(Closed) bridesmaid thinks everything is too expensive

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
8697 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

She clearly either has financial issues or just does NOT want to spend the money on the wedding. With that said, you know your options…suck it up and pay for her, drop her (which u already paid for the dress so that would be silly), or let her do her hair herself. I only asked my bridesmaids to buy their dresses and absolutely nothing else bc I know how it felt last year when I was in a wedding. I have one bridesmaid who is a single mom of 3 and I have paid for her dress because she means a lot to me so I would rather do that vs not have her in my bridal party.

Post # 4
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@meetmethere2013:  Did you ever think that she may not be doing well money wise? I would be embarrassed if one of my friends was on a website complaining about my money situation… You choose to pay for her dress so that is on you. But I was always told if the bride is requiring  hair and makeup then she pays for it…

Post # 5
Hostess
8580 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I see both sides of this. However, as pp suggested, you only really have 2 options.

Are you having extremely elaborate bm hairstyles that she can’t do it herself? I wouldn’t pay $60 to get my hair done for someone elses wedding.. I’m barely paying that amount for my OWN wedding!

 

Post # 6
Member
8697 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MsPanda:  this. Even if she does have it I think we (as brides) forget that our wedding isnt the center of everyone else’s lives and them having to spend money that is completely for US isnt something they are excited about especially requesting they get their hair done. IMO if you want your bridesmaid’s hair and/or makeup done then you should foot the bill.

Post # 7
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You sound pretty harsh. I wouldn’t want to spend that kind of money either. I didn’t ask my BMs to pay for anything.

Post # 8
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

It’s customary in Ireland for the bride to foot the bill for the bridesmaid’s outfits so i dont really have an opinion regarding your situation. But I also paid for hair and make up for bridesmaids. It’s not their wedding sowhy should they have to pay. Especially since they may not have much of a choice in the matter. I’m sure the major issue for you is her attitude but I’m trying to give a little of her perspective…

Post # 9
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

I was in a wedding last summer and ended up spending only $80 on my part of the wedding (excluding a gift for her)- I didn’t get my hair or make up done, did my own nails, etc.  – and accepted no gifts, like a dress, from the bride.  But, I was only living on $600 a MONTH, so that $80 was still nearly 1/6 of my monthly budget. She might be going through similar tough financial times and while the hair price might not seem a lot to you, it could mean a huge chunk of her budget to her. Please, please be forgiving with her!

Post # 10
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you need to have an honest talk with her and find out what’s going on.  If she is totally broke right now, I think you need to be more sensitive to her situation.  If she just doesn’t want to pay money for someone else’s wedding, then you need to decide whether you want her as a BM, and if so, whether you want to pay for her hair to get done or have her hair not get done. 

Post # 11
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ettiquette Snob here…

Ok, from the strictest of positions, the Bridemaids are “traditionally” ONLY responsible for the following expenses:

* Purchase of Wedding Apparel and Accessories

(Anything that the Bride otherwise deems necessary to her vision, shall be paid for by the Bride… hair, make-up, matchy-matchy stuff)

* Transportation to and from the city where the Wedding takes place

(Transportation to and from all Wedding related events… so to and from the Hotel / Accommodations for the Rehearsal, Rehearsal Dinner, Wedding Ceremony & Reception)

* Contribution to the Gift for the Bride that comes from all the Bridesmaids

* Individual Gift to the Couple (if being in the Wedding is not the Gift)

* Shower or Luncheon given for the Bride

— — —

The Bride on the other hand, is responsible for the Accommodations for the Bridesmaids – transportation to all Wedding Related Events – and any matchy-matchy stuff or things she deems necessary to the vision she has in mind for her maids.

The Bride is also responsible for the Bridal Luncheon… which is usually where she gives her gals their Thank You Gifts.  Thank You Gifts shall not be items that they are supposed to use for the Wedding (that isn’t a thank you… that is more of a “you must wear this”).  Thank You Gifts are chosen individually for each girl based on their specific interests… so no matchy-matchy gifts, everyone gets the same pair of earrings… that is too easy.  And shows that you didn’t put enough thought / effort into it… you are supposed to be very grateful for the time and effort they’ve put into pleasing you.  So each gal should get a different gift, suited to her… but each gift should be worth aprox the same dollar amount (IF you feel someone has gone above and beyond… then it is ok to give them an additional gift, but it is usually done after the wedding… such as something you picked up for them on your Honeymoon… “I saw this and it made me think of you and how much you did for us to make our day extra special” ) 

Hope this helps,

PS… You guys are supposed to be close, afterall she is a Bridesmaid.  Why don’t you have a heart to heart, so you can find out what is going on in her head… maybe finances are a lot tighter than you ever thought.

 

Post # 13
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am from Canada, and the part I am from you are expected to pay for those things as a bridesmaid and you don’t accept being a bridesmaid without accepting that is part of it.She sounds rude, and so do a lot of bees being so harsh on you :(I was told “If you can’t afford it don’t say yes” even though that sounds harsh.

Post # 14
Member
7184 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@meetmethere2013:  It is custom in my area as well for the BMs to pay for hair and make up. I left it up to my BMs to do that if they want too (like you did). Will it bother you if she doesn’t have her hair done or she does it herself? Or let her look at other salons? I don’t think $60 is outrageous for an up-do. I know some places are cheaper, but all of the salons I’ve looked at are about that price.

I guess for all of the people saying that you need to keep her money situation in mind… if she knew she didn’t have the money to do the stuff BMs typically do then maybe she should have said no. You could have still found a way to honor her (have her do a reading), but she did say yes so she did take on those financial responsibilities. 

Post # 15
Member
8464 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m chinese, but grew up in the US and it’s customary in my culture for the bride to pay for everything (dress, hair, shoes, accommodations, etc).  I felt really guilty making my girls pay for their flight out here, but I just didn’t have the funds.  Of course I discussed this with them, and they were comfortable paying it.  We all have budget limitations, it’s about finding something that works for everyone.

Post # 16
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

It is probably best for most friendships that we brides do not expect our bridesmaids to be able to pay such costs.

If we want them in special dresses we should expect to pay… of course they may offer to pay for it (in which case, we brides would want to thank them with a nice gift). If the bride isn’t able to afford special dresses, bridesmaids can wear a nice dress they already own.

Professional hair and makeup for a bridesmaid seems unnecessary when someone’s on a budget.

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