Post # 1
My friend has asked me to be her bridesmaid. Yay! But I have to pay for the dress. Which is fine. The cost is $470. Heart has stopped beating.
I don’t know what to do. I am happy to pay for a dress however I just feel $470 is too much. I think a reasonable price to pay would be $100 – $200. I have tried to tell my friend that my financial situation won’t allow for me wasting this much money on a bridesmaid dress i would not wear again. I have a family and a tight budget.
I guess I would be willing to pay for the dress as long as there would be not other expenses. I feel like if i buy the dress I should not have to buy a wedding gift as the dress costs so much already as it is. I know if I was a guest at a wedding i wouldn’t give more than $200 wedding gift.
I just think my friend would have the shits if i didn’t give her a wedding gift too.. But there is also the costs of accomodation, hens nights etc.
I have asked my gf if she would consider a cheaper dress alternative or consider contributing to the cost since it is the dress she wants and she is not willing to budge.
WHat should i do? Should I say no to the job. I am just worried she will get mad and not want me at wedding or worse our friendship changes because of this situation.
Post # 3
You don’t say no to the question but you do tell her that you simply can’t afford a $500 dress. Tell her you’d like to be a BM but can’t afford to pay that much on the dress. At which point you say I’ll drop out if this is a problem for you.
Post # 4
From the sounds of it, your friend is not taking your financial situation into consideration. If it were me, I would tell her thank you, but I don’t think I can afford to pay for a $470 dress on top of buying a gift and pitching in for all other wedding related events. If she is a real friend she will understand. You can always offer to help with wedding related planning to let her know that you care and you didn’t come to this decision lightly.
Post # 5
$470 for a bridemaid dress is ludicrous. I think you should be straightforward and tell her with all of the potential wedding expenses you just won’t be able to afford the dress. Perhaps then she’ll back down a little and compromise/nix any other wedding expenses for you?
Post # 6
I would research online to see if there are cheaper dresses avaialble in the same style and color as the original dress. Confront your friend about your money situation, show her the alternatives and say “I could afford this version, which is still in my budget but very close to your original vision.” It shows that you’re making an effort to be a part of her day. Even if she says absolutely not to your replacement dress idea, you made an honest effort. At that point, be upfront and say you can’t pay the $500 for the dress, and will have to decline being a bridesmaid.
Post # 7
Anyone who is demanding a $500 bridesmaids dress should break open their checkbook and pay for it themselves. Asking your bridesmaids to shell out $500 for a dress is almost insulting. Seriously, if this chick can’t see past the fact that $500 for a bridesmaids dress is ridiculous and she refuses to budge, I can only imagine how the rest of your bridesmaids responsibilites will pan out. Maybe she’ll require louboutins and a bachelorette party cruise of the Mediterranean.
Post # 8
@msbadger7: I second your idea!
OP, if the bride does not budge, she is being a jerk. Sorry about not mincing words, but geez! That is ridiculous.
Post # 9
I felt bad when I fell in love with a bridesmaids dress that was $189. I’m still looking for something cheaper.
Maybe you could find that dress on sale or used? Or maybe none of the other bridesmaids will be able to pay for that either and she’ll have to keep looking!
Post # 10
@Bridesmaidnotortobe: oh there is NO way in hell i’d have my bridesmaids pay that much. I even feel bad about a dress being over $150. I’ve informally told them to not spend a lot of money on a gift for us- something small and sentimental would be perfect.
You definitely need to have a serious talk with your friend. Good luck!
Post # 11
I voted to decline the offer…but before you do you can take the advice of the pp and see if you can find a used one. Check sites like Craigslist, recycledbride.com…But if you can’t I would definitely decline. I felt bad even asking my bmaids to spend $75, so I bough the dresses for them, and they have been paying me as they can. (Only one actually paid me, but as they are my besties it is not a big deal. Better to have them all with me than to have them decline for financial reasons!)
I hope things work out for you!
Post # 12
@September29: what would you consider inexpensive and sentimental? Do you have any suggestions?
Post # 13
@UpstateCait: I do worry that if she has no problem asking me to pay for $470 for the dress what other extravagent things she will want. I wouldn’t ever be so inconsider to my friends..
Post # 14
I agree that she is being unreasonable. I am actually almost in her shoes, but I hope that my actions were more considerate – I found bridesmaid dresses that I absolutely LOVE that are almost $400. 2 of my bridemaids are my sisters, and my parents are paying for their dresses (as well as the wedding) and my mom was fine with this price. My other 2 bridesmaids are friends, and I would NEVER ask them to straight-up pay $400! Instead, we told them we would be paying for half of the dress as well as any tax, alterations, etc. So in the end they are paying a total of $200 (I know is still a lot, but we thought this was reasonable and they are ok with it). As a bride, I think it is okay if you pick out expensive dresses – but only if you are willing to use some of your wedding budget to bring them down to a price your girls can afford.
If I were you, I would try to be honest with her, and I agree that if she doesn’t budge then you have every right to politely decline the role.
Post # 15
That is waaaay too much for a bridesmaid dress. I would tell your friend, sorry, but you cannot afford that, plus any other expenses you might have. Or, as others are saying shop around a bit for dresses (though it sounds like your friend is dead set). I am a MOH for my friend and I have been on the hunt for potential BM dresses in the style she wants. This way I can find something she likes (and I like!) for a good price.
Post # 16
Just be upfront. The bride has to remember that $470 is just the price of the dress. Doesn’t include alterations, shoes, accessories, bridal shower/bachelorette party contributions. This dress is way overpriced and you just need to tell her that you love her but you simply can’t AFFORD a dress that expensive.