(Closed) Bridesmaid wants deadbeat husband to be invited…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do we let deadbeat husband of bridesmaid come to wedding?
    Yes.....just ignore him : (39 votes)
    85 %
    No....he will have to find somethng else to do that day. : (7 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    494 posts
    Helper bee

    For one…..Um, why is she even with this loser? But to answer your question, if it honestly bothers you that much to have him there then I would not invite him. Obviously they are used to not doing things together so I dont see why your wedding needs to be any different.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4485 posts
    Honey bee

    There are exceptions that can be made on rare occasions when it comes to inviting spouses, and this definitely applies. First of all, the bride and groom are the only ones who make any invitation decisions and no one else has the right to ask, request, or otherwise make suggestions on who to invite and who not to. But if he has a history of abandoning his wife at venues, and you do not want him there due to his past misbehavior around you, then don’t invite him, period. No one can say or do anything once you have made your choice.

    Post # 5
    Member
    674 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think if she wants him there, and since she is a bridesmaid, you should invite him. Maybe you’ll be lucky and he won’t even show. But for her sake I’d consider inviting him. You probably won’t notice him among all the other guests.

    Post # 6
    Member
    647 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    This is an easy situation.  Invite him (because it’s proper etiquette, which you already know) and he probably won’t come anyway.  If you don’t invite him, you risk hurting her feelings way more than his.  It’s not true that “no one can say or do anything once you have made your choice”, they most certainly can.  Sure no one can force you to invite someone you don’t want there, but they can have their feelings hurt, they can get upset with you, they can say something about it to you, etc.

    Post # 7
    Member
    837 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I didn’t even read it all, I’m not going to lie – but if they are married he gets an invite.  You don’t break up social units (i.e married people, couples living together, engaged couples, and long-term relationships).  Plus she’s in your bridal party…  Generally people give their bridal party a plus one, but that’s a moot point since she’s married to him and he has to be invited.  How would you feel if one of your friends didn’t like your husband and therefore didn’t invite him?

    Post # 8
    Member
    626 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    He’s her husband. Its not your place to say he’s not invited because of what happens behind their closed doors. She wants him there, shes your bridesmaid.. you should just let him come. you’ll have a million more important things to worry about. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    5670 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    While the guy is awful and she shouldn’t be with him, unfortunately we do not get to make the decision about who our friends marry. If you want to continue the friendship with her I think you are going to have to invite her husbands.

    Post # 10
    Member
    13101 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    You really kind of have to invite him because they are married.  Married and engaged couples can’t be split up on invites.  Plus – she’s in your wedding party – they typically are granted a plus one as a gesture of appreciation from you.  And lastly, you said that each and every other invite is getting to bring a SO yet you want to deny one of your best friends that ability??  That makes zero sense to me …

    Post # 11
    Member
    2015 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I had to invite my mom’s boyfriend to our wedding, who’s the most rude, self-absorbed, obnoxious person I know who’s verbally disrespected me and everyone in our family many times, and I barely noticed him at our wedding. There was one exception when he acted up for a minute, but I gave my mom a look, and she took care of it.

    For weddings, spouses are always, always, always invited. No way to get around that.

    Post # 12
    Member
    234 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I totally understand why you don’t want to invite him, and agree it would be better for everyone for him not to come … however.  They are married.  And I’m sure that it’s humiliating enough for your friend to have to put up with all his BS and him acting like he isn’t married without having her friends acting like she isn’t married either.  I’m not trying to be harsh, and it does sound like she’d be better off if she weren’t married to him, but ultimately it’s her life, she’s chosen him, and unless you have a reason to fear for your guests safety (he’s dangerously unstable, prone to fighting when alcohol is around, etc) you really ought to just invite him for your friends sake.  After all, not inviting him will probably hurt her feelings more than his.  What a sad situation all around :/

    Post # 14
    Member
    2271 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    @Loulee: It’s for the best. Like previous posts, your BM wants him there and he is her husband. He may be a royal Ahole but more than likely he will “behave” at your wedding. Maybe witnessing your ceremony might give them the opportunity to think about what they envisioned on their wedding day and what they have become.

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