(Closed) Bridesmaid missed the deadline

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Maybe offer to go with her? If the issue is time, then maybe go out to lunch with her and then go try on the dress. Maybe she’s worried she can’t afford to pay you back? Have you talked with her about that?

Post # 4
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

Sounds like you have done all you can do.  It’s on her to go and order it if she still wants to be in the wedding.  If you made that clear to her, then the ball is in her court now.

Post # 5
Member
1775 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I would find out when is the latest she can order it and have it in time for the wedding.  I would tell her this date and if she misses it, then as much as it pains you, that she won’t be able to be in the wedding.

Post # 6
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think you have done the right thing and there is not much else you can do but wait until Friday!

Could you set up a time to go with her?

Post # 7
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Personally, just let her make the decision for you. Either she gets the message and orders the dress NOW or she doesn’t, and she’s made the decision to not be in the wedding. She likely doesn’t understand that BM dresses take some time to be made, ship, etc and she doesn’t understand the importance of said deadline. It’s not something you can just pick up from the mall (or at least yours aren’t).  Maybe make a date to meet her at the store to try it on and order it this week and have it done with.

Post # 9
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If it’s money could you order itnow and arrange a repayment plan with her?  I know its a pain xxx

Post # 11
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

Maybe she is really self conscious and can’t bring herself to trying it on or buy it in the size she’s in, no matter how much she might want to be in the wedding.  She might just feel really embarrassed and upset, even though she may not be showing it.  I’ve always felt really bad about my size, and have even felt uncomfortable going to weddings when I’ve felt bad about my size.  It can even be worse when you’re in the bridal party.  I’m sorry that for both of you, if she can’t get passed her feelings and isn’t able to step up to the plate, so to speak.  I know it would be hard, but maybe try not to take it personally if she isn’t in your wedding. 

Post # 12
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Perhaps she is self-concious and is using money as a way to not have to tell you the real reason. Or maybe it is money. Either way, I think beyond letting her know the deadline and offering to go with her (and possibly setting up a repayment deal) the ball is really in her court. I’d let her know that you really want her in the wedding and that this is important to you and that you’re willing to go with her or whatever. Beyond that, she either will get the dress or she won’t and you’ll know she’s not going to be in the wedding.

Post # 13
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i agree with the PP in that you have done pretty much everything you can to make it easy on her. All you can do is find out the latest possible deadline, let her know that she MUST buy the dress by then or just not be in the bridal party. if shes as good of a friend as you make her out to be, she will suck it up even if she doesnt like the dress, or her size, etc. if money is the issue, offering to pay for it now and she cna pay you back later pretty much lets her off th ehook then, so thats a non-issue.

its either something else going on, whether it be shes not happy with her self image and either wanted to lose weight before ordering her dress, or something similar. make sure she knows that you love her as she is and no matter what would want her to be part of your big day.

the ball is in her court then, either she buys it and thats it, or she doesnt buy it and makes the decision for you.

good luck! {HUGS}

Post # 14
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am so sorry you are going through this. 2 of my 4 BM’s haven’t gotten theirs either.  I am getting married a week before you and they still haven’t gotten them! It takes 8 weeks to get dresses in and I am worried. However, I have decided I will send one email and call once more that is it. If they haven’t gotten any by then we will go on without them.

Post # 15
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I would just leave as you did. She is the one who is going to be missing out, and it’s not like you haven’t gone out of your way to assist her in buying the dress. I have a bm/co moh who still hasn’t gotten her dress and I told her the same thing, she went with everyone to try them on but didn’t want to buy it when everyone else did so she could loose more weight. She still hasn’t gotten her dress and I still keep telling no dress, no walking in the wedding, she can sit and watch with everyone else.

Post # 16
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I hate to suggest this, but is it possible the designer you picked doesn’t carry her size, and she’s too ashamed to admit it?

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