- Miss Heirloom
- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
I have been dealing with a difficult Bridesmaid or Best Man for awhile now and have finally decided to reach out for advice. I am beyond frustrated and I am afraid that if I keep it bottled up, it will affect my wedding day…
Here’s the story (sorry, its really long)-
By the time our wedding rolls around, my fiance and I will have been engaged for 2 years and 2 months (plenty of time to save up money to be a BM). I asked all of my BMs to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man shortly after becoming engaged, so this length of time is fairly accurate.
Anyways, I have had 1 Bridesmaid or Best Man who has been complaining and making a fuss about everything money-related to being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. She is one of my closest childhood friends and so I really wanted to her be a part of my big day, but it’s been really draining. When I asked her, I half-expected her to say no because of her financial situation right now. She does have a job, but it doesn’t pay well and she has spoken a lot to me in the past about her financial struggles.
After she said yes, I was really happy. We talked about the financial expectations (dress w/alterations, shoes, and then anything she wanted to attend that was wedding related- bachelorette or bridal shower, etc.). She agreed.
I was so happy that she said yes, that I decided to help her out financially with stuff. But, to be fair, I felt I should do the same for all of my BMs (6 in total). So, I gave each $50 for their dresses. I also paid for their hotel room when they all came down to visit to dress shop together.
When it came to dress shopping day, I was hoping that each one would pick a different dress, but of course she threw things off. All of my BMs liked different dresses, except her. She liked the same dress as one of my other BMs and insisted she try it on. She did and then she found out it was $160. There was another dress she said she liked earlier that was only $100 (keep in mind, minus 50). She chose the $160 dress, and we ended up deciding as a group to do 2, 2, and 2. So there are 3 different types of dresses with 2 girls each wearing the same dress. Hope that is clear.
Anyways, then she complained about the $40 she would need in alterations when the dress arrived. She said that they ordered it in the wrong size and asked that I call to yell at them. I told her all BMs have to get alterations and that they don’t order it to fit them perfectly, and that alterations are meant to do that. She was annoyed.
Now we are planning my bachelorette party (my Maid/Matron of Honor is in charge) and my Maid/Matron of Honor keeps calling and texting me about how she keeps seeing this Bridesmaid or Best Man out and about doing all kinds of stuff- drinking at the bar, at a dance club, etc. but that she won’t pay her the $60 (IN TOTAL) for the bachelorette party. Pretty inexpensive, compared to a lot of other things…and it includes a lot. A wine tour, comedy club ticket, hotel, and dinner. Yeah!
I told my Maid/Matron of Honor to chill out and to think of the bigger picture–like maybe she really is having problems paying rent and she was at the dinner restaurant on a date (paid for) or had a gift card or something. Who knows?
Then, get this…I see on fb that she is going to Ireland and that she just bought her plane tickets!
I really don’t know how or even if to approach her. Part of me just wants to ignore it and try to focus on what is important on the day of, but then the other half feels like I should address it now before it gets any closer to the day of, especially since it is causing tension between her and my Maid/Matron of Honor.
I just feel like she is getting a lot out of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man, more so than what she is giving in return. The venue does everything set up related, so I don’t need my BMs for that. It was more like, stand next to me and support me sort of thing. And, of course she is getting a date (she currently isn’t dating anyone serious, but of course she calls me and says she is excited to find someone to bring!) and its $120pp at my venue…which is not inexpensive whatsoever…