Post # 1
My oldest best friend is getting married in a few months. After she got engaged, she came to visit me and told me that she would only have a single attendant, her cousin, but that if she were having bridesmaids that I would of course be her first pick. She instead asked me to be a member of her house party, which I accepted. This past weekend I was at a dinner given in her honor. One of her friends from high school asked her about her bridesmaids dresses, and who her bridesmaids were. She nervously glanced over at me before listing SEVEN girls. I was utterly shattered. I nearly burst into tears, but kept myself composed and tried to appear cheerful.
I am so hurt, not just that she didn’t ask me, but that she wasn’t going to tell me. I have literally known her my entire life- she was at the hospital the day I was born. My parents are her god parents, and her parents are my older brothers godparents. Her grandfather recently died, and I was her only friend that showed up. I consider her to be my best friend and like a sister, and couldn’t imagine her not being my MOH.
My parents and I are hosting a very lavish party for her in a few weeks, and right now I just don’t want to go. I hate to confront her about it, at this point nothing can be done. I will not guilt someone into making me a bridesmaid. One of her bridesmaids is someone who is openly hostile towards her (even before being asked to be a bridesmaid), another is an alcoholic loser who has been in college for 8 years!
I guess she just doesn’t consider me to be as good a friend as I did her. I don’t want to cause any drama, I’m just very hurt and having a hard time accepting this.
Post # 3
I am so sorry. How crushing. I mean, did she think you wouldn’t notice seven bimbos in matching dresses?!?!?
This might be something I would have to talk to her about. Normally, I don’t believe in getting into the decisions others make but this begs to be discussed. And I think she knows it too.
Can you go to lunch and tell her you hate putting her on the spot but you have to hear her thoughts on this?
Post # 4
I’m really sorry this happened, I can’t imagine why she would lie to you like that.
If I were you I would talk to her about it. If you bottle it all up you’re just going to exhaust yourself – I know how tiring it can be to get your feelings hurt but feel like you have to pretend you’re ok. Maybe she can explain it to you in a way that would make you better understand…
Post # 5
Aww that sucks. *hugs*
Is there a (supposed) practical reason? Like you live far away? Or that your wedding is close (is Nov 12 you or her?)? But I can’t think of any reason, especially the lying. Hugs again.
Post # 6
Don’t let this get to you and don’t feel obligated to attend any function for her benefit, she had an opportunity to be honest, she elected to do something else.
Post # 7
(hugs) I’m so sorry that you’re going through this – obviously, she can choose whoever she wants to be a bridesmaid, but it must be painful that, not only did she not choose you, she lied to you about the fact that she was having bridesmaids! Did she think you wouldn’t notice on the wedding day? I’m not surprised you feel so hurt and betrayed by this, and I hope you and your friend can sort it out.
Post # 8
Sounds like she had her own reasons for not choosing you but was too embarrassed/nervous/scared to tell you that we were not one of them. So she lied. That would be my guess. It was an easy out for her. I’m sorry you are going through this.
Post # 9
Post # 10
Ouch. She obviously knew it was rude if she glanced at you awkwardly. I guess she didnt want you to know. But seriously, I think you would have NOTICED during the wedding.
Post # 11
Been where you are. My oldest friend chose 2 girls. I didn’t expect to be asked and wasn’t surprised by one of her choices at all but one of these girls is vile. Nobody knew of her before she was asked to be BM. She openly critises my clothing and the way I look, I class myself as being quite attractive, I have my issues but I’m not ugly and so what if I choose to not have my boobs and ass on show and don’t wear oompa-loompa makeup?!? She insulted SO, who she’s never met. And the GROOM doesn’t like her. She’s a nasty piece of work tbh but I love my friend and I respect her decisions. Thing is, you need to be there for your friend, bridesmaid or not. And when the time comes I will still ask her. Yes, tell your friend you were crushed if you like. But is it going to change anything? Just be aware it may not (probably wont). Be a good friend to her, when shit hits the fan and these other girls ditch her (the funeral is a prime example), who will be there?
(sorry this is rushed, I have to go out and pick my bro up from the airport now.)
Post # 12
Whoa, WTF! I had the same thought as PP – did she think you wouldn’t notice the bridesmaids during the wedding?!
That is so incredibly hurtful. 🙁 I think I’d have to know her reasons.
Post # 13
Wait, WHAT?!?!?! I got the same brush off with someone I considered my best friend!! I found out (not from her) that she is having SEVEN bridesmaids!!!! She told a mutual friend of ours she “could only have seven and since mississippiqueen lives two states away now….”
She was supposed to be in my wedding a few weeks ago but after our huge fight we called our friendship quits. So sad….and ridiculous!
What’s the deal with that? I don’t even know seven people, much less have seven best friends I’d want in my wedding!!!
Post # 14
For me the issue isn’t so much that you aren’t a bridesmaid, but more the way she went about it. Flat out lying to you about it is crappy of her. And honestly, if it were me I would tell her you are no longer able to be in the house party.
Post # 15
It’s possible they were foisted on her, or she may have realized that she needed help putting together a wedding and asked the girls helping her to be bridesmaids out of a sense of obligation…it’s been months since she said that to you, so you don’t know that she lied in the first place, her plans might have changed.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel hurt, that’s entirely understandable and anyone would feel hurt, but give her the benefit of the doubt until you talk to her about it. She should trust you enough to be honest with you and if she wasn’t honest with you, you both need to explore that or your friendship will come to a standstill.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I sincerely hope that things improve with her!
Post # 16
I would want to ask her about the lie. Make it clear that she has a right to choose who she wants, but you wantEd to clear up whatever made her feel the need to be dishonest with you