bridesmaid stepped down, should I still invite her?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
11712 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Of course you should still invite her.  This is a girl you deemed so important in your life that you asked to be a bridesmaid.  To turn around and not invite her, after she was honest with you about not being able to handle the finances, it would be a slap in the face to her and your friendship to not invite her at all.

Post # 4
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

@abbie017:  +100000

Yes invite her. You said her husband refuses to work because of anxiety? It is probably more that her husband is UNABLE to work due to anxiety. Anxiety and other mental illnesses are very    debilitating, so you can’t say for sure that he is able to work and just refusing to. Did you offer to pay for her bridesmaid outfit so she can still be a bridesmaid?

ETA: it sounds like her husband needs help with the anxiety and control issues. I agree with the bee who said it sounds like she is going through a rough time right now and needs some time with friends. 

Post # 5
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You clearly asked her to be a part of your wedding for a reason (I’m assuming because you’re friends, haha). And as you stated she has wanted out of her marriage because her husband is controlling and doesn’t let her have friends, and then on top of that they have financial strains which led her to stepping down since she can’t even afford a new dress.. sounds like your friend is going through a rough time, and she would probably enjoy a reason to get out of the house and be around friends (especially since her husband is controlling), so I personally wouldn’t take that away from her.

Post # 7
Member
896 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@DiamondnLovey:  why wouldn’t you invite her?  I do not think her stepping down has anything to do with whether she should still be invited. 

Post # 8
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Talk about burying the leede on this one!

Her husband is so psychotic and controlling he won’t LET her have friends!

I think that’s the big issue here. That would explain why she can’t be in your wedding!

Post # 10
Member
896 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@DiamondnLovey:  She was still your bridesmaid!!!!!!! If you did not consider her a friend, why did you ask her to be your bridesmaid?  In any event, it appears your mind is made up: you do not like her, you do not talk to her, and you dislike her husband. 

Post # 12
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I think you should absolutely invite her. Her husband sounds really scary. it might be a good thing to do to invite her to lunch or coffee and make sure she is ok. Try not to make it about giving up her spot in the bridal party – sounds like you know there could be more going on here than she let on. Tell her you feel like you have been growing apart and that you want to make sure she is ok. If she is really struggling with a bad situation at home, either she will open up to you or she will feel grateful that you were there for her during this busy time in your life.

You will have a beautiful wedding full of promise and hope. It sounds like she could really use some of that positive energy in her life right now.

 

Post # 13
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If you barely speak, why did you ask her to be a bridesmaid?

Post # 15
Member
11712 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@DiamondnLovey:  The thing is, you asked her to be a bridesmaid — that’s where we’re all getting that she’s a friend.  You don’t just ask people off the street to be your bridesmaids, or people you don’t like.  They’re your closest and dearest friends.  I don’t think it was a big leap for anyone to go from assuming that your bridesmaid was your friend.

It sounds like she’s going through a rough time, and is in a marriage she’s not completely happy with.  It sucks for her.  Having her friend abandon her in a time like this is really crappy, so I think that for her sake, you should still invite her and deal with her husband coming.  You won’t even notice that he’s there, if he even comes at all.  But abandoning her, not inviting her to your wedding (when you did ask her to be a major part of it in the first place), and ending the friendship when her life is going sour (and you know it’s sour!) is a really terrible thing to do.

Post # 16
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t understand why you asked her to be a bridesmaid in the first place if you don’t even like her.  Don’t invite her — save her the time and effort of having to dress nicely for your wedding.

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