Bridesmaid too big for dress but refuses to talk about it?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

To be honest, there’s not a whole lot you can do here without singling her out and probably embarrassing her over her weight. If the dresses are only $35 you could always buy the XL now and keep it in reserve in case she needs it (you can return it if she doesn’t). My guess is that she is in denial and is putting off thinking about it for as long as possible. You could potentially ask for people to send through photos of them in their dresses (because you want to double check dye batch colors or length or some other excuse) to force her to try it on and deal with the problem. Then you at least have an excuse to follow up with her about alterations or a new dress.

Post # 3
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

what does the fact that she makes 51000/yr have to do with this? kinda odd that you know the exact amount and even posted it in the 1st place. it seems like you’re “counting her money”. Dont. She might make that much but isnt willing to spend more than a certain amount on wedding related things. 

Post # 4
7025 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Stop using Facebook to communicate. Talk to her in person, in private, about it.

Post # 5
3432 posts
Sugar bee

aussiemum1248:  I definitely agree with this comment.

OP you don’t have to call her fat, but you should talk to her not necessarily about her weight but the fact that she’s uncomfortable with the dress she will wear on your wedding day.  If she can’t fit in it, what’s going to happen?  She’s not going to be in the wedding?  She’s going to ignore you?  One way or another, this has to come to a head, and I would suggest sooner rather than later.  I would talk to her in person about this, since weight is always a personal issue and try to get her feelings on this.

Post # 8
2818 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

snina8916:  just one thing, OP: she is not too big for the dress, the dress is too small for her. If you decide to talk to her about this, please mind your word choice. In one instance, you would be criticizing the dress (oh stupid dress, it’s too small, let’s get you another). In the other, you would be criticizing her (the dress is perfect, so your size is obviously the problem). 

P.S. I’m really shocked that you bought a dress for someone without them being present, without them having tried it on (especially someone who is larger than average) and expected for things to turn out well. 

Post # 9
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

aussiemum1248:  Totally agree with this.

snina8916:  Something similar had happened to me only my BM ordered two sizes too small without me knowing. Her plan was to lose weight. I picked up the dress and thought nothing of it. When I got home I looked at the size and knew it was too small for her. I confronted her about it and she said she had a lot of time to lose weight, so I didn’t push it until the end of last month. I made her try on the dress knowing perfectly well that it would be much too small. I told her that I didn’t care what size she was – if she gained, lost, stayed the same weight. That was not why I chose her to be a bridesmaid. I wanted her in my bridal party because she is a big part of my life and I want her standing up there with me. It was exactly what she needed to hear – a little tough but very loving. It turned out she ordered another dress that is supposed to come in this week. I cannot say if this will be the best approach with your friend but have a heart-to-heart and be sensitive to how she is feeling.

Post # 10
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m not understanding what this friend’s income and lack of bills to pay has to do with anything?  

Post # 13
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

snina8916:  This doesn’t make any sense. The MOH bought the size Large dress for herself and it fit great, but she weighs 50 pounds more than the BM? It certainly sounds like the dress isn’t too small for her, but more that she doesn’t like the dress you picked out for her to wear. If that’s actually the case, I’m not sure that her purchasing the XL solves this problem. Did you get your BM’s input on the style of the dress at all before purchasing it for her?

Post # 14
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

Wow. I would be totally offended if you were talking about me. As a fluffy girl myself:

  1. Just because a dress is stretchy, doesn’t mean it’s flattering. Just because MOH weighs more doesn’t mean it’s proportioned the same.
  2. why are you talking to everyone else about it and not talking to her directly. That’s only more humiliating for her. 
  3. I agree with Overjoyed:  please don’t say she is too big for the dress. The dress just doesn’t fit her. You don’t just go to a seamstress to have it fixed if its too small. Store bought clothes typically do not have the material to let out. 
  4. Wtf does her income, living arrangements and bills have to do with ANY of this? That’s just being judgemental and I don’t get why in the world you would even mention it! 

Honestly do everyone a favor and either talk to her in person or call her, don’t text or Facebook and talk to her about it!!!!! Geez! 

Post # 15
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Overjoyed:  I came here to say the same thing.

snina8916:  You’ve said twice she is too big for the dress, rather than it being too small.  I wouldn’t want to talk to you about it either if I heard you say something like that.

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