Bridesmaid Rant…Need To Vent/Am I Wrong?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

When you say the son is younger… is he like under 18 younger?  I’d be annoyed if I was paired up with a child, otherwise I’d suck it up.  FI wants his 12yr old godson as gm, so Im going to ask my 14yr old cousin to be bm, just so I don’t have to stick one of my friends with “a kid”.

As for the rest… she just needs to get over it.  It’s your day, it sounds you’ve been pretty reasonable about dresses etc.

Post # 3
Member
7203 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

mrshahn2b:  I agree with you. You cannot ask bridesmaids to help with planning, stuff envelopes, get a spray tan, dye their hair etc. But the one thing you CAN ask them to do is to wear the dress you choose and support you on your wedding day. So long as the dress isn’t too uncomfortable or too revealing, it should be your choice. If she’s not willing to do the one thing a BM is meant to do, then she can be a regular guest. There’s nothing bridezilla about (gently and tactfully) telling her that.

p.s. I’d have no problem being paired with a younger guy. Again, it’s about helping in your wedding. Is it that bad to link arms with a teenage boy for a few minutes?

Post # 4
Member
1847 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t care what you wear; it has to be short, eggplant-lilac in color, and you will wear cowboy boots for the reception.”

You DO care what she wears – very much so, in fact.  I think that’s one problem that some brides run into – they tell their bridesmaids that they are going to be very ‘relaxed’ about the dresses and just want them to pick their own, but then give all of the requirements anyway and get ticked if they don’t pick the dresses that fit their ‘vision’ the best…

Sometimes I think you just have to say “These are the bridesmaid dress options – please choose whichever one of these you like best!” so that you don’t have to deal with ‘approving’ everyone’s dress and dealing with people that think they have the green light to choose any style they want, when you might not like it..

FWIW, I don’t think you’re out of line at all asking them to wear a certain dress – I think you just created a slippery slope telling them “I don’t care what you wear… **and then they’re tuning you out and already planning their floor length silk gown while you’re explaining that it should be knee length chiffon..**”

The thing that I would have more of an issue with is the cowboy boots – those things can be dang expensive.. and I get hot sweaty feet and would not want to dance the night away in boots…

Anyway, bottom line is that if someone accepts the role as a bridesmaid/groomsman in someone’s wedding, then they are pretty much signing up to wear whatever the bride/groom want and eat those expenses – if that’s a problem, then she needs to drop out of the wedding, not whine and complain about it to the bride….

Post # 5
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

mrshahn2b:  Woah… I hadn’t thought about this but FI’s brother (who is a gm) is 13 and will be paired with my BM who is 24… I hope that does not upset her, she’s not the type to tell you when she’s upset (although she’s really not the type to get upset, very easygoing!) Sorry to totally get off topic but now I am wondering about this too… going to follow and see what the bees say!

Post # 6
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

mrshahn2b:  It sounds like you know what you want so just tell your bridesmaids you’ve found the dress you want everyone to wear and that you’d like them to wear cowboy boots with the dress. I’ve worn dresses before that weren’t my taste or colour/style or something I’d wear again but it wasn’t my wedding so I just bought the dress and tried to make the bride happy. I took 2 outta 6 girls (some girls live outta town so wasn’t possible to bring them all), picked something that would flatter everyone and said “this is what I’d like you to wear, choose whatever shoes you want” (long dresses so whatever makes them happy) and I didn’t have a problem with any of mygirls. If your vision is eggplant/lilac dresses with cowboy boots than make sure thats clear to your girls. They all should be able to suck it up for one day! If she’s the only person having problems with the colour/length than let her know that. 

As per the the age gap between her and the groomsmen. I would just suck it up because you don’t spend much time at a reception with the person you are paired up with at the wedding (at least I never have but than again I’ve always had a plus one). Does she get a plus one? (only asking because some don’t give their wedding party a plus one) I could understand maybe feeling a little awkward if I were walking with a 12 year old and I was 30 years old but knowing that I would only be with them for a little while I would just get over it and realize that this is the wedding party the bride and groom chose and just make the best of it as I could. 

Post # 8
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

mrshahn2b:  Well in that case, she can just suck it up haha.  One of my friends who is 22 will be paired up with FI’s 42yr old uncle.  Thems just how it is.

Post # 12
Member
6691 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Honestly if I were you I would stop sharing details with her. I think she misunderstands her purpose on your wedding day. It’s not to look like a supermodel and be hooked up with the cutest guy there, it’s to support you.

Post # 13
Member
1847 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

mrshahn2b:  Holy cow, you guys are footing the bill for the boots? That’s awesome.. then I’d have no problem with it, period! $90 for a dress that she can probably wear again since she gets to pick it out (and even if she doesn’t, that’s cheap for a BM dress..) and free kicks…  She can zip it and suck it up – don’t let her get to you!

Maybe a serious heart-to-heart is in order – tell her this is the way it is and if she doesn’t like it, she’s free to attend as a guest instead.

Post # 15
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I was going to complain about the expense of the cowboy boots, but since you are paying for them, it isn’t an issue.  And you have given pretty much leeway on the dresses.

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