to I asked her to be a brides maid…big mistake! At my birthday she got drunk and told me I just marry anyone, pretended to propose and then went “oh your already marrying the wrong person” and told guys to take “incriminating” photos with me so my fiancé would dump me. I confronted her and she said nothing and for a long time ignored me. She then acted like nothing happened and went back to being pretend concerend “you should lose weight so you look good on the day” (I’m a size 10/12…not fat) and bitching about me to friends about things I never did, I saw her at a party she refered to me as being “smug” for saying I was happy, and then talked about how another friend of hers is getting engaged and she is so happy for her as she is marrying “the right guy, it’s sad when people don’t” while when I got engaged all I got was grief she is now critising my plans to get married in the Lake District messaging me saying “I support you but did you think this through? Can you afford this?” Is any bridesmaids stuff needs doing she overrides my decisions, takes over and tells me my choices are bad. I have confronted her but she turned it on me. She is close friends with my other bridesmaids and have been told I can’t get rid of her cos they will walk. I am so hurt, I thought she was my friend. I’ve been trying to plan without her but she will still find ways to criticize me 🙁
Post # 3
@An_idiot_a_bride: Dump her as bridesmaid. Whatever she does after you dump her, it couldn’t be worse than this.
I could forgive the initial criticism if she meant it as a friend, but the way she’s behaved since – she’s not being a friend. And trying to get the other BMs to gang up on you is disgusting – it’s a petty high school move, not a thing adults do.
If your other BMs walk – well then you know who your true friends are and you’ve got a whole year to find a new bridal party or have no bridal party at all. But no bridal party at all would be preferable to this.
p.s. I see this is your first post, so welcome to Wedding Bee!
Post # 4
Welcome to the Bee!
Dump the bitch. If the other girls feel that way, then screw them. This wedding is about you and the man you love. If someone doen’t support that, they have no right to be there on the day, let alone be a bridesmaid.
Good luck xx
Post # 5
You shouldn’t have to put up with all this nonsense. So I’d suggest she steps down as bridesmaid. If the rest of them walk then it just proves that they weren’t real friends in the first place either. If your wedding is not until 2015 then you’ve got plenty of time to replace them with people who will be there for you.
Post # 6
It’s your special day. Dont let someone as petty as this get in the way of it all. She’s completley selfish and to me it sounds like she’s a little jeaous. If she’s like this before your wedding what an earth is she going to be like on the day?! You’ll be fretting about it before hand too, it’s not worth it at all, and neither is she!
Post # 7
Wow. If she really was sincere about not thinking he’s the right man for you, first of all I’d assume she’d go about telling you differently – what she did is just rude. Secondly, she should respect your choice, no matter what she thinks – it’s your marriage, not hers, she has no say in it – especially about the choice of groom!
If the other bridesmaids actually threatened to walk if you dropped her as a bridesmaid, I honestly wouldn’t feel too badly – if that’s enough for them to give up on your big day, perhaps they shouldn’t have been there in the first place (though if you do drop her, you should make sure the other BMs understand the reasons why you did so). Your friend is being extremely immature.
Post # 8
@An_idiot_a_bride: Oh my! So much negativity!
Has she always hated FI that much? or did she just start to tell you this after the engagement.
I definitly think you deserve someone more supportive around.
Post # 9
@An_idiot_a_bride: It’s clear that neither of you want her as a bridesmaid. You’re free to release her from her duties.
What worried me is that she has been publically critising your relationship, and no one else has called her out. It’s worthwhile asking other trusted advisers what they think of your relationship – one person against your marriage is a fluke, several people is food for thought.
Post # 10
Thank you everyone, I think I am going to have to talk to her about stepping down I just hate confrontation and have no idea how to broach the subject. In terms of other people they have been calling her out and saying she is wrong but she won’t listen. My close friends know we are good together and like him. It does not stop her though, she makes out to everyone she is being sincere and people are starting to believe her.
Post # 11
Tell her you don’t think she should be a bridesmaid. She sounds like a nightmare.
Post # 12
@An_idiot_a_bride: I’m not to crazy about my dear friend’s husband. HOWEVER I fully support her right to marry him. Obvioulsy she sees something I don’t.
That being said, it’s ok to have concern but what your friend is doing is down right wrong.
If the other girls walk out, let them. Why would they support someone who is treating you so badly?!
When you do make her leave, ignore the drama. When you ask her to step down, I would immediately let the others in the party know what she has done. Tell them you can no longer accpet her bad behavior and if they agree with her than you can no longer be friends whil people who agree to let you be treated like dirt.
Yeah, this is cause a shit storm. BUT, do you really want to look at this girl FOREVER in your wedding photos???
Post # 13
Yeah, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. The girl is not being a friend to you. You should cut her out of your life. Your other friends will stick by you if they’re your real friends and if not, then I guess now you’d know.
You should just tell her that a bridesmaid is supposed to be there to support the bride on her big day and since she’s been nothing but incredibly unsupportive you have no choice but to ask her to step down.
Post # 14
@An_idiot_a_bride: If you hate comfrontation, then send her a text or email saying something like this:
“Dear Sue, you being a bridesmaid just isn’t working. A bridesmaid needs to be supportive, but you have said many times that you don’t support my engagement. And now you are arguing over my wedding decisions. Therefore I have decided that it’s best if you aren’t a bridesmaid in my wedding. Paula”.
I do think it is better to do this in person. But if you really can’t, then a text or email as a last resort is better than doing nothing.
Post # 15
@An_idiot_a_bride: This suuuucks. But yeah – she’s got to go. Be as nice about it as you can be, but I guarantee you that her attitude and your subsequent misery will end up overshadowing your day, and that is just NOT right.
It’s going to suck… no two ways around it. It’s going to come off as ‘drama,’ and I know no one likes to opt in to all that… but she’s bringing it to you.
Take back control of your life, your wedding, and your happiness. TELL her she’s no longer included – don’t ask – and explain to key mutual friends that this was the best decision and you appreciate their support and understanding.
Time will wash all this drama away and you’ll be left with wedding photos. Don’t let this bitch be in them.
Post # 16
Oh, and you’re NOT an idiot. You’re confident in your love, it sounds like you supported your FI through a difficult time, and you’re clearly being considerate of how your needs (ditching this bitch) will effect your group and those around you.
I hopey our real handle is something that reflects that. Don’t let this bitch convince you you’re an idiot. You’re a bride, in love, and you’re getting married! Congratulations! 🙂