Post # 1
When I got engaged I asked all the girls I knew if they wanna be a bridesmaid. But there was 1 friend who I didnt ask becuase I knew she could not finacely afford it. I told her and she said thats fine. So a couple months go by and asked her anyway cause I do want her apart in my special day. The night I asked she said yes. But 3 days later, she facebooked message my fiance and said she didnt feel my asking of her was sincere. and was unsure she wanted to be one. So I talked to her and finally she said yes. now couple months have passed and havent heard anything from her. I sent a mass email to the bridemaids on dress selcetions i liked and she left the convo. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO. Im already stresses enough with everything else. Please give me some insight.
Post # 3
@fairytaleprincess45: The way you went about asking her was not the best way to do it. To be honest, I might feel a bit hurt or like I was an after thought as well.
Is it possible that the dress selections were out of her price range?
All you can really do is sit down and talk with her privately about what is going on. Tell her you’re sorry if there was a miscommunication, that you love her very much, and you absolutely would love to have her in your wedding party. Listen to what she has to say and see if her comments are legitimate or not. If she decides to stay in then show her the dresses and ask which ones would work best for her. If she decides not to, then let it go and move on.
Post # 4
@fairytaleprincess45: I would feel hurt by the way you went about it. In her shoes I probably would have said no. I’m guessing there still may be hard feelings and a direct conversation is what you need. It sounds like you told her she was poor, asked her anyway and then didn’t have a conversation about what she could afford before sending out dress selections.
Post # 5
Is there a chance that perhaps she assumed you were buying her dress (since you were apparently aware she couldn’t afford it) and when you started sharing that information she seen that she couldn’t afford to do it and left the convo in a panic. She may also have been embarassed if she couldn’t afford that stuff when everyone else could and felt like she didn’t belong.
I would contact her personally and flat out ask her if she has any concerns/problems she wants to share with you. If there are financial troubles you may need to look into either finding a cheaper option or helping her pay for it – it would be so harsh to then ask her to leave the bridal party because she can’t afford it (as you originally knew and told her).
Post # 6
@fairytaleprincess45: Ask her for a face-to-face get-together and when you’re with her, have a do-over. Ask her to be your bridesmaid…properly. Write her a nice card, give her a small token of friendship – so she feels you’re asking out of sincerity rather than obligation or guilt. Don’t do anything over text or Facebook. Apologize and own the fact that you approached the situation in a way that might have lead to hurt feelings, then ask her how she is genuinely feeling. If she no longer wants to be part of your bridal party, let her out without any hard feelings.
Post # 7
Thanks everyone! The issue was she has 3 kids and what I said to her was I know weddings are hard espically if your a bridemaid (personal experance) and I didnt wanna burden you with all that because you do have 3 kids and rather you spend your time and money on them. But I do want you apart of my day and if you would please be my bridesmaid. She said I totally understand and yes. I wasnt being rude or saying she was poor in anyway. Also Im not choosing very exspensive dresses anyway so thats not a facotr. But I have tried and contacted her since and she hasnt got back to me. JUst dont wanna loose a friend over this. If your going to be apart o the wedding thats great if not im still gonna be your friend. I dont feel she thinks that. 🙁
Post # 7
I had a friend I was hesitant on asking because of financial reasons, but really wanted her to be there. Well I asked, she said she would. Found the dresses for $40, so I know that wasn’t the issue. She never showed. I had to get a last minute bridesmaid the day before. Talk about uncomfortable! I had to ask my cousin and I know what she was thinking. I’m good enough to be your backup but wasn’t good enough to be asked to in the beginning. Some people are just not reliable and others, well… they are insensitive about little things and end up ruining your day. I know why she didn’t go. She was mad I didn’t ask her to be my maid of honor and JUST a bridesmaid. Some people make it about THEM, when it’s supposed to be YOUR day. I had a friend ask me to be her MOH but got bumped to a bridesmaid the day of without being notified. Did I complain or pout? No! It was HER day and I was happy her sister was able to be her MOH after all.