Post # 1
One bridesmaid just emailed saying she doesn’t want to wear a tube top, short dress, which is what I have picked out for all the bridesmaids to wear. I think it’s because she is Muslim and very conservative, but I’m not sure. She didn’t give me a reason. She asked if she could wear this other dress and sent me a link to a dress that totally doesn’t go with the rest of the bridal party. It is long and has straps and I hate it!
I spent days coordinating colors and dresses until I finally decided. I really care how the pictures turn out and I want everything to match. She will be the only one wearing a different dress. What should I do? Should I let her wear it or tell her she can wear a shawl? Or tell her “too bad, you’re wearing it because it’s my wedding?
I’m a little annoyed because even my maid of honor is wearing the same dress as the rest of the bridesmaids. It’s not fair to her either.
What should I do?
Post # 3
I would ask her why she doesn’t want the wear the one you picked out. Then decide what to do. If it is cost; maybe you could offer to pay for half. If it is because she is conservative, maybe let her wear a bolero or have straps put on the dress.
Post # 4
If it’s a matter of feeling uncomfortable in the dress (with her body or her religion), I definitely think you need to consider how you can accomodate your friend.
Talk to her about why she prefers not to wear it, like nori said. Maybe you can compromise by finding a longer or more conservative dress in the same color/fabric (maybe by the same designer)?
Post # 5
i agree with the previous posters, perhaps a bolero would make her feel more comfortable or the option of wearing tights or some type of pants underneath. i don’t think it’s a matter of her wanting to be a hard to please bridesmaid, i just think that she’s trying to be true and respect her religion as well as be a friend and stand up for you in your bridal party. perhaps if you can’t come to an agreement on this, you can make her a reader or something like that?
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club
This is definitely tough, because on one hand if she is uncomfortable with the dress for religious reasons, then I think it would be considerate to make some sort of accommodation for her. But, on the other hand, it is your wedding and you have a vision for what you want. Could she wear a pashmina to cover her shoulders? There are so many fun ways to wrap them. And, perhaps some of your other bridesmaids would want to wear one too. Also, you could give them all pashminas as a bridesmaid gift…it would be a 2 for 1 type of solution!
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
I think you have to accept a different dress for her. She’s not being unreasonable; you know she practices a religion that has different standards of modesty. If you’re really worried about it, help her find a more conservative dress that you both like.
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2010 - Philippe Park
Give her a shawl and call it a day. That way, she’ll match the other girls, but the shawl will still allow her to cover up more.
Post # 9
I agree with the other posts about getting a better idea on why your friend doesn’t want to wear the dress you choise, and then working out something with her from there. A pashmina or straps added would be a quick fix! Good luck!
Post # 10
I agree with the others, she might have a reason for not feeling comfortable in the dress you picked, either body or religion. I’d have a conversation with her and see if there was a way to help her be more comfortable in the dress you picked–with a bolero or wrap or something.
Post # 11
I’m sure your BM has a reason… but you don’t have to agree with her, or to be forced to accept something you don’t want to accept. Just tell her you have picked up that dress because that’s what you like, that you wish she weren’t uncomfortable and that you understand if she wants to bail out of the bridal party and won’t have any hard feelings about it.
Post # 12
I agree. These pictures are yours and will be posted in your house conceivably forever however…if this is a religous matter that is important to acknowledge also. First find out if that’s what it is. If that’s the case…how about you keep in mind her conservative-ness and you select a dress that you both can live with. Shawls and boleros are a great idea if you can get her to agree as well but keep in mind that it’s still going to be “different” because nobody else will have them on. So in that case you have to decided on a compromise. If there’s anything I’ve learned through this whole crazy process is that it’s not MY day. Yes I am getting married and yes I am probably the center of attention however…life goes on after the wedding day and it’s becomes an important day in the lives of all the people you bring into it. Try to look at this as a little touch of unique to your wedding. You’ll find a good compromise i’m sure. “)
Post # 13
You should have a chat with her about why she doesn’t want to wear the dress. If it’s for religious or modesty reasons, then discuss options such as cover ups to add to the dress or wearing opaque tights and close-toed shoes. If she needs to be covered from head to toe, maybe she could find (or have made) a full covering from the same fabirc (or at least the same color) as the other bridesmaids’ dresses.
Post # 14
If she objects to a short, strapless dress for religious reasons, you really have to respect that. Is there any way to get the dress everyone else is wearing floor length and maybe have a coordinating bolero or shawl?