Post # 1
So, I have a little dilemma with one of my bridesmaids. (Who was going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, but i decided to have my sister in law my Maid/Matron of Honor instead. This bridesmaid I’ll call X is totally unreliable and just has excuse after excuse for EVERYTHING. so we had a bit of a fight because she was totally offended that she wasn’t MOH)
Anyways, when me and my bridesmaids went dress shopping for their dresses everyone showed up except X. The bridal salon told me that they hold the order until all bridesmaids are measured and deposits paid for.
me and X went a week later and she didnt have the money for the deposit. So I fronted the money for her bc she said she would be getting paid the week after. That week passed and I never saw the money, the next month rolled around and she said that she was moving to a new apt so money was tight and would get me my money ASAP.
So 3 months went by…….still waitingggggggg!!!!
I decided this was just ridiculous and I texted her about when she would be able to get me that money bc I have some wedding things i have to pay for soon. She told me “next week” and oh btw “i got laid off”
So then i started to feel bad and was thinking about telling her that I can wait a little longer for the money if she is having trouble. but then she texted me saying she thinks she is gonna stay on unemployment for awhile and TRAVEL!!!!!!!!
hm…travel??? what about my money??! So i decided not to tell her i could wait any longer. So the next week rolls around and when Friday hits I texted her to see if she deposited the money. Now she is telling me something went wrong with her unemployment and she didnt recieve anything…
I’m really fed up with this at this pt…its only 100 dollars but me and my fiance are funding the whole wedding ourselves. Its just the principle of the matter, she owes me money. she always has an excuse for everything!! its annoying
and to think she wanted to be my Maid/Matron of Honor oh boyyy that would have been a big ol’ mess……
Post # 3
Maybe instead of a text, go straight over to her place for a visit and ask for the money. Sometimes face to face helps. I don’t see texting or email helping matters much. People tend to hide and lie behind electronics Good luck.
Post # 4
I hate to play devil’s advocate here, but if its “only” $100, why not just pay it for her? You need to remember that your wedding is much more imporant to you than to anybody else. If she is facing financial hardship right now by being laid off, that would be a nice gesture on your part.
Or give her an out– if she honestly cannot afford to be in your wedding, let her know she can bow out gracefully. If this continues, it will only drive a wedge between two of you.
My sister faced a similar dilemma with her wedding. I was Maid/Matron of Honor and three other bridesmaids. One bridesmaid could not afford the shoes and dress, so my sister paid for her.
Post # 5
I feel for you, I really do. Thank goodness she isn’t your MOH! I had a roomate that flaked out on rent month after month. I really needed the money (in fact, I returned Xmas presents I’d recieved and purchased that year so I could pay my rent) and when I asked for it, there was always some excuse. “I need to pay back X first,” or something like that. It turned into, “You don’t need it,” and eventually, “You can’t get blood out of a stone,” then into “I don’t owe you money.” She was always losing her jobs, like they were disposable and if one wasn’t perfect, she would quit, often without notice. There was a ‘credit counsellor’ and a ‘payment plan’ she and I had worked out, but in the end, things went sour fast.
I guess I don’t have great advice, but I leanrned a very expensive lesson and she and I are no longer friends. What you need to do is really decide if you are willing to lose her as a friend over this, because that may be where this is headed. She truly sounds like a flake, and if she owes other people money, that’s a huge red flag, too. Some people will say to let it go, and that’s totally up to you, but if everytime you look at her, you think of this, do you want her around? Maybe a heart to heart is all you guys need, rather than texts and e-mails. Just you her and a restrauant.
I hope everything works out for you!
Post # 6
I don’t think you should pay for this. $100 is a lot of money and could go towards your mani/pedi’s for the wedding! It could pay for your shoes! Also, like you said, it’s the principle. She owns you money and she needs to pay. It’s not fair that the other bridesmaids had to pay their own way.
I would go see her in person. Keep being persistent because eventually maybe she’ll get tired of it and just pay you.
Post # 7
I would just forget about it. Why lose a friendship, even a flakey one, over $100?
I think it’s terrible that she was going to use her unemployment money as time off to travel though. It should be used as time to find a new job! This is one of the reasons why the government is cutting back on unemployment benefits.
Edit: I also have a “never loan money” stance. If I get the money back then great. If not, oh well.
Post # 8
I would also just let it slide and not expect her to participate in the wedding. Your wedding is not a priority for her.
Post # 9
Honestly, I’d just drop it and eat the cost. She’s obviously having trouble, travels or no travels. It’s not worth straining your friendship over.
My rule is that I never lend money to friends that I expect or need to see again. If they pay me back, it’s a bonus; if they don’t, I’ve already resigned in my head to just giving them the money, so it’s ok. If I can’t afford to not see the money again, then I don’t lend it in the first place. This policy has helped saved me a lot of friendship stress!
Post # 10
I paid for part of a BM’s dress (who would be my Maid/Matron of Honor if she hadn’t specifically told me not to make her MOH) because she has a lot of debt and I wanted her to spend her money on paying that off or saving it. I’m also helping her out with other wedding expenses because I want her to be there that badly.
Sometimes it just really isn’t about the money….
Post # 11
I’m having the same issue with FI’s cousin who is in the wedding. I know you just bought a pair of Louboutin’s… so where’s my $150?
Post # 12
My rule is that I never lend money to friends that I expect or need to see again.
Post # 13
I am having a similar issue with my MOH/bridesmaid. She is having financial problems right now and got laid off from her job as well. It is important to me that she is in my wedding party and there to support me and be by my side on my important day so I just bought her dress for her. It’s not worth it to me to get my heart rate up or lose a friendship over such a small thing.
ETA: We are also footing the bill for our own wedding.
Post # 14
thank you for all your responses! i can totally see why people feel that i should just forget about it and foot the bill. but, I also agree with those who feel its just not fair and she should pay me back.
It isn’t worth losing a friendship over money, but I don’t feel like that would happen in my case if i keep asking her for the money. There is still a balance that needs to be paid when the dresses come in, will she be able to pay for that?? When we had our fight over the Maid/Matron of Honor situation we talked about how big of a financial responsibility it was to be in a wedding. So she should understand from the getgo- to be a part of this wedding your gonna end up spending some money.
And yes some of you think 100 dollars isn’t a big deal. But when your basically living paycheck to paycheck just to put enough away for your wedding fund and stay alive- its kind of a big deal. We are about 6-7 months away from our wedding day and every bit counts at this point.
Anyways, thanks for all of your responses. I’m going to continue to ask for the money in a nice way and give her time to get it to me- but in the end I should be paid back.
Post # 15
Knee-jerk reaction: If it’s “only” 100 dollars, forget about it. You’ve already written it off as an insignificant amount of money, then don’t bother. If this is the case, it appears you’d just want to make an example out of her instead of getting repaid.
If you didn’t mean it’s “only” 100 dollars (Which you shouldn’t have worded it that way if this is the case), stop texting and be more affirmative. Texting is one of those “I want to talk to you but not really” kind of mediums. Avoid the middle man and go to her face to face. “I know you’re traveling. If you can afford to travel, you can afford to give me my 100 dollars.”
Truthfully, I think you should let it go.
Post # 16
@Hyperventilate: Yeah I shouldn’t have worded it that way. But in my second response I said “nd yes some of you think 100 dollars isn’t a big deal. But when your basically living paycheck to paycheck just to put enough away for your wedding fund and stay alive- its kind of a big deal. We are about 6-7 months away from our wedding day and every bit counts at this point.”
And I call her and text her because we don’t live close to each other, more than an hour away. So for me to go there to just say I need my money doesnt seem logical.