Post # 1
I selected the BM dresses last July, and since July was almost a year away from the wedding, I told my BMs I’d like them to order their dress by the beginning of January (wedding is in June). A couple weeks ago, I touched base with each of my BMs either in person or via phone/text and they all confirmed they ordered their dresses except for 1. She said she was going that weekend to order hers. So here we are, a couple weeks later, and I just called AA this morning to let them know I am coming to pick up my wedding dress and said, “btw can you tell me if so-and-so ordered her bridesmaid dress yet?” The girl at AA told me she hadn’t ordered hers yet.
So I am just wondering what you would do? I feel kinda silly because she of course still has time to order the dress and I know people have a lot going on their life and aren’t thinking of my wedding all the time like the bride is lol, but I can’t change my feelings-I am feeling a little bummed she hasn’t ordered it…I think I am feeling kind of down too because I also haven’t talked to this BM that much the past 2 or 3 months, while all the other ones I connect with at least once a week if not more…I think we’ve just kind of drifted apart…so I think that combined with the fact that she hasn’t ordered her dress is making me kinda bummed
so should I just wait and let her order it when she wants to? I don’t want to be annoying and keep asking her to order it…
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
talk to her more and keep reminding her, and if it’s getting down to the wire, maybe just place the order for her?
Post # 4
My BM dresses take at least 3 months to get in, and they all have to be ordered at the same time so they are all cut from the same dye lot. I am going to have all my girls order theirs 5 months before the wedding so there is plenty of time for alterations if needed.
This sounds like something one of my BM’s would do. That’s why I’m not giving her a choice of when we order them. I would talk to her and let her know it’s past the due date, and you need her to order it, if she doesn’t want to do that then she obviously doesn’t care about being in the wedding.
Post # 5
just remind her and ask her if there’s anything you can do to help the process.
Post # 6
@sdnathe: if she doesn’t want to do that then she obviously doesn’t care about being in the wedding. Might sound awful but this is kinda what I am thinking. I think I’ll gently remind her and ask if theres anything I can do to help, but if it comes down to the wire and she hasn’t ordered anything,she likely doesnt care..
Post # 7
Maybe ask her if she wants you to go with and then grab lunch. Try to make it a bonding experience for the two of you since you feel you have kind of drifted. This is assuming you both live close to the store.
Post # 8
@HeLovesDogs: I thought that sounds awful as I wrote it. But what else can you think? This is one of the most important times of your life. It shouldn’t be stressful. BM’s are supposed to be there to support and help you. Not be the cause of stress. Good luck with her!
Post # 9
@HeLovesDogs : I would send her a text or call her and just breezily say, “Hey, can you order your dress by the end of the week? The dresses will take some time to come in and you’ll need some time if you need alterations. Thanks a bunch!” I think if you give people short deadlines they are better and responding quickly. If she gives you an excuse to not order her dress, ask, “Can you give me your measurements and I can order it for you, and you can pay me back?”
Post # 10
I just posted almost this same thing a few minutes ago and we have the same date!! 🙂 Except only one of mine has ordered and 5 haven’t. It’s stressful!
Post # 11
Can you place he order for her?
Post # 12
How long does it take to get the dress in? I thought you needed four months for delivery and a month or so for alterations? I agree invite her to lunch to reconnect and explore if she still wants to be a BM and then go order the dress together.
Post # 13
Honestly, I would place the order for her, but you need to put down a deposit to order the dress…and I’m sure she would pay me back, but it’s like is she really going to make me call her for her measurements, call the store, give them my debit card number for the deposit and go through all the hassle so she can just procrastinate? FI and I have been engaged for a year and she has had since July to order the dress!
I think I will try to reconnect with her and try to meet for coffee one night…hopefully then she’ll be more motivated to order her dress because I’ll gently ask if everything is all squared away!
@nativedesires: AA told me other bridesmaids it takes about 10-12 weeks to get their dresses, and then you do have to factor alterations in…so I mean she does have some time…if she ordered it this week it would be coming in around end of april…I always just like to give extra time in case the dress gets delayed or something unexpected happens!
Post # 14
Rather than assuming the worst (i.e. that she doesn’t care about your wedding) I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Your wedding is 6 months away, which feels like a long time to her. Yes, production schedules, dye lots, time for alterations, yadda yadda … she could be having cash flow problems right now, she could be extremely busy with other things going on in her life at the moment, etc., and all of that is naturally going to be a higher priority for her than ordering and paying for a dress she didn’t get to pick out and might not be all that excited to wear.
I think going to lunch with her is a good idea. Make sure you communicate clearly, though, that her friendship and her presence are important to you – not just the dress.
Post # 15
I agree with the above, My wedding is 6 months away and its now going very quickly for me and i’m starting to worry about silly little things. I attended 2 weddings last year, when they were 6 months ahead it felt like ages until they’d come round. But when you’re the bride it feels completely different.
In the UK the tradition is thats the bride pays for the bridesmaid dresses, i’m not saying your way is wrong, but it would seem strange to me to ask a friend to be a bridesmaid and then tell her what dress i’d like her to wear and expect her to pay for it, when the chances are she’d never wear it again. Also seems that it eliviates a lot of stress as they are all ordered at the same time. Good luck, hope you get it sorted.
Post # 16
@HeLovesDogs: I’m having the same problem with my FSIL and FI’s niece are both bridesmaids in my wedding at the end of June. The niece is younger so my FSIL is going to buy her dress. All my bridesmaids and I went dress shopping for them three months ago and they all picked out their styles and everything. After talking to David’s Bridal they said they need to order their dresses by the end of January. Well a week after they tried on dresses, we found out that David’s Bridal made an oops and my FSIL’s dress she picked doesn’t come in the color we choose, and she needed to pick another dress. So to make a long story short, we are now past January, FSIL has yet to look for another style and has not ordered her niece’s dress! The dress turn around is 12 weeks and alterations are 6-8 weeks! We are coming down to the wire! So I texted her again and told her I want them ordered ASAP! And explained the time frame. And one of my bridesmaids also text everyone to remind them that this is mine and my FI wedding and that they do not need to cause us stress lol. So if she doesn’t have them ordered by this weekend, I will have to see if I can put it on a credit card. Some may call it being pushy but I don’t want something to happen and they don’t have a dress in time! Better safe then sorry! I hope things are working out for you 🙂