Post # 1
One of my bridesmaids is quite emotionally unstable. I really wanted her to be a part of our wedding but she is making me miserable. She has mentioned the cost of a plane ticket on multiple occasions. She has asked if she could stay with my parents. Normally, that would be ok if my parents weren’t right in the middle of a divorce. I know she is in other weddings and I understand that it’s expensive. I really do. But I would be happy to spend this money for her. This weekend was the last straw. She called me crying about how much money she’s spending for the weddings and said to me “I don’t ever want to get married because I don’t want people to have to spend money and stress people out like their stressing me.” She then proceeded to talk about why she’s single and all of her friends are getting married and how she’l probably be single forever. I understand this is hard for her. I really do. I feel like a lot of her resentment towards spending money for these weddings revolves around the fact that she’s single. She obsesses over it and honestly she doesn’t realize that the reason she is single is because getting a man is her sole focus. I am contemplating taking her out of my wedding party. I just don’t want extra stress. My parents are going through a nasty divorce and my fiance’s father passed away this year, which we are still trying to cope with. We’ve had all the stress we can take. Am I selfish for wanting to tell her she’s not in the wedding anymore?
Post # 3
I suspect that asking her to leave would just confirm every negative stereotype she has in her oh-poor-me mindset about selfish brides. (I’m not saying you’re being selfish — sounds like you’ve been quite thoughtful — just speculating on her reaction based on how you describe her).
Post # 4
@soonergirl518: You obviously asked her to be in your wedding for a reason. Probably because she is a good friend and you love her I would assume. It sounds like she is going through a sad phase right now and she could use a friend. I’m sure it’s very difficult watching all your close friends getting married, shelling out tons of money, and feeling lonely all at the same time. I wouldnt kick her out just because she is going through a rough time.
Post # 5
I don’t think so, you deserve to be happy, to feel happy. Your already stressed enough with the wedding, and it sounds like she’s kinda making it harder for u. I’m having the same problem. My bridesmaid is married n is a terrible mariage. She’s always telling me to be careful cause once he says I do, hell expect u to be the ol’ ball and chain… I’ve never seen her like this! She’s always a happy person and lately I’ve seen the angry cussing person n it kinda idk makes me upset… I need her support n happy advice not the opposite :/
Post # 6
This is tough. I can see it from both sides. I can see where you feel personally ‘attacked’ by her words, as she is complaining about ALL she has to do for these weddings, all the while thinking/believing she will never be a bride. As a BM in your wedding, how can you not feel that she is more ‘annoyed’ than ‘excited’ for you?!
However, being/putting myself in her shoes at one time, she is still your friend (and I am assuming a great one at that, as she is in your wedding) who is calling you to vent/bitch/complain about her life as she knows it. “Here I am, spending thousands on people, of which is hard to do financially, but emotionally, as I am single!! (and will be FOREVER!!”
Where you may not fully understand her feelings, nor does she yours at this time, friendship IS about empathy and TRYING to understand one another, certainly. Instead of kicking her out, which would just make this way worse, please try expressing your feelings. “It hurts me to hear you say X,Y,Z, even though I can empathize at how difficult these things can be.” Hopefully, she will apologize, explain that she is not bitching to the bride, but her friend, and you two can move on it from it 🙂
Post # 7
Thanks everyone! I know she’s having a hard time. I wish there was someone else who could tell her that the reason she’s having such issues dating is that she is just too negative. Negativity is not a good look on anyone. I really want her to be a part of my wedding. I’m writing her an email now. I appreciate all the support!