Post # 1
Ok so my soon to be sister in-law (who is my fiances sister) and I got into an arguement last week, I will call her Amy. Amy was upset that I had decided to go with long black bridesmaid dresses and she was having short black bridesmaid dresses. Her fiance posted his status as “always be original” on facebook. His status was directed towards me because I had decided to go with long black dresses insinuatating that I was copying Amy’s bridsmaid dresses. My fiance’s brothers wife who I will call Stacy is one of my bridesmaids. Stacy is also a bridesmaid in Amy’s weddingj. Both of our weddings are next year. Stacy decided to agree with Amy’s fiance’s status on facebook and has taken her side and feel that I should change the color of my bridesmaid dresses. I feel that this is a big slap in the face to me because she is suppose to support me in my wedding as well. I understand that if she didn’t agree with my decision to have black dresses too but I don’t feel she needed to blatenly make it known to me on facebook. I have not spoken to her or seen her since this situation has happened. Would it be wrong to remove her as one of my bridesmaids? I’m not sure how to handle this situation becuase I am so upset that Stacy felt the need to get involved in mine and Amy’s situtation. Amy and I have resolved our issue and have no hard feelsing toward one another, however I am very upset at Stacy and feel that she should have never gotten involved. Any suggest will help thanks!
Post # 3
I would give the benefit of the doubt that Stacy didn’t understand the situation, and what the facebook comment was about.
If somebody I knew wrote “always be original” on facebook I’d probably like it too. It’s just generally a good thing.
Post # 4
I don’t think I’d be so quick to remove her, maybe just have a talk with her. You’d be surprised how you might be able to work things out and it could have been some misunderstanding. I hate when girls get all up in arms about stuff like this, it seems so juvenile. I don’t see the big deal about both of your dresses being black, its a pretty popular trend now. I could see maybe if she felt you were copying her in other areas as well or something, but if not, this is just crazy. Are Stacy and Amy really close? If so, Stacy probably just took her side because of that. I wouldn’t remove her as a bridesmaid though, itll just cause more animosity in the family and I don’t think thats how you want to start off your marriage. Pick your battles, this one isn’t worth it.
Post # 5
Let me get this straight. You are talking about black bridesmaid dresses–a neutral if I ever heard of one–and having this argument over FACEBOOK?? I mean this in a gentle, loving way, but perhaps wedding fever has taken over your family just a bit!
Personally, since you will be related to Stacy soon, I would at least try and have a talk with her before you boot her off the bridal party and you give her the benefit of the doubt–maybe she just doesn’t want to buy TWO black dresses. Or maybe Amy wore her down. Maybe she wants to borrow twenty bucks from Amy’s husband. I mean, there might be a lot of reasons why she got involved, but I do think you have to accept that since she’s a member of the family, it was sort of inevitable that she WOULD be involved.
Post # 6
ugh, I hate facebook fights. Its far to easy to post snarky comments for the whole world to see. Amy’s fiance was being petty and so is Amy if she thought she could claim any wedding color.
Give Stacy the benefit of the doubt. Talk to her. Tell her you can’t believe how the whole black bridesmaid thing erupted. In fact, swallow your pride and anger and perhaps say something to help along the lines of “I know you’re a bridesmaid in BOTH weddings so I’m really sorry you had to be in the middle of Amy and I’s misunderstanding”. Its pretty easy to mindlessly “like” things on facebook and I’m sure she didn’t mean it to come across in a way that would hurt you.
You’re all family to be so its best to smooth things over. Nowadays weddings have become THE way to show you and your FI’s personal style. This trend really makes people needlessly possessive of wedding details and I’m sure with all these upcoming weddings everyone is trying to carve out a niche. I’m sure its stressful for Stacey to be a bridesmaid in both weddings. She’s probably hearing about wedding stuff from every angle all the time. If I was in the situation I’m not sure I’d know how to react either.
I think you’ll be making things infinitely worse by un-bridesmaiding her. You said you haven’t even spoken to her. You owe her that much. If you just march in and take away her title you’re going to be accused of overreacting.
Take a few deep breaths and take a step back. Un-bridesmaiding her will hurt your friendship and family dynamic. Even if you think she didn’t need to get in the middle, she’s a bridesmaid in both weddings so she’s in the middle. So, try to respect her position and talk to her about the whole situation!
Post # 7
@cranberi58: Thanks I totally agree with you I was completely blindside by this whole sistuation with Amy and Stacy. I couldn’t believe how upset my fiances family was over the fact that I’m having long black dresses. I was so upset that Stacy felt the need to get involved because when Amy and I both were engaged I talked with Stacy and told her that I did not want her to feel like she was in the middle. I guess I felt that because we had that talk that she would know if something would happen to either stay out of it or act neutral and listen to both sides of the story. I was pretty let down when she reacted that way. Stacy and I have had a difficult past when I started dating my fiance there was a lot of girl drama and I chose to stay out of it and because I did that Stacy and Amy’s feeling were hurt because I didn’t. When I told stacy that I wanted her in my wedding I said that this would be a perfect time for her and I to start our relationship together and become close. So when this whole thing happened I guess I just felt betrayed and my first instink was to take her out of my wedding because I didn’t want her to cause anymore drama that I did not want to deal with while planning my wedding. Weddings are stressful enough! Thank you for your response. 🙂
Post # 8
UGG why does family feel the needs to air family business on facebook?
This has happened a few times to FI and I on facebook that other family members put directed to us. It causes MORE drama and now the whole family (because we are all mutual friends) can see and feel the awkwardness. I would have a HUGE family meeting (which we had to do because it was getting out of control on FB) and we had to talk about everything and we all promised NO MORE AIRING OUR FAMILY BUSINESS ON FACEBOOK! I hope this helps! *hugs*
Post # 9
aww hun..people can be so pathetic. So what if you’ve both got black dresses right?! They are both over-reacting and silly. The best thing for you to do is act maturely and with grace. Go with the dresses and let it be their issue, not yours. Although you’ll never forget this, be kind to them regardless because it’s not worth the stress. All the best hun.