Post # 1
Getting married in T minus 61 days!!! I’ve gone through the stresses of wedding stuff but have never felt like I’ve needed to post until now. Usually I find answers and relief in reading everyone elses’ posts. Thank goodness other brides to be feel as stressed and sometimes down right crazy about the big day!!!
So…one of my bridesmaids is bringing her girlfriend to my wedding, which is great. The problem is that the gf doesn’t know anyone and my BM wants to bring her with us to the salon for hair and make-up. I said we will be gone 2 hours tops and she can relax while we are away. The next question she has is “what next?” Meaning when we get back to the hotel, can she go be with her gf or can she come along to the room I will be getting ready in. Then, can she come on the Trolley with the bridal party and hang out with them until the recpetion. Is it wrong that I don’t want her to come along? We have a bridal lounge that the BMs will hang out in until I get there and then we will go up when its time for ceremony.
Post # 3
Is the gf coming from out-of-town? I guess I could see why she’d want her there if she traveled a distance. If she’s local…that’s a little strange.
Do any of the other people in the bridal party have dates? Are their dates included in things such as the trolley ride?
If not, I’d just let your bridesmaid know that you want those special activities just with the bridal party and to let her know that the other bridesmaids aren’t bringing their dates either.
Post # 4
I get that she doesnt know anyone but no one else is bringing their dates along. I mean, thats time for you and your BMs. Call me snarky but I dont know how I would feel about that. I feel like she would be just fine without her gf, thats just a little much to me. I would say no…
Post # 5
I donno, for my wedding no dates were there until the church. They were fine without their SO for a couple hours and we figured out how to get them to the ceremony. I don’t think it’s wrong for you not to want her there. It’s a lot of prep and emotions getting ready right before your wedding and I’m glad I had the people I was closest to around, at least for me sometimes I’m more reserved around new people, and definately not how I wanted to feel right before the wedding.
Post # 6
Its not like her GF is going to be stuck hanging out with people she doesn’t know for all that time, right? I don’t see why she can’t spend part of the day alone doing her own thing. Obviously that is not ideal for the GF, but it certainly shouldn’t be a problem…
Post # 7
Unless the girlfriend has some sort of anxiety disorder or other reason why it’s tougher on her to be alone than it is on most people, I think you’d be perfectly reasonable to say bridal party events are for the bridal party only. You don’t want your friend being distracted by her girlfriend when you need her for pictures or help getting into your dress. And you chose your party to have the people closest to you there for support, and you don’t want to feel like you have to be making a good impression on the girlfriend when you’re all excited/stressed/frazzled. There’s nothing wrong with expecting an adult to entertain herself for a few hours before spending the whole reception enjoying herself with her girlfriend/your bridesmaid. Again, this all assumes that there’s no anxiety disorder/recent trauma/other extenuating circumstance that makes being alone for several hours a bigger than expected issue.
Post # 8
All of my maids had their dates/husbands at our pre-wedding stuff. Being that it was out of town for everyone, why leave someone all alone in a strange city? We just kicked them outside when we were changing, then let them back in. Mostly they just hung around out in front of our cottage and talked sports and went back and forth between us and the groomsmen- we gave them things to finish/check on.
Post # 9
I don’t think it is necessary for your BM to bring her gf along everywhere you go before the wedding. I do, however, understand her not knowing anyone. My FI was in his best friends wedding and I only knew the bride and groom they allowed me to come early. I stood off to the side while they got their pictures taken and while they did a few things around the church. I sat next to his other friends parents during the ceremony and for like 5mins at the reception. They invited me to come sit next to FI at head table since another groomsmen brought his date (this was their second date) to sit at the headtable. I felt really awkward doing it but they insisted.
This friend will be in our wedding and I will repay the favor for his wife.
BUT like I said she doesn’t need to tag along while you and your bridesmaids getting ready and do your pre wedding stuff.
Post # 10
I would say a big fat “NO”. If thats the case what if others in your bridal party want to do the same thing then you’ll end up having all your birdesmaid and groomsmand plus there significant others. I would let her know that her GF can go to the ceremony and reception, but not follor you guys and the birdal party. Or the Salon or trolly or anywhere but sitting as her designated seat till you and the bridal party arrive at the reception. If you let her bring her girlfriend it will distract her and fustrate you that she’s not there for you.
Post # 11
its really up to you – like PP said, if its out of town, theres nothing to do, and she knows no body, it might be nice, but then again, ive been to many- a – weddings with SO’s and had to make my own fun for hours when he did his duties as a GM.
its part of being a plus one for someone in the bridal party (part of my arugument for not having plus ones for single folks since they dont usually “know” anyone and if they do hang around its sometimes awkward… etc.)
but its all totally up to you. – what are the other dates doing?
Post # 12
Talking with other BMs, they are leaving their dates to do the pre-wedding stuff. I’m actually pretty disappointed in this Bm as I found out today she is not coming to my shower. SHe didn’t even tell me and it’s in two weeks. She sent an email to the other BMs and one of them is FI’s sister, who told him, who told me. Man! This drama is too much for me. When I called her out on it she said she honestly forgot and booked a vacation for that weekend, and said she warned me that she was a bad bridesmaid! I don’t even know what to think! I’m mostly sad that one of my oldest friends, who I havent asked much from, thinks this is no big deal. Dunno, dunno,