Post # 1
I have a Bridesmaid who I have known literally my entire life. I was in her wedding and she is in mine. I asked her back in June 2010 and she graciously accepted. Well Just 3 weeks ago, I go on facebook(of all places) to find that her Status reads ” So excited but so torn at the same time.” Below people asked what she was referring to and she stated she got asked to be in her friend’s wedding for the same day and hasn’t even told “Katie” (aka me) yet but she plans on being in both and working it out. There was a list of like 20 comments from strangers putting in their 2 sense when she hadn’t even informed me (frustrating.)
So I debated on calling her because I was thinking “well she hasn’t contacted me about it yet, maybe she is coming to her senses and realizing that it is impossible to be in 2 weddings the same day. Well she never got a hold of me so that night I sent her a IM on facebook when I saw she was one (she lives on the darn thing.) I approached her like I didn’t know about the other wedding waiting for her to bring it up. Nothing..didn’t say a word. I decided to say “hey what’s going on with your status.” She came back with “Oh I forgot about that…soandso asked me to be in her wedding for Aug. 13th too!
Long story short, she insinuated she plans to be in both and I let her know that I am stressing about it but she still stuck to her plan on “making it work.”
I don’t want to have to plan my wedding around her schedule and make sure she gets to where she needs to be on time the day of my wedding. I have done my best on keeping my bridesmaids stress free. I went dress shopping with each of them separately to work with their schedules, allowed them as a group to pick where they wanted their dresses from (5 diff style options) and I just feel she shouldn’t be putting this stress on me. I want to say this to her but I don’t want to get her upset.
I honestly feel like she posted the whole thing online to gain sympathy from others so that I would feel pressured to allow her to have her way. Like to let me know others “have her back” I do emphasize that it’s tough having to say no to someone..but I mean it’s not that hard- a simple “ im honored that you asked me but I am committed to another wedding.” Would do just fine. As a bride, I would not expect someone to leave another’s wedding for mine or cut out early to make mine and I also would not expect a bride to work around my schedule if I were a bridesmaid in her wedding. I’m a bit frustrated and not sure If I should let her know all of this and if so, how to approach it without sounding like a complete witch/bridzilla! HELP!
Post # 3
that’s ridiculous. tell her things only work that way in movies.
Post # 4
If you ask her to pick one wedding or the other you may not like her answer.
Post # 5
Wow. That she didn’t even tell you is beyond rude.
I’m curious to know how she said she’d do two wedding in one day. Unless your venues are right next to each other and the timing is just right, I don’t see it happening. Sorry.
Post # 6
If one wedding is in the morning and one is in the evening it could maaaaybe work? My ceremony is at 7pm so its conceivable that someone could be in a wedding before mine. Anyway, I’d say
“I expect you to be available to me from x:xx to x:xx and if you cannot do that then you need to choose which wedding you will be in”. I would not be cool with a bridesmaid missing pictures or half the reception.
Post # 7
I just pictured 27 Dresses…
Would it even work out logistically? I can’t imagine being in her position and agreeing to another after agreeing to yours. How awkward.
I guess, from your standpoint, all you can do is tell her where to be and when. If she complies, good. If not, oh well. It’s awfully awkward, but either she makes it work or she doesn’t.
Post # 8
That sucks. Just because it worked for Katherine Heigl in 27 Dresses does not mean it’s plausible or polite to do in real life.
If it were me, I’d tell her my wedding is not a revolving door and she can’t just come and go as she pleases. If she were a guest, different story, but she agreed to stand by you at your wedding, and for that one day, that’s not a part-time job.
Post # 9
We an issue with a party member in two weddings. My husband asked his friend N to be in our wedding, and he agreed. Months later, he told my husband that he had to be in his cousin’s wedding that was on the same day. N and his cousin are very close. The cousin had called off the wedding, which is why N agreed to be in ours, but then the wedding was back on. N felt very torn and said he would try to be in both. They were in different cities even! We ended up telling N that it was silly for him to try and be in both, and just to go to the other one. As much as we wanted him there, it would be too stressful for everyone involved for him to try and scuttle around (and likely wouldn’t work out in the end).
I’m surprised the other bride didn’t say the same thing we did. How do you feel? Would you rather be worried about her going back in forth, or not have her in the wedding party?
Post # 10
What? The facebook thing is a really weird way to handle the situation, and acceptable only if she were a teenager.
My FSIL was a BM in one wedding, and a guest at another wedding the same day. It was fine b/c one was in the afternoon and the other in the evening, and they were within 30 minutes of each other. But I’m not sure if it would have worked out if she were a BM in both. You might want to consider asking her in a nice way that she has to choose.
Post # 11
@Kateski: Wow. That only works in 27 Dresses.
Post # 12
You should make your status message in fb “So annoyed” and then when people ask you what’s wrong start complaining about a flaky bm.
Post # 13
I would excuse her from my wedding. You don’t need to have the stress of her being in both on your wedding day and she knew she was already in your WP when she agreed to be in the others as well. I hate to say it but she already made her choice.
Post # 14
The whole situation sounds weird… and so rude she didn’t at least ask you about it first! Do you know her relationship to the second bride? I would really give her the timeline you expect her to be available and tell her there this is what she is committing to. So sorry you have to deal with this! Weddings are enough stress.
Post # 15
@Kateski: I agree with the other PP, and I would like to think that if I had a friend who I had been friends with for years… she would have enough respect for me to TELL me about the two wedding issue… not post it on FACEBOOK knowing that we are friends on there….
Good Luck…. try not to stress out… but I would def talk to her though.