(Closed) Bridesmaid Problem

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would give the benefit of the doubt that Stacy didn’t understand the situation, and what the facebook comment was about. 

If somebody I knew wrote “always be original” on facebook I’d probably like it too.  It’s just generally a good thing. 

Post # 4
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think I’d be so quick to remove her, maybe just have a talk with her.  You’d be surprised how you might be able to work things out and it could have been some misunderstanding.  I hate when girls get all up in arms about stuff like this, it seems so juvenile.  I don’t see the big deal about both of your dresses being black, its a pretty popular trend now.  I could see maybe if she felt you were copying her in other areas as well or something, but if not, this is just crazy.  Are Stacy and Amy really close?  If so, Stacy probably just took her side because of that.  I wouldn’t remove her as a bridesmaid though, itll just cause more animosity in the family and I don’t think thats how you want to start off your marriage.  Pick your battles, this one isn’t worth it.

Post # 5
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Let me get this straight. You are talking about black bridesmaid dresses–a neutral if I ever heard of one–and having this argument over FACEBOOK?? I mean this in a gentle, loving way, but perhaps wedding fever has taken over your family just a bit! 

Personally, since you will be related to Stacy soon, I would at least try and have a talk with her before you boot her off the bridal party and you give her the benefit of the doubt–maybe she just doesn’t want to buy TWO black dresses. Or maybe Amy wore her down. Maybe she wants to borrow twenty bucks from Amy’s husband. I mean, there might be a lot of reasons why she got involved, but I do think you have to accept that since she’s a member of the family, it was sort of inevitable that she WOULD be involved.

Post # 6
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

ugh, I hate facebook fights. Its far to easy to post snarky comments for the whole world to see. Amy’s fiance was being petty and so is Amy if she thought she could claim any wedding color.

Give Stacy the benefit of the doubt. Talk to her. Tell her you can’t believe how the whole black bridesmaid thing erupted. In fact, swallow your pride and anger and perhaps say something to help along the lines of “I know you’re a bridesmaid in BOTH weddings so I’m really sorry you had to be in the middle of Amy and I’s misunderstanding”. Its pretty easy to mindlessly “like” things on facebook and I’m sure she didn’t mean it to come across in a way that would hurt you.

You’re all family to be so its best to smooth things over. Nowadays weddings have become THE way to show you and your FI’s personal style. This trend really makes people needlessly possessive of wedding details and I’m sure with all these upcoming weddings everyone is trying to carve out a niche. I’m sure its stressful for Stacey to be a bridesmaid in both weddings. She’s probably hearing about wedding stuff from every angle all the time. If I was in the situation I’m not sure I’d know how to react either.

I think you’ll be making things infinitely worse by un-bridesmaiding her. You said you haven’t even spoken to her. You owe her that much. If you just march in and take away her title you’re going to be accused of overreacting.

Take a few deep breaths and take a step back. Un-bridesmaiding her will hurt your friendship and family dynamic. Even if you think she didn’t need to get in the middle, she’s a bridesmaid in both weddings so she’s in the middle.  So, try to respect her position and talk to her about the whole situation!

Good luck!

 

Post # 8
Member
1545 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

UGG why does family feel the needs to air family business on facebook?

This has happened a few times to FI and I on facebook that other family members put directed to us. It causes MORE drama and now the whole family (because we are all mutual friends) can see and feel the awkwardness. I would have a HUGE family meeting (which we had to do because it was getting out of control on FB) and we had to talk about everything and we all promised NO MORE AIRING OUR FAMILY BUSINESS ON FACEBOOK! I hope this helps! *hugs*

Post # 9
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

aww hun..people can be so pathetic.  So what if you’ve both got black dresses right?!  They are both over-reacting and silly.  The best thing for you to do is act maturely and with grace.  Go with the dresses and let it be their issue, not yours.  Although you’ll never forget this, be kind to them regardless because it’s not worth the stress.  All the best hun.

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