(Closed) Bridesmaid unable to come to bachelorette or shower…should she contribute?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should she contribute?
    She shouldn't contribute : (88 votes)
    83 %
    She should help in any way she can : (18 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    395 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @Chapssstick:  while it kind of sucks she’s not being more generous, you can’t assume you know her financial state. Also, she already has to come in from out of state. Am I right to assume she’s paying for her own travel and accommodation? 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1881 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    No one HAS to contribute to anything.

    Post # 6
    Member
    710 posts
    Busy bee

    No way. She perhaps could have been gentler in her response but when someone is asking you for money that you’re not willing to contribute it doesn’t do much good to be wishy-washy about it.

    See it from her side: she’s missing out on these fun pre-wedding activities and she’s incurring expenses to travel to this wedding.

    Post # 7
    Member
    395 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @Chapssstick:  Well, who knows, maybe she’s already spent a lot on your present. Maybe she’s just had to have toast for a week. 

    Just think about what it means in the grand scheme of things, are you going to have less fun at the events without her monetary contribution? Try and just brush it off. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    8706 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I wouldnt have ever asked her to contribute.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1671 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    ^^^^this.

    No way. She can’t go and it’s an optional party/celebration. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    3267 posts
    Sugar bee

    She is not hosting these events. The host plans and pays for what they have planned.

    Post # 12
    Member
    114 posts
    Blushing bee

    They are optional parties and she said from the start that she couldn’t attend either of them, so there should be no expectation that she should contribute financially. Either the other bridesmaithe split the costs or reduce the price of the parties, if they are that concerned about contributions.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3260 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Intimate nothing about your expectations, and see if she offers help or not.  If she doesn’t but you think she should you’ve learned something about each other.

    Post # 15
    Member
    115 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I voted she should help any way she can… before I read the post and saw that the question is asking for a financial contribution. I don’t think anyone should be obligated to contribute especially when they are not even coming to the events. I personally would have offered to split the costs of the shower w/ the rest of the bridal party even if I were unable to attend. However, I would never ASK anyone to contribute. When I was an MOH, I planned the bachelorette party and did not ask for any contributions for alcohol for the pre-party, or food/snacks/games, prizes. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    2660 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @andielovesj:  +1

    The hosts of the party are the ones responsible for paying.  And just because you are a BM doesn’t mean you automatically a hostess of a shower or bachelorette.  Your BM isn’t coming and therefore not hosting – why on earth would she pay?

    Just tell your MOH that it makes sense that the BM isn’t contributing because the BM isn’t hosting.  And who knows, maybe the BM will send you a shower and/or bachelorette gift.

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