Weddingbee boards

Sorry, but this really long and I really, really need to get this off my chest!

Okay, I think my bridesmaid was genuinely excited when I announced my engagement and even though I told her there will not be a maid of honor, just bridesmaids, she insisted on planning a bachelorette party and bridal shower. I felt really flattered and very grateful that she loved me enough to want to do all that work. She also outlined all these visions of us going dress shopping together and picking bridesmaids dresses and such. She seemed disappointed when I told her that everyone will be picking out their own bridesmaids dresses. When I went dress shopping with her for my own dress, she kept picking out really poofy, old-fashioned, traditional, symmetrical stuff, even when I told her none of these reflect my tastes. Even the consultant said these dresses looked like they weren't for me. She turned her nose up when I suggested trying on a trumpet dress, or something asymmetrical and to top it off, she rushed me out of the bridal salon cause she wanted to go home early. Even the bridal consultant got annoyed how many times she checked her watch and asking how many more dresses do I have to try on. Mind you, she was an hour late meeting up with me and as soon as I came out of the dressing room finished, she didn't say a word and just RAN to the train station with me running after her yelling to ask if she had another appointment. She didn't and just said, I don't want to get home past 7pm. She just expected me to trail after her and see her off at her train station. I never went dress shopping with her again and bought my dress by myself, which I think kinda upset her.

Also, when I told her I was going to make my own centerpieces, she gave a disapproving look and told me, "I think you should hire someone to do it cause it will look nice." Then she attends someone else's wedding where the bride made her own centerpieces and texts me saying, hey those homemade centerpieces didn't look bad! In fact, every time I mention DIYing, she turns her nose up and mentions how the "homemade" look isn't appropriate for a fancy wedding, despite my telling her over and over I want to keep things as simple as possible and DIY doesn't equal crap.

I think there are two issues at play here and one is that she feels a little upset that I'm not having the wedding of HER dreams because she keeps pushing ideas she's always dreamed of for her wedding on mine, and the other is that I'm not doing any of the things she envisions us doing. And now she just demanded that she use my hair and makeup artist on the morning of the wedding! I sort of indicated that I was just going to let everyone do their own and everybody can get to the venue on their own. She responded with, "Well I want mine professionally done at your place and we'll go up to the venue together." I think she's expecting a limo but we ain't renting one! Plus, her expectation that I'll just do whatever she wants has put a HUGE wrench in my timeline and I'm just not going to bow to it. I wanted a really simple, homey wedding and I feel like she's imagining a pampered, pricey extravaganza and what I'm doing is not "classy" enough for a wedding.

On a side note, she really infuriated me when she invited me and my fiance over to her newly bought house and made us pay for our own dinner. I told her we were really tight on money and to keep things as cheap as possible because our wedding is so expensive. In order for us to travel to her, we had to rent a car, which is pricey! She enticed us by saying she had a certificate that would give us a deep discount on a restaurant dinner. When we got there, we went to a kinda pricey place and her boyfriend requested separate bills and applied the discount only to their bill. So we ended up spending a boat-load just to visit her when she KNOWS we're REALLY tight on money!

I'm at the end of my patience and I HATE that she just expects/demands rather than ask and be courteous. I'm afraid of telling her to hire her own hair and makeup artist because I'm afraid she'll end up looking waaay more pretty and elaborate than me! I know that last part is my own insecurity, but at this point, I feel like she's upset that the wedding isn't more about her and what she wants out of it. So it's like my laid-back plans are upsetting her dreams of being a part of a really fancy, expensive extravaganza and now she's demanding her wants as a way of taking things into her own hands to get what she wants. I'm so frustrated!

By the way, when I said "train station" I mean the subway, which I had to take myself, but a different line than hers.

Thanks for all the sympathy! I've just been feeling so frustrated every time I talk to her because she'll say or do something that reflects her disappointment at not living her bridesmaid dreams. I was very clear in my expectations that they wear a dress that's any shade of purple and show up and have fun! It's almost as if she wants me to stress her out or something.

I do tell her she'll have her own and her boyfriend is definitely going to marry her, but she still acts like it's never going to happen. She used to constantly tell me how she feels old and nobody wants someone so old, when I'm a few years older than her! When I point out the age difference and how that makes me feel, she just brushes it off and goes, yeah but I'm just as mature as you are. Because of this I'll-never-be-married attitude, she's told me several times that she's living vicariously through me, as if she's getting married through my getting married. Now, she's definitely getting the picture that I will do things my own way, but she's peeved about it.

As for the dinner, I was very clear that we had budget constraints and even suggested ordering a pizza, but I guess that wasn't "classy" enough for her. But apparently it's "classy" enough to invite us over for dinner telling us we'll get a discount and then make us pay in full while she barely spends a dime. As Gollum from Lord of the Rings said, I find that behavior very "tricksy." Lol!

Thanks for understanding, guys!