Post # 1
Yesterday on facebook (I know- it’s childish) a bridesmaid who hasn’t helped with anything for my wedding highjacked a post on another friends page which said, “I would love some help I’m really stressed!” The highjacker bridesmaid said “You’re only stressed because your making yourself stressed” which made me really upset. I don’t have a mom to help me, my fiance’s parents aren’t helping and I really did need help and my wedding is two weeks away- I AM stressed!!! I posted back that “It’s a lot for one person and yes I do need help” to which she replied, “other people have lives too”…. She has always been a fair weather friend and this comment just plain angered me. She hasn’t done a damn thing to help me, doesn’t ask how things are coming, and has just complained about money the whole time. I am contemplating kicking her out of the wedding because I think her true colors came out. I deleted the whole facebook post and haven’t spoken to her since. Should I just allow her to stand or give her the boot? I really don’t plan on being close friends after this at all.
This wedding has been the most stressful event in my life and I feel like I have very little support and am not at all looking forward to it. It’s straining relationships, finances, and my energy. I am a pretty calm person and have done almost everything by myself, this isn’t like me and I feel like I’m slipping into depression. I stayed in bed and cried all weekend. I want to be married to my fiance but I don’t feel like this wedding is about that anymore, I feel like it’s a show for everyone else. I didn’t want a big wedding- he did and I’m resenting him for it.
Post # 3
I’m a little confused, did you post on another friends wall that you needed help because you are stressed or did your other friend ask for help for you? Either way, the other BM didn’t really need to make either of her comments. If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say it.
On the other hand, BM’s aren’t really required to do anything except buy a dress and show up the day of. I sympathize with you that you have a big wedding and would like help, but unfortunately, bridesmaids aren’t free laborers.
If you really don’t want to be friends with her after the wedding and you feel she is putting a damper on your happiness, then maybe it is best if she wasn’t a part of your day. If you care about the friendship, just let it go and see if your other BM’s will help you as much as they can. Maybe even ask your FI to help you. If he wanted the big wedding, I’m sure he can take some time to help you get stuff done, then maybe you won’t resent him as much. I hope it works out.
Post # 4
I had posted on another friends page asking for help and the BM commented on our conversation.
I guess I was under the impression that your bridesmaids were supposed to care and help with wedding stress. That’s why you ask people you think are your friends to be in the wedding. I wouldn’t consider not helping if the tables were turned. The only thing I asked her to do was help other friends decorate the hall on the day of the rehersal dinner. She just had to show up and help. She said she didn’t know if she would be busy that day or not. (she doesn’t work) I wasn’t asking her to plan the damn thing and the FB conversation had nothing to do with her.
My Fiance’ is trying to help but he’s clueless as to what needs to be done and he has helped in little ways.
Post # 5
I’m sorry the wedding planning has become so unpleasant. Is it an option to scrap the whole thing and elope instead, and save what little is left of your sanity? A wedding should not overshadow a marriage. 🙁
I would also definitely cut this BM out of your celebration (if you still want to call it that – you can hopefully salvage some good feelings, still). Not only is she adding unneeded stress, but in 10 years, when you have not spoken for those 10 years, you don’t want to look back at wedding pics and be like, “Oh and there’s Suzy Q, she was so nasty the whole time.” You want to surround yourself with people you love and who love you and who want to stand with you!
Good luck. I think it is time to be ruthless in the interest of your own happiness. 🙁
Post # 6
I agree with Charlotte, if you’re going into this whole wedding with the intention to not be friend with her after the fact, I’d say it’s better to cut the tie now then to risk letting her ruin your experience and day anymore. She doesn’t sound like someone you need in all those beautiful pictures you’ll be looking back at over the years…