(Closed) Bridesmaid trouble

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

This is tough. I think that since you told her she could bring a guest, you’re kinda stuck on that one. Even though you meant “bring your significant other/boyfriend” guest, she took that to mean “bring any guest”.

I can’t think of a way around this one. Can you just tell her “We are really strapped for space at the head table. I really want to keep it to serious SO’s of the bridal party only I don’t really know <blank> that well, and I would really like to share that time with my best friends.”

However, if its THAT important to her that whoever this dude is sit next to her at the table, I’d just suck it up. It’ll probably cause more drama than its worth trying to explain why she could bring Guest A but not Guest B.

Post # 5
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2018

I’d have to agree that it’s not worth it to try and get her to cut the guest out completely. But I do think that you should put your foot down about seating somebody that is not in your wedding party at the table with you. especially if there is not going to be any other non-wedding party guests at the head table. It sort of diminishes the entire point of having a ‘head’ table doesnt it?

 

Post # 6
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I understand your frustration. I think the best way to clear the air is to speak with her directly. Try to be gentle and understanding of her, but clearly express what your intention was in originally allowing the +1, and since the on/off boyfriend is no longer in the picture, this is how you’d like things to play out. The good news is it sounds like she’s no longer thinking of inviting someone who othewise wouldn’t have been at the wedding (so no additional costs for you and your FI).

I’m sure she in no way means to cause you stress. Once she understands where you’re coming from I’m sure she’ll be happy to enjoy the company at the head table without pushing the issue.

Post # 8
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I would try to explain to her your reasons – as you just said them.  But, it sounds like this might mean that any time she isn’t nailed down the the bridal table by food/speeches she might end up sitting with her friend at the other table.  It’s a tough situation.  Did she elaborate on why she thinks it would be uncomfortable to sit without someone?  Maybe there is something else going on here.

Also it sounds like you really want to have a head table but there is always the option of having a sweetheart table instead with you and your husband.  You are probably too far along in planning and seating charts for this but I figured I would throw it out there.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010 - Stage 6 Steiner Studios

I would just tell her that you’re keeping the head table the bridal party and very close friends. But that there will be plenty of time to mingle w/the other guests. She’s your best friend so her priority really should be celebrating w/you and just let her know your other friends are nice too. Maybe make sure she’s had enough time to spend w/the rest of the bridal party before the wedding so she feels more comfortable?

Post # 10
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think, since she already knows people at the head table including you, she should suck it up, grow up, and be able to make conversation with them just fine. Don’t givr in!

Post # 11
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

OK, so she would have brought this guy, if he wasn’t invited.  But since he is, she’ll kind of sort of think of him as a date?  So she isn’t actually bringing a plus one?  (That would be a good thing for you, right?)

I’m also a little confused.  So you have a head table, and it’s the bridal party, and for those who are married, also the spouses?  Honestly, I think the head table should be more black and white.  Either have just a sweetheart table for the bride and groom, have just the bridal party with SOs sitting at their own tables, or allow for all date to be seated with the bridal party.  I’m not sure why she feels uncomfortable at the head table alone.  Who does she know besides you?  How many others in the bridal party have dates sitting up there with them?  Maybe she means she’ll feel uncomfortable that she will be up there wihout a date, when others clearly have one.  Allowing SO to sit at the head table, and her having to sit alone,  might make her feel like it’s publicized, “Hey look at all these folks who have someone, and I do not.”  (Especially is she’s coming off a break up.)

I can’t blame you for wanting some folks who aren’t in the bridal party to be sitting at the table of honor.  However, I would encourage you to reconsider how you’re setting up the head table.  Just my two cents.

Post # 13
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Good Luck. I try to remind myself that while it is “our” day, it affects lots of our friends and family as well.  And while I love and need them now, I will still need and love them after our wedding day 🙂

Post # 14
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m sorry but I think this is being made into more of a big deal.  You won’t have time to sit and visit with the people at your table.  You won’t even have time to sit.  You’ll be up doing cake cutting, dances, greeting guests, etc.  So don’t make your friend feel all uncomfortable for just a few minutes of the evening.  Also keep in mind that if you have them sit solo at the main table then they will eventually get up and go greet other guests and the table is left empty.  That’s what I notice happen all the time at weddings.

 

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