Post # 1
hi, i have had a few problems with my wedding party. can anyone help me?
i got engaged last year and was so excited i wanted everyone to be there and be bridesmaids, i had recently moved interstate and at the time i was still close with my old friends from back home. i have been away for nearly 3 years now, going back home for holidays and sometimes catching up with them.
since i announced that they would be my bridesmaids, they made no effort to contact me, hardly email and i felt as if i was running around after them, i thought bridesmaids were supposed to help.
i decided it would be less stress and finacially more affordable to have bridesmaids, from my new cirlce of friends, who have really been there, as it was a very hard transtion to a new area and they are on board 100%.
i told the girls this and they have turned around and been spiteful, and critizing me, calling me "bridezilla". and also do not want to be friends anymore.
i realise this is not a bad thing, really, as they are not true friends to have turned around like this.
it is hurtful and dissapointing, has anyone else ever had a situation like this?
Post # 3
Well – this is a tough situation. The truth is that when your bridesmaids live far away it can be really hard for them to be involved in the wedding. A friend of mine got married and her family and all of her bridesmaids were traveling from far away, so my FI and I volunteered to spend the day before her wedding helping with all the tasks that we knew the bridesmaids/family wouldn’t be able to help with. She didn’t get upset (maybe because she had us to help her – if we weren’t there it might have been a different story). At any rate, I think it is really hard for faraway bridesmaids to be involved. Quite frankly, the problem could have been avoided if you had added bridesmaids instead of replacing them – people tend to get very upset when they are cut from a bridal party. The bridesmaid responsibilities tend to vary tremendously -in some circles it is expected that the bridesmaid throw your shower, attend fittings, help pick the dress and help decorate the hall. In other circles (like mine) the bridesmaids are only expected to purchase their bm dresses in a timely fashion and just show up to the rehearsal and wedding. So it is hard to assume what your friends should have done as bridesmaids.
Post # 4
This is difficult. I think some things aren’t very clear.
What did you want them to e-mail you about? I’m not sure that Bms should be initiating about much. They plan a shower and bach party… it’s certainly nice for them to check in and see how things are going. But I don’t think it’s a requirement. Maybe they assumed everything was fine unless you called.
When you say you had to run after them, what did that mean? You initiate the call or e-mail? Did they not return those calls? How much time did you give them to return the calls? I really don’t know if this is your situation, but sometimes brides can lose objectivity on how much of priority their wedding should be to others, even those in the wedding party.
Seeing that you are out of state from the original Bms were you maybe asking them to do a lot of the leg work for you, in planning the wedding? (I’m guessing here that your wedding is in your hometown, where your original BMs are.) If so did they know that up front? If you were expecting these things from them, and they didn’t know it, I think you were asking too much from them.
Also, did you speak to the original BMs about feeling like they weren’t there for you? If you didn’t have a discussion with them, I think you made a mistake by just kicking them out, without notice.
Again, I don’t know that I hit on anything here. There’s just alot of missing information. But if any of this makes some sense, you might want to talk to the original BMs and try to smooth things over. I’m sorry some friendships have soured (hopefully temporarily). Good luck.