Bridesmaid might not be able to attend

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@love108:  Clinical are a big deal. My stepsister is missing my wedding due to clinicals. I don’t give her grief about missing my wedding and she doesn’t give me grief about missing her graduation.

Post # 4
8 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think she is a very lucky girl to have a friend who wants to be there so badly! 🙂

However, I think asking her to get a dress and pay for it if she then won’t come, is not totally cool. If I were you, I would buy the dress and pay for it myself. If she can’t come, you can either sell it or even use it yourself, since those wrap dresses are really one size. 

Post # 6
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would definitely get her the dress yourself. 

Post # 9
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@love108:  I don’t see the harm in just asking, “Here’s the dress, do you want buy in case you might make it?”  As least give her the option of buying it 🙂

Post # 10
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I can only imagine how terrible she feels. When I was in nursing school, it was frowned upon to even *ask* about missing a clinical day. If you missed more than like two in the entire program (4 years!!) you were out on your butt. It just stinks that she won’t know whether she’ll be able to come until closer to the day. 

I do like the idea of you buying the dress for her regardless. It would be such a sweet gesture, and I’m sure she’d love it!! 


Post # 12
6700 posts
Bee Keeper

May I just say this is a nice and  refreshing post.  You sound like a grear friend and your plan sounds fine.  You could  give your friend the option of buying the dress on the chance she will be able to make it or opting out.   Or you can make it a  gift it to her. 

Post # 15
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

You could just not officially have her as a bridesmaid, but include her in the wedding in another way if she does show up.

Post # 16
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@love108:  Exact same thing happened with my friend. Same nursing degree program with clincials that she was not allowed to miss. I offered to buy her the dress and if she could make it – at least it would be there and if she couldn’t she’d have a dress! I told her even if she couldn’t make it to the wedding, I still wanted to honor her in that position (ie. get her the bridesmaids gifts and celebrate with her with stuff that would be closer to home instead of where our DW wedding was). To top it off, I suggested doing a photo shoot the summer after her clinicals were done with all the girls – that way even if she couldn’t be there on the actual wedding day, I would still have a picture with all my fav girls in it.

Unfortunately this didn’t work out well. Really all I wanted from her was to see her try to come or want to do one of the options I listed. However, she never even asked her school. She asked around to others in her program and everyone seemed to think it wasn’t possible (and granted maybe it wasn’t), but she never actually went to her professors and tried or asked. She also got upset with me and told me I was “guilting” her into it and adding too much pressure. In hindsight, she was under a lot of pressure and my gestures of trying to make it easier for her to feel included just felt like more pressure and reminded her she couldn’t be there.

We’re still friends, but I woudn’t say she’s a best friend anymore. After this happened a year ago she just fell off the face of the planet. I get grad school – both my fiance and I have our masters. However, if it had been her wedding (before all this happened) I would have at least tried to move heaven and earth to be there and would have taken whatever she offered to let me be as included as possible.

Anyhow, dont know where I am going with this. I guess just be careful not to push too much? I think getting the dress is a great idea – but maybe its something you do for her (you pay for it) and dont even tell her. Then if she can make it, you can surprise her, but if she can’t, maybe just keep the dress for yourself or give it to her after as a gift.  

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