Post # 1
I’ve been friends with this girl since Middle School. Over 10 years now. In the last 3 years, she’s become distant to me. I would say in those three years, I’ve probably seen her less than 10 times. Last year alone, I saw her twice. She is very flakey. She will either make plans with me and cancel an hour before, or she will keep telling me that she’ll “let me know” and then about an hour before give me the answer.
I feel like it’s almost like she has to be in the right mood to see me, as I never get more than an hour’s notice. I asked her to be a bridesmaid because I felt it was the right thing to do. When we do get to hang out, things feel great and I feel like she’s the same person she’s always been. It’s just getting to that point that’s super hard. When I asked her she made the comment “You’d better ask me to be a bridesmaid!” When I really had debated it long and hard.
Last weekend we decided to have the bridal party over to get to meet each other. She told me she could come and was free all day – this was before we set the time. After the time was decided, I never heard back from her. Knowing what she’s like, I texted her confirming she was coming and of course about an hour before, she says she can’t come because “some stuff crept up” on her. It was annoying since my FI spent two days preparing food. She was just one person, but still. I hate when people do that.
Anyway, that was the last time I talked with her. What I’d love to do, is just leave it. Let her be, not expect a single thing from her until the wedding day. (I hope she doesn’t tell me an hour before that she can’t make it).
But I also don’t want to come across as not caring. That’s how she’s coming across to me, and I don’t want to do the same to her. Should I call her just to chat? Force myself to do that, at least? I NEVER talk wedding with her, because she never asks, and she never ever seems interested. But maybe I should? Should I invite her over to watch bride shows and such? Or should I stay away from wedding stuff?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t call her, things can be taken out of context and feelings can get hurt worse if you aren’t in front of each other. I would make plans with her to get lunch or coffee or something. Tell her that you really would love for her to be a part of your wedding but need to be 100% sure that you can count on her. Explain nicely that you know she gets busy sometimes and her timing gets out of her hands. This day is very important to you and you need her to be commited to being involved if she wants to be a bridesmaid.
Post # 5
Going for coffee or lunch is easier said than done. She’s busy, I get it. I’m busy too. I have to make plans a week in advance because my week nights get booked so quickly. But when I make plans with someone, I keep that night open for them. I don’t make plans on top of it, thinking that the friend won’t mind if I cancel. I feel she doesn’t understand that concept.
It’s tiring. I’m tired of it. It doesn’t matter if school’s out for 2 weeks, she’s not working and has evenings free, it’s a weekend, weekday…
When I said to call and chat, I more so meant, just a friendly conversation. I really just want nothing to do with her. But maybe I should make the attempt to be friendly. Should I talk about wedding stuff or not? Probably not to be safe, maybe let her ask about it?
Post # 6
If you feel this strongly about her I would just ask her to step down as a bridesmaid because it doesn’t sound like she will be available and if you are looking for a bridesmaid to be available and emotionally connected to you during your wedding, it would be best not to have her since she can’t offer that.
I have a feeling once you get the dresses you will be back here posting how horrible of an experience it was because she flaked all the time. If you’re worried already about her not being able to meet for coffee or cencelling an hour before, just think what it will be like when you start picking out dresses.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I think you have to have a nice long chat with her about how she flakes out all the time and you’re worried since she already started doing it with wedding stuff.Then you can see how she reacts to that and take it from there
Post # 8
@Stressed_Bride15: “When I said to call and chat, I more so meant, just a friendly conversation. I really just want nothing to do with her. But maybe I should make the attempt to be friendly.”
If you feel this strongly, then you need to have a conversation with her. Preferably in person, but with her track record, it might have to be on the phone. Tell her you understand that she’s very busy, and don’t want to put the added responsibility of being in a wedding on her plate. Say you’d be honored if she attended as a friend, but you understand if not.
She sounds like an obligation you felt, not a friend.
Post # 9
If you have to convince yourself that a decision is the right one to make ( i.e asking her to be your bridesmaid ), then maybe something is not as it should be. If you can’t meet up for coffee or lunch then maybe when you buy dresses you can just announce a deadline for when the order needs to go in. If she can’t order her dress on time she can’t be in the wedding.