Post # 1
Last December I asked a friend to be a bridesmaid, she was the last asked and was very excited.
mid december she asked me if she could pay for her dress in the new year. I said sure.
In February I let her take her dress home because she was so excited that it fit her perfectly. At this point I still had hope.
It’s now April and he has not offered a cent. Honestly, it’s not about the money really, but it’s about the princial that she has not even attempted. However, it would be nice if she at least gave me something seeing as the cost of the dress would pay for 2/3 of the makeup I am paying for the girls to get done.
I have even offered to reduce the dress to $150 for her to be able to afford. I have tried to make a deal, her mom (seamstress) does the alterations for 2 of the girls dresses in exchange for her dress. She isn’t biting.
I know that they’re not doing so well financially, which is why I have offered these solutions. Her husband is extremely lazy and lays at home after she worked to put him through school, she spends about $1000 a month in marijuana (mostly for him). She desperatley trying for a baby even though he flips flops about being ready. She randomly brought all of these points up at a party I recently had and apologized therefore for not being able to pay me due to these reasons. Another bridesmaid politely said “well, you could always just pay $10 or $20 here and there, that adds up quickly and you won’t notice it much” she did not like that idea either as she quickly said “yah i dunno…”
Sorry this was long. I don’t know who else to tell and I’m looking for any more suggestions. Again, it’s not about the money, but the princial that she doesn’t even try when she knows we aren’t rich either is frustrating.
Post # 3
It sounds like she doesn’t exactly want to be a bridesmaid. It might be best just to talk to her.
However, I would take her attitude as a clue that your wedding isn’t one of her priorities and maybe she just doesn’t want to be in your bridal party as badly as you want her to be? Sorry that you’re dealing with this hon. 🙁
Post # 4
Hmm, good point, but I don’t think that’s the case her. She has lots of ideas and is saving up cans she finds to make DIY lanterns (I don’t really want to do this but she’s so excited about it).
Post # 5
@PacificMrs: I think she said the bridesmaid already has the dress, and she had paid for it for her upfront expecting to be paid back…
I would not be happy in this situation given that she initially told you that she would pay for it.
I say if she refuses to pay for the dress, refuse to pay for her hair and makeup, even steven! If she doesn’t like that idea, pay for the dress in installments as your other friend mentioned, or don’t be a bridesmaid!
Post # 6
@kookooklock: obviously this wedding or bm dress is not one of her priorities.
Post # 7
@Baroness_Meg: Yes you’re right I paid for it already.
I would just tell her to pay for her own makeup, however, one of the main reasons I am paying for the makeup for the girls is that she would not get her makeup done if I wasn’t. We did her makeup one day and her boyfriend was livid, saying other guys might want her and she doesn’t need makeup. Since then she hasn’t worn any, but she said he said it’s fine for a wedding because he will be there.
Post # 8
She sounds like she is very involved and excited for the wedding. I think you need to just let it go. If she pays for it, great, but if not, oh well.
It’s not worth ruining a friendship over, and it’s obvious she has financial issues, but is still contributing to your wedding in effort and enthusiasm. So while I’d be frustrated, I’d recommend just trying to forget about it.
Post # 9
wow i think your friend need to leave this guy….i know thats not what this is about tho….
Def keep reminding her. its such a shame when people “forget” to pay you back.
Post # 10
@kookooklock: She’s not going to pay you so at this point, I’d let it go. Unless you’re ready to sever the friendship and boot her out of the wedding you’ll just be buying yourself a lot of drama if you pursue it and she still won’t pay you.
Look at it this way – its an expensive dress bought for the sole purpose of being in your wedding so…its really not unreasonable for you to pay for it. I realize that wasn’t the understanding to begin with but maybe looking at it this way will make it less aggravating?
Maybe she’s embarrassed but honestly, she doesn’t sound very together. I mean, she supports a guy who lays around, spends 1K a month on his weed habit and she wants to bring a kid into this mess? Yeah, this is a person with not great judgement here.
Post # 11
This. This is pretty much what I needed to hear. Thank you for understanding and agreeing that the situation sucks but I need to let it go.