Post # 1
I have a bridesmaid who is getting married a fews weeks after me. Our weddings are both next year (1 year away). She just recently told me that she cant promise she will be able to attend my shower/bachelorette party because she will be busy planning her own wedding. My feelings were hurt. My question is…do I have a right to feel upset?
I would love to get some feedback!!
Post # 3
You do have a right to be upset, can’t help how we feel! I would try explaining to her how important it is to you that she attend these events. I would also maybe have the events a little earlier (rather than closer to your wedding date) to avoid the crazy-busy- rush to finish all the details-planning time.
If she still doesn’t want to attend/feels she will be too busy I would let it go. Focus on all the people will be there to celebrate with you!
Post # 4
I agree, you do have a right to be upset, but put yourself in her shoes. She will be busy with her own wedding, and at least she is giving you a heads up. I am sure she will be there if she can.
Post # 5
I would be upset too! And i’m sure it would hurt her feelings if you told her you couldn’t attend her shower/bachelorette party! It will be a busy time for both of you but i’m sure she will do her best to be there as you would for her!
Post # 6
do you live in the same place? most my bridesmaids are out of town, which is why i ask. i can understand being too busy to take a weekend away for the bachelorette party and shower (we’re having mine on the same weekend to make it easier for oot bms), but i would think she could take a couple hours for sure if you live nearby. also, your wedding is in 2011–so far away! maybe i’m naive, but i feel like with that much time to plan, the end crunch isn’t going to be so time consuming that you can’t make a couple hours for someone else’s celebrations…
Post # 7
I mean I can see being a little upset at the fact that she can’t be there but at the same time, she does have a valid reason. Think about how much you’re going to be doing for your wedding in the weeks leading up to the wedding day. Now add to that bridal showers and bachelorette parties for someone else. It can be really stressful. So yeah, I can see why your upset, but I personally wouldn’t say anything about it to her.
Post # 8
I say YES would she be upset at you if you didnt attend those events for her wedding? also that is kinda of a BM duty is to attend those parties. you arent asking her to throw you the shower but come on now on a friday or saturday evening she cant attend your bach party because she is planning that NIGHT? im sorry i love planning my wedding but i am not working on it 24/7 right now.
Post # 9
Eh, I have 6 BMs and 2 won’t be able to make it to the shower and a 3rd can do the shower but can’t stick around for the b-party (I and 5 of the 6 are out-of-towners traveling for a 2-in-1 weekend). I really just don’t care at all. For those that can make it – awesome! For those that can’t, see ya at the wedding!
I realize I have a much more casual approach to this. I’ve asked literally nothing of the girls other than to order and pay for their own dress. I dress-shopped alone, have planned alone, do all my DIY stuff alone. I don’t really adhere to the traditional “role” of bridesmaids. FI’s aunt is throwing my shower. If they can get to the ceremony on time, that’s about all I need fro the bridesmaids.
Post # 10
Concurred on you have the right to be upset! If ya’lls wedding is so close and it’s only one night! shesh! Surely she needs a break from all that planning anyway right??
Post # 11
Yea…honestly I don’t understand. She lives super close to me and her mom is helping a lot with her wedding. I didn’t just ask her to be a bridesmaid to stand up for me on my wedding day. I asked her because she was a friend and I wanted her to celebrate with me (i.e. shower and bachelorette). I also made it clear that I could be very flexible about the dates and it wouldn’t be a whole weekend affair.
She asked if I knew this far in advance that I could attend her shower/bachelorette and I said yes! I would make it happen because I want to be there for her.