(Closed) Bridesmaid who doesn’t want to help out

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Not everyone wants to help DIY and help out with wedding stuff for someone else. Not everyone gets excited about the little details of other people’s weddings, even if they’re in them. Your other girls seem enthusiastic about helping out; I don’t really see why you felt it necessary to kick out the one girl who didn’t.

Post # 4
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yeah, sorry, I don’t agree that you should have kicked her out.

By asking someone to by your bridesmaid, I believe that all they are techincally agreeing to do is buy the dress and show up at the wedding. Other things they should do as your friend, but it’s not fair to kick them out for not…unless you are ok with also losing their friendship. :-/

(no one likes to be kicked out…unless they were already thinking they aren’t really your friend.)

Post # 6
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I disagree with the other bees… Sounds like you were perfectly justified in kicking her out.  Seems to me that’s what she wanted and was passively aggressively trying to get you to do so.  It’s your day, and it’s about you.  You should have who you want up there.

Post # 7
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It sounds like she didn’t really care to be in the wedding…so I say no harm no foul. It doesn’t sound like she’s hurt that she was “kicked out”.

My two matron of honors are the only ones who’ve helped me AT ALL…and they live 9 hours away!! I have 2 others in town and they haven’t touched anything. I asked one to come over and help me last Saturday, we went to lunch first and then when we got to my house she said she was gonna go home and take a nap bc she was tired. I realize not everyone wants to help but don’t say you will then not! Oh but she loves everything I’m doing and says she’s going to “hire” me to do all that stuff for her wedding…

Post # 8
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If you guys weren’t close friends I don’t think it was fair to her to ask her to be a bridesmaid, then expect her to shell out a bunch of time she doesn’t seem to have, and then kick her out for not having time. I know your wedding is an important day to you, but sorry to say everyone around you doesn’t stop their lives for it. As a person who is making everything herself for my wedding I am doing just that: making it all myself. Mainly because it was me who decided I wanted these things this way, not them. If they offer help then i will gladly accept but I wont punish someone for not having time.

Post # 9
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Some people just can’t handle doing a lot of extra things. I don’t know her situation, but it seems like it’s really hard for her to do anything besides work/school or whatever she is doing. It sucks, and I would be sad too if I were in your position. Especially if the rest of the bridal party was so enthusiatic about helping. If it were a one time thing, I wouldn’t worry about it, but since she can’t ever do anything AND she said she “never would have been in” the wedding… well I guess that’s your answer as to why she’s not in it anymore. If it’s such a burden to her, then you don’t want that kind of person dedicated to helping you out (and standing next to you) on your wedding day. I’m not saying she’s a bad person, because I understand that some people are busy, but she can’t blame you for letting her go, since she said it herself!

Post # 10
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

*Sigh* I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, bridesmaids are not slaves. These girls do not have to be at your beck and call until the conclusion of your reception. Their job is to show up and look pretty (and lend an ear when you’re having a bridal meltdown). People are busy and have lives outside of our weddings and we, as brides, need to remember that.

I know that a lot of people have different views as to what a bridesmaid/MOH role should entail (do a search, there was a thread on this yesterday). I personally feel that buying their dress/shoes and showing up is really all that they are signing up for but others apparently feel differently. I have a TON of stuff left to deal with for our wedding but I haven’t asked my bridesmaids to lift a finger because it’s not their wedding, it’s mine. It’s only important to me that things looks a certain way and run smoothly so if I want these things done, I have to do them myself.

I agree that it’s sucky that your ex bridesmaid wasn’t available to hang out but imo, that was absolutely no reason to kick her to the curb. Do you plan to continue to have a relationship with her after your wedding? I know everyone’s different but if I was booted from a “friends” wedding, I probably wouldn’t want much to do with that person afterwards. I hope her busy schedule and lack of ambition to do you a “favor” was worth losing a friend over.

ETA:  Saw your PP. Guess you can disregard my last paragraph then.  

Post # 11
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

right now I would just be glad if my bridesmaids would just show up with the right dress, right shoes and right hair style. And that even seems like too much to ask.

The only time you can expect bridesmaids to do anything is the day of the wedding or the day before.

Post # 12
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You gotta take it for what it’s worth. I have 2 bridesmaid and 1 best woman and only one bridesmaid lives in town so she’s basically stuck doing everything I could ever need help with. I really do feel bad for her. Also, my Best Woman isn’t really into the whole girly-wedding-love-tradition thing but I know that she truley loves me and my fiance and supports us emotionally 110% but details aren’t her forte. I know it’s not personal. I think that if you understand she loves and cares about you that it’s nothing personal that she’s not super hands-on, that’s not everyone style.

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