Bridesmaid Sketchily Dropped Out! Help!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Have you guys gone dress shopping yet? Does your alternate friend know you picked your BMs and then one dropped out?

I think if you haven’t been shopping and you friend won’t know she’s an alternate, I’d ask her!

Post # 4
42117 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@bhambride:  I think you are being overly judgemental. It was probably really hard for her to tell you that she had changed her mind about being a BM. Maybe she knew you wouldn’t take it well. Unfortunately, you found out from someone else first.

If the “someone you know” would handle it ok being a B list bridesmaid, then go ahead and ask her. Otherwise drop your idea that you need even numbers.

Post # 5
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@bhambride:  She sounds like quite a flake. Yeah, I get what PP’s saying that it would be hard and awkward to tell someone they wanted to drop out – because dropping out for no other reason than “well your other friends have been there loooonger so awwwkwardddd” is stupid and infantile. So she bloody well should have felt awkward. Doesn’t make making plans behind your back and less wrong than it was.

But in any event, as you are finding more about her true flaky character, you’re prolly better off.

As for a new bridesmaid, I echo what pp said: has dress shopping happened? Will the girl know she is an alternate/be the type to mind? What are the pros and cons of being a bridesmaid short vs. asking someone late?

Post # 7
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It all depends on the person you’re going to ask; since she’s so far away, she will probably understand why you’re asking her late (since she saw the picture).


Just in case it helps – I was asked to be a replacement bridesmaid a few years ago, and I didn’t mind at all! The groom was a lifelong friend of mine, BMs/GMs were exclusively family and a best friend (four on each side) and then, two months before the big day, the bride’s sister dropped out of the wedding. Luckily, she wasn’t the MOH so filling her shoes was a little easier (though still painful for the bride, of course.) When they asked if I could fill in, I was still flattered and didn’t feel “any less” than the other BMs because I knew the circumstances. I think if you do ask your friend to fill in, just be honest with her. She’ll get it and she’ll know you care about her and value her friendship 🙂

Post # 8
133 posts
Blushing bee

I wouldn’t replace her at this point. Your other friend would know she wasn’t one of your first choices. Maybe she could do a reading?

Post # 9
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would tell your friend you made a mistake and should’ve asked her in the first place. If a friend said that to me I wouldn’t be offended at all!

Post # 10
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Just be honest about it. “I realized the true color of one of my BMs and now I feel like I should have asked you to be a BM the first time around. I made a lapse in judgement and I wish you would stand by me on that day. If you still want to be my number one guest, I understand.”

Let her say no, and if she does, reassure her that you are so excited to see her on your big day and you hope she can make it to the bachelorette party.

Post # 11
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I personally wouldn’t be offended if someone asked me to be a bridesmaid only because someone backed out. That kind of thing happens. I agree with PP – just be honest with her and allow her to say no if she isn’t comfortable with the idea. If you made it a special experience when you asked the other girls though, make sure you make it just as special for her. You’re lucky this other bridesmaid flaked early enough on that you have the option to replace her! This will all work out, promise Smile


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