(Closed) Bridesmaid plans on being in Two Weddings the same day?! ( a bit long)

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

that’s ridiculous. tell her things only work that way in movies.

Post # 4
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

If you ask her to pick one wedding or the other you may not like her answer.

Post # 5
Member
4774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow. That she didn’t even tell you is beyond rude.

I’m curious to know how she said she’d do two wedding in one day.  Unless your venues are right next to each other and the timing is just right, I don’t see it happening.  Sorry.

Post # 6
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

If one wedding is in the morning and one is in the evening it could maaaaybe work? My ceremony is at 7pm so its conceivable that someone could be in a wedding before mine. Anyway, I’d say
“I expect you to be available to me from x:xx to x:xx and if you cannot do that then you need to choose which wedding you will be in”. I would not be cool with a bridesmaid missing pictures or half the reception.

Post # 7
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I just pictured 27 Dresses

Would it even work out logistically? I can’t imagine being in her position and agreeing to another after agreeing to yours. How awkward.

I guess, from your standpoint, all you can do is tell her where to be and when. If she complies, good. If not, oh well. It’s awfully awkward, but either she makes it work or she doesn’t.

Post # 8
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

That sucks. Just because it worked for Katherine Heigl in 27 Dresses does not mean it’s plausible or polite to do in real life.

If it were me, I’d tell her my wedding is not a revolving door and she can’t just come and go as she pleases. If she were a guest, different story, but she agreed to stand by you at your wedding, and for that one day, that’s not a part-time job.

Post # 9
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We an issue with a party member in two weddings.  My husband asked his friend N to be in our wedding, and he agreed.  Months later, he told my husband that he had to be in his cousin’s wedding that was on the same day.  N and his cousin are very close.  The cousin had called off the wedding, which is why N agreed to be in ours, but then the wedding was back on.  N felt very torn and said he would try to be in both.  They were in different cities even!  We ended up telling N that it was silly for him to try and be in both, and just to go to the other one.  As much as we wanted him there, it would be too stressful for everyone involved for him to try and scuttle around (and likely wouldn’t work out in the end).

I’m surprised the other bride didn’t say the same thing we did.  How do you feel?  Would you rather be worried about her going back in forth, or not have her in the wedding party?

Post # 10
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

What?  The facebook thing is a really weird way to handle the situation, and acceptable only if she were a teenager.

My FSIL was a BM in one wedding, and a guest at another wedding the same day.  It was fine b/c one was in the afternoon and the other in the evening, and they were within 30 minutes of each other.  But I’m not sure if it would have worked out if she were a BM in both.  You might want to consider asking her in a nice way that she has to choose.

Post # 11
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Kateski: Wow. That only works in 27 Dresses.

Post # 12
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

You should make your status message in fb “So annoyed” and then when people ask you what’s wrong start complaining about a flaky bm.

Post # 13
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would excuse her from my wedding. You don’t need to have the stress of her being in both on your wedding day and she knew she was already in your WP when she agreed to be in the others as well. I hate to say it but she already made her choice.

Post # 14
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

The whole situation sounds weird… and so rude she didn’t at least ask you about it first!  Do you know her relationship to the second bride?  I would really give her the timeline you expect her to be available and tell her there this is what she is committing to.  So sorry you have to deal with this!  Weddings are enough stress.

Post # 15
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Kateski: I agree with the other PP, and I would like to think that if I had a friend who I had been friends with for years… she would have enough respect for me to TELL me about the two wedding issue… not  post it on FACEBOOK knowing that we are friends on there….

Good Luck…. try not to stress out… but I would def talk to her though.

Post # 16
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

very weird, good luck

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