Post # 1
My best friend is in my wedding. When we sent out the invitations, I explained to her that we were only inviting people with a guest if they were in a serious relationship because the guest list has gotten huge. I asked her if we should invite her “with guest” because she wasn’t sure where things would be at the time of the wedding with her on-again-off-again boyfriend. She said to invite her with a guest. The wedding is next month and they are definitely no longer together.
Recently she started mentioning to me different platonic friends she thought she might bring to the wedding, which struck me as sort of nervy, considering I was trying to be accomodating with the boyfriend situation and she knows that I have been extremely nervous about the size and cost of the wedding. Today she asked me if I would just stick a mutual friend of ours at the bridal party table so she wouldn’t be uncomfortable by herself. Again, this struck me as ballsy. Half of the wedding party is single, which she knows. There will be three couples (including us) and three single people at the table. She has been my friend for a long time and knows us all, so she won’t be around strangers. Her rationale was that she would have invited this person as her guest had he not been invited in the first place, so technically, he should be sitting there anyway. If she had brought a guest, I don’t think I would have sat him at the table with us, anyway.
I think it would be weird to seat this person who I am not that close with at the table with our closest friends and family. I also want my bridal party table to be just my bridal party. There will be other single people at the table and we are all friends. Most of all, I am really annoyed that she would put me in this situation by telling me she would be uncomfortable unless I sat some random person with me at my wedding.
Am I being unreasonable for thinking she should just suck it up?
Post # 3
This is tough. I think that since you told her she could bring a guest, you’re kinda stuck on that one. Even though you meant “bring your significant other/boyfriend” guest, she took that to mean “bring any guest”.
I can’t think of a way around this one. Can you just tell her “We are really strapped for space at the head table. I really want to keep it to serious SO’s of the bridal party only I don’t really know <blank> that well, and I would really like to share that time with my best friends.”
However, if its THAT important to her that whoever this dude is sit next to her at the table, I’d just suck it up. It’ll probably cause more drama than its worth trying to explain why she could bring Guest A but not Guest B.
Post # 4
Yeah, but this guy is not her guest or date. He is just another wedding guest. As far as I know, they haven’t even spoken about going together. Or even spoken recently for that matter. She is just telling me to seat this particular guest at the head table. And like I said, even if she had brought a guest, we still probably would have kept the table just the bridal party.
I agree that she can certainly bring a date since I invited her with a guest (but I was just trying to be sensitive to a sensitive situation and she knew that). But I really though she is acting inappropriately. But if I am wrong, I definitely want to know.
Post # 5
I’d have to agree that it’s not worth it to try and get her to cut the guest out completely. But I do think that you should put your foot down about seating somebody that is not in your wedding party at the table with you. especially if there is not going to be any other non-wedding party guests at the head table. It sort of diminishes the entire point of having a ‘head’ table doesnt it?
Post # 6
I understand your frustration. I think the best way to clear the air is to speak with her directly. Try to be gentle and understanding of her, but clearly express what your intention was in originally allowing the +1, and since the on/off boyfriend is no longer in the picture, this is how you’d like things to play out. The good news is it sounds like she’s no longer thinking of inviting someone who othewise wouldn’t have been at the wedding (so no additional costs for you and your FI).
I’m sure she in no way means to cause you stress. Once she understands where you’re coming from I’m sure she’ll be happy to enjoy the company at the head table without pushing the issue.
Post # 7
Million, you actually hit on what I think is really bothering me. I think I feel a little hurt that the thought of sitting at a table with the people I am closest to makes her so uncomfortable.
Post # 8
I would try to explain to her your reasons – as you just said them. But, it sounds like this might mean that any time she isn’t nailed down the the bridal table by food/speeches she might end up sitting with her friend at the other table. It’s a tough situation. Did she elaborate on why she thinks it would be uncomfortable to sit without someone? Maybe there is something else going on here.
Also it sounds like you really want to have a head table but there is always the option of having a sweetheart table instead with you and your husband. You are probably too far along in planning and seating charts for this but I figured I would throw it out there.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2010 - Stage 6 Steiner Studios
I would just tell her that you’re keeping the head table the bridal party and very close friends. But that there will be plenty of time to mingle w/the other guests. She’s your best friend so her priority really should be celebrating w/you and just let her know your other friends are nice too. Maybe make sure she’s had enough time to spend w/the rest of the bridal party before the wedding so she feels more comfortable?
Post # 10
I think, since she already knows people at the head table including you, she should suck it up, grow up, and be able to make conversation with them just fine. Don’t givr in!
Post # 11
OK, so she would have brought this guy, if he wasn’t invited. But since he is, she’ll kind of sort of think of him as a date? So she isn’t actually bringing a plus one? (That would be a good thing for you, right?)
I’m also a little confused. So you have a head table, and it’s the bridal party, and for those who are married, also the spouses? Honestly, I think the head table should be more black and white. Either have just a sweetheart table for the bride and groom, have just the bridal party with SOs sitting at their own tables, or allow for all date to be seated with the bridal party. I’m not sure why she feels uncomfortable at the head table alone. Who does she know besides you? How many others in the bridal party have dates sitting up there with them? Maybe she means she’ll feel uncomfortable that she will be up there wihout a date, when others clearly have one. Allowing SO to sit at the head table, and her having to sit alone, might make her feel like it’s publicized, “Hey look at all these folks who have someone, and I do not.” (Especially is she’s coming off a break up.)
I can’t blame you for wanting some folks who aren’t in the bridal party to be sitting at the table of honor. However, I would encourage you to reconsider how you’re setting up the head table. Just my two cents.
Post # 12
Actually, it’s a little more clear than it sounds. The wedding party is my sister, my fiance’s sister, and the friend. And then my fiance’s best friend, his brother in law and my cousin. So the only non-wedding party person sitting at the table would be my cousin’s wife because I thought it wouldn’t be polite to separate them and they are both close family. My sister will have no date and my fiance’s best friend will have no date and his sister and his brother-in-law are the other married couple and they are both in the wedding.
My friend does not think of this guy she wants at the table as a “date.” He is a mutual gay friend so it really would be just adding a random guest to the table so that she would have the appearance of not being alone. And then I think it makes it weirder for the other single people at the table who didn’t ask to sit with someone random of the opposite sex. My own sister is going to be single at the table and I don’t want to leave her hanging.
The more I think about it, I am certain that the table, as I envision it, is appropriate and it would be very strange to add this person. And I definitely do not want a sweetheart table. We have a small wedding party because we really just wanted those people we are closest with to stand with us and after the ceremony, we would like to surround ourselves with these same people. I will explain this to her, but I am hurt that I have to. It is such a small, intimate group that I thought she was so obviously a part of that I am kind of offended that rather than seeing it as something special, she sees it as an uncomfortable burden.
I’ve tried to rationalize this, but I still just think she is acting kinda rude. Thanks for all your comments. It has given me a lot to think about and however I handle this, I will definitely be more sensitive to how she is feeling.
Post # 13
Good Luck. I try to remind myself that while it is “our” day, it affects lots of our friends and family as well. And while I love and need them now, I will still need and love them after our wedding day 🙂
Post # 14
I’m sorry but I think this is being made into more of a big deal. You won’t have time to sit and visit with the people at your table. You won’t even have time to sit. You’ll be up doing cake cutting, dances, greeting guests, etc. So don’t make your friend feel all uncomfortable for just a few minutes of the evening. Also keep in mind that if you have them sit solo at the main table then they will eventually get up and go greet other guests and the table is left empty. That’s what I notice happen all the time at weddings.
Post # 15
Eh. Maybe I have blown it out of proportion. But, as we all know, sometimes no matter what you do in these situations, you will end up offending someone. My sister is older than I am and unmarried and single. And I feel as though inviting someone to sit with my friend while leaving my sister high and dry is sort of rude and awkard for her. My fiance’s reaction was actually that it would be really uncomfortable for this poor guy to be at our table with our tightly knit group of friends and family who he does not know rather than at a table with a group of people he would be comfortable with and who I know he is excited to see. I told my friend that we are going to keep the table small to be considerate of the other solo guests but we are sure that everyone will be up and mingling and dancing the whole night so it won’t matter in the end. Thanks for your help everyone and for reminding me that this is not a big deal.