Post # 1
So my wedding is nearly 3 months away and i’m having a big do and making lots of little things myself to help cut costs. The thing is, my bridemaids are not helping me and have not even offered to help! I have asked and they either say nearer the time or they will see and don’t even get back to me. They all seemed to be more interested in what they are doing with their hair without even consulting me about what i am doing with mine or what alterations they want to do with the bridemaids dresses that i actually brought them. I try to get into the conversations and they just don’t seem to care about what i want for my own wedding. They are even complaining about walking down the aisle before me linking arms with the grooms men!
Bascially i want to cut them all, i only chose them becasue they are family and i dont want to cause any bad blood but they can’t expect to get all the glory of being bridemaids and not doing anything to help or even ask how things are coming along! I just feel totally alone (although fiance helping and understands what i’m going through with them) and feel that they should either pull their act together or should be kicked out. I have tried talking to my mum but again she doesnt seem to care about how i want things on my day and keeps siding with the bridemaids rather than her own child just so there are no arguments but i’m getting so frustrated. Please help, even if its just advice on how to scrap the bridemaids!
Post # 3
@Duchess: You might get some different opinions out there, but mine is that the bridesmaids “job” is fulfilled if they show up for the rehearsal and wedding in the right outfit with the right attitude. Maybe they aren’t crafty and aren’t interested in your DIY projects. Maybe hair is more their thing. So what.
And I don’t consider being a bridesmaid to be a “glorified” position. It is an honor that a person thinks of you as a close friend, but that’s about it. They already, (in general, not sure about your case) have to buy/wear a certain dress, possibily shoes, possibly have hair and makeup done and spend a day and a half or so devoted to your wedding.
Post # 4
@Duchess: Sorry the only real “job” of the bridal party is to show up the day of the wedding looking good and sober and to stand up for you for your wedding. All the other stuff is extras. No one is going to be as excited for your wedding as you are. Your Bridesmaid or Best Man have lives also.
I would just chill out and think about this. Would rather lose friends because of this or have those people stand up for you for your wedding?
Post # 5
@Natalieh86: At the moment like they aren’t interested in being bridemaids at all, just making sure that their boyfriends ties match their dresses! I know they are a very crafty bunch and i just assumed that I would probably get a little more help (like they all promised at the begining) but just seems like they aren’t that excited for me which hurts a little. I’ve brought the dresses that they felt happy in so i am trying to do my bit but they have just recently all backed out from my hen party without even telling me, i had to find out from a friend. they are more than happy to watch me doing wedding stuff but not helping although I know they have helped out lots for their other friends.
I actually have over 300 people coming to my wedding with different events leading up to the day (sorry, I should of said it’s an indian wedding!) so could use the extra support.
I think i might just see how it goes, I might just be having a ‘moment’!
Post # 6
Agree with the others. Your bridesmaids are not personal assistants and shouldn’t be expected to chip in on the prep work. Maybe you all need to sit down, clear the air, and see what each girl is able to contribute to the overall planning and prep; perhaps there are tasks that some are more interested or skilled in that they wouldn’t mind owning and would still take pressure off of you even if they’re not DIY/crafty things. But you can’t come up with a project and just assign it to people. That’s not what they’re there for.
Post # 7
My fiance’s family have been amazing and keen to get involved and just feel a little sad that my family aren’t really that happy for me. I don’t expect them to be with me all the time (venues, dresses, caterers, entertaintements ect have all been done by me and my other half) but be nice for them to ask to see if i need anything
Post # 8
I believe that you’re reading to much into things. It is not the responsibility of the bridesmaids to assist with DIY projects, they can out of the kindness of your heart. This should not make you look down on them and “their duties”. You chose these woman to stand up for you on the happiest day of your life. Don’t cause tension and lose friendships and cause bad blood between family members over some centre pieces and invitations. It is your wedding, and ultimately you were the one that chose the DIY projects, 300 guests is a crazy amount of guest for DIY but this doesn’t reflect them as bridesmaids.
Post # 9
I think i need to calm down a little, so stressed out! I promise you, having 300 plus guests is not something i wanted, just an indian wedding thing!
Post # 10
Yea I agree with everyone else…its not really a required field of the bridesmaids. HOWEVER, it is for the Maid or Matron of honor! Where is she?
Post # 11
@LuvMyBunny: Sorry, no, it’s not required of anyone to do anything.
OP, while I think it would be nice for your family to show a bit of interest, kicking them out won’t make that happen. Just keep doing what you’re doing, try to spend some non-wedding time with them and maybe they will come around. Hopefully they will start to show some excitement closer to the day!
Post # 12
I don’t expect my BM’s to help with DIY projects but if they offered I would glady accept but I don;t expect them to.
I think you need to relax and have a talk with them before making any decisions regarding kicking them out of your wedding.
Post # 13
Its not required for anyone to to anything for you wedding. Dont let the maid in maid of honor or bridsmaid fool you. You asked THEM to be in your wedding. Now if it were the other way around the I would be a little peeved.
Your just a little stressed. Calm down. Maybe you should ASK if they are willing to help out with projects instead of expecting.
Good luck though! I know this wedding stuff will really stress you out!
Post # 14
You can either make peace with the fact that your bridesmaids just don’t want to be involved. Accept it and move on. Or you can just tell them that you’ve decided not to have a wedding party. You can’t force people to be interested or involved.
BUT, I disagree with the common opinion around here that bridesmaids have no other duties than to show up on the day. That sounds absolutely terrible. There should be a purpose to everything, and if all you need is a warm body to stand next to you, I have to ask: why? What’s the point?
For me, the whole point of having people stand up there with me is to symbolize the fact that these are the people who have supported me, given me their friendship over the years, and who are delighted to see me through the next step in my life. Part of being a good friend is showing interest in the things that matter to each other. If none of your bridesmaids are supporting you and offering you their friendship throughout your engagement, why have them stand up there with you at the culmination of your engagement? If they aren’t being good friends to you right now, then having them stand up there is just fulfilling a tradition for tradition’s sake. Which I kinda hate. It makes it so empty.
It’s not just that a bridesmaid should be interested in your wedding, it’s that a good FRIEND period should be interested. No, this doesn’t mean they need to be doing all sorts of DIY projects with you, or buying expensive dresses, or be at your beck and call to offer opinions. It just means they need to support you in the way any good friend should. By staying connected. By being interested in your life. By offering their thoughts and advice, to laugh with you over silly things and comfort you when things go horribly bad. If they’re not doing any of these things, they’re not only being a lackluster bridesmaid, they’re a lackluster friend.
In exchange for that friendship though, you have to be a good friend to them. Understand that people are busy. Engage in THEIR lives and what might be important/awesome/sad in their lives. Don’t make it all about you. But at the same time, don’t let your disappointment with your bridesmaid sour this experience for you. Cut them loose if they’re making this harder than it should be.
I think weddings make you realize who your true friends are.