(Closed) Bridesmaid stole the show *long*

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wow.

I am SO sorry you had to go through this! There are few things that make me more angry than people driving drunk. I cannot believe how irresponsible she was 🙁

I wish I had some good advice. If it were me, I would tell her once again how stupid her decision to drive drunk was, and exactly how she made me feel. That it put a damper on an otherwise fun evening.

I think at this point she’s either not responding because she’s embarrased or just flat out doesn’t think it’s a big deal.

I hope you and your FI can move past this and have a great wedding. Hopefully this is something she won’t repeat!

Post # 4
Member
3887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow. Your bridesmaid did not “steal the show.” Your bridesmaid drinks too much. I think this probably would have happened, no matter what the occasion. I’m just kind of floored that no one’s trying to get this girl some help.

Post # 6
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Sunshine09:  I would try to talk to her in person about this. I definitely think you need to clear the air with her. I’m also willing to bet that she is avoiding your texts/calls bc she is just so embarassed. I’d be sure to let her know you still love her. I firmly believe that when people are struggling like this, it’s when they need the support of their loved ones the most. I’d also try to set some reasonable boundaries with her for the wedding. I don’t think either of you want a repeat of the episode…

Post # 7
Member
326 posts
Helper bee

Don’t let this change your perception of her. People do things that are completely uncharacteristic of their personalities when they are drunk. It’s likely that she hasn’t responded because she’s embarassed. This could be a one-of thing. 

I suggest that you see how she behaves between now and the wedding. If she feels bad about it she’ll probably lay of the alcohol next time you see her. Try not to worry. I would assign one of your friends to keep an eye on her on the wedding day. Even though I am sure she will be fine it would probably be better for your peace of mind. 

Post # 8
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Motor museum

This is stressful. However, can I draw your attention to something

 

And then we hurredly threw all my shower gifts into our cars and me and my sister and my FI (we were all stone cold sober now) drove back to our place, dropped off our seperate cars and then went in one car to her (my stepsister’s) house just to see at least if her car was there and she made it home safely.

 

Can I ask, how long were you not drinking and how much had you not drunk before you got in the car? Just because you felt sober it doesn’t mean you were. #

 

Also this – So I left her a message back telling her how badly she scared us and asking her what she was thinking driving that drunk???!!!!

There is no that drunk. If you are drunk you do not drive! No ‘that’ about it!

Post # 9
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I am so sorry this happened. Believe me, I know how terrifying it is to watch someone do this. One of my best friends is an alcoholic and her original downward spiral looked a lot like this. I suspect your step-sister has an alcohol problem and this is just the first time you’re really witnessing it. Try to remember that she didn’t do this to hurt you and that she needs help. I would try to encourage her to look into counseling or AA. 

Post # 11
Member
5425 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

I really cannot provide any sound advice, but she is an adult.  In hindsight, she shouldve known better.  I wouldnt allow this to change your view of her.  You’ll be hard pressed to find an individual who hasnt made a fool of themselves after alcohol at some point.  If you feel so strongly about this, maybe you should talk to your family about it?

Post # 12
Member
3627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That really sucks. I know it’s not the same, but two of my BMs got totally wasted at my bach party, and I was really mad. I didn’t even wasn’t to talk to them the rest of the weekend. But you really just have to let it go and be glad no one was hurt. I don’t think there’s anything else you can do.

Post # 13
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with the person who said she’s likely very embarrassed.  If this was truly out of character for her, and you don’t believe this is on ongoing problem, I’d try to just let it go.

I mean, it’s not cool that she drove drunk (at ALL), but if you and your friends were calling and texting her all night and the following day, she knows she made a poor decision.  People do really stupid things when they’re drunk- It’s not an excuse, but this may have been an eye-opening experience for her.

If she does something like this again, I’d sit down and talk to her about it face to face.

Post # 14
Member
7610 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@keranos:  That’s the first thing I thought of.  She was not the only person who drove drunk that night unless you were all sitting around drinking milk and watching her get wasted.

OP, I can see why you’re upset but let just say two things.

1) I think there is a bigger problem here than her “stealing the show”.

2) Your shower is not that big of a deal in the long run.  If she did this on your wedding night, I could understand you being more upset about it.  The shower, for me, was lovely but it wasn’t like I’d been dreaming of my shower since I was a little girl, you know?  Opening gifts and looking at them with your FI is nice, but I don’t remember it being “joyous”.  Did you still have fun at the actual event?  Try to remember that part and all the people who came to show their love and generosity to you before this happened with your step sister.

Also, I agree that she’s probably embarrassed.  Let her get back to you and then tell her how she made you feel, but try to focus on your concern for her and not your anger over her “stealing the show”.

Post # 15
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I don’t think the issue is really that she drank so much (let’s face it – it happens), but that she got in the car and drove in that condition.

What if you explained to her that everyone makes mistakes and you’re not judging her for overdrinking, because it happens, but that your chief concern is her safety and that she could have really hurt herself or someone else for that matter.

At my friend’s bachelorette party many years ago, I drank too much.  It wasn’t on purpose, but I hadn’t eaten a lot that day and by the end of the night, I could walk and all, but I got the spins and threw up in her bathroom (I made it to the toilet).  I always felt embarrassed about that, but the truth of the matter is I wasn’t out of control and I didn’t get in a car. 

I’m just saying, the real issue here should be her safety, not that she “stole the show,” because she probably didn’t mean to.

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