Post # 1
I received this e-mail from one of my best friends today (who is a bridesmaid):
I know you haven’t decided on a dress or an exact date for ordering. I know at one point June or July was discussed for a probable ordering time. Is it possible that I would be able to order in August?
I’m having some unforeseen financial issues that have come up and I’m trying my best, but I just don’t think I’ll be able to pay in June or July.
If it’s not going to be okay, I understand. I want to be there for you and I know that comes with financial responsibilities, but if it’s not okay then I understand that I wouldn’t be able to be a part.
She never has money when it comes to doing stuff with me and our two other best friends but yet, buys $100 candles (for example). I got engaged in December of 2009 and am getting married in December 2010. I feel like with a year, she had time to save money. Her excuse for unforeseen bills were “bills and medical stuff.” well if it is medical stuff, she is my best friend, wouldn’t i know about this medical stuff? we tell each other everything. i just feel like i’m being put on the back burner when i know she is doing all kind of other things i.e. going to paris this summer on a ticket that her boyfriend’s dad is paying for. i don’t want to be aggravated by this because she was my friend before a bridesmaid. my moh said i need to say something to her but i don’t want to get on bad terms or make things worse. i just need some insight on how to handle this situation because half of me wants to blow it off and the other half wants to bitch her out!! HELP!
(sorry so long, had to vent!)
Post # 3
What a frustrating situation!
I agree with your MOH that you should talk to her. Otherwise you’re just going to get more resentful and frustrated about the situation. She might not realize how much this bothers you.
Post # 4
That’s a bit disappointing. Everyone has different priorities and in her case, her other shopping priorities come first. If you don’t feel that she is a worthy friend, perhaps she shouldn’t be a bridesmaid? Just be nice about it and say, if she can’t afford to be a bridesmaid, then it’s ok for her not to be a bridesmaid?
Don’t pick difficult bridesmaids. Otherwise things will just get more complicated down the line.
Post # 5
I agree that you need to talk to her. I would ask her if she is okay because of the medical issues and ask her if there is anything you can do for here. If she is not telling the truth, maybe she will be guilted into finding a way to pay in June/July. If she is telling the truth, maybe you can be sympathetic toward her. Also, let her know that usually only a partial deposit is required when ordering a gown and the rest is due when the gown comes in. You could also let her know that if she would like to stepdown, you would be okay with that and you would still be friends with her.
Post # 6
I agree with PP’s. You need to talk to her. Invite her out to lunch or something and ask her what’s going on and give her a bit of sympathy (not that you’re in the wrong here). Maybe she’s had something personal come up and didn’t want to get into it over e-mail (needs a hysterectomy or something along those lines). Maybe she’s having problems and maybe she made a few too many impulse buys, but you at least owe her a cursory chat before suggesting that she step down, at least in my opinion.