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Wow! So...she basically forced her way into your wedding party? That's not okay!!
From what it sounds like, you need to have a serious talk with this girl about the fact that this is YOUR wedding, not hers.
I second the serious talk - then give her an ultimatum...
she seems more harm then help at this point.
It's a bit of a confusing situation. We you planning on having her as a BM? From your post, it sounds like you aren't even really friends??
I think you should explain to her that you aren't interested in changing the color of your dresses and that you don't appreciate her being rude to your mother and other BMs. I would offer her a chance to step down and tell her that it seems like being a BM has been stressful for her and that you would understand completely if she wanted to back out.
If the problems continue, I would drop her, to be honest. As long as you understand that it will probably ruin the friendship.
Darn. Too bad you didn't talk to her before you wrote her name down, huh? :( You should sit her down and tell her how happy you are that she wants to be so involved, but that you've got it covered and you'll let her know what you need from her and when. And if she doesn't order the right dress and in the right color, then she'll be de facto out.
Omgoodness I can't believe that!! This is your wedding and your special day...you should tell her to hit the road and enjoy the rest of your planning without the crazy one!! And family comes before friends (in most cases) so when someone treats family members like that...thats a big sign!
Good luck with it all and do whats best for YOU!
That's ridiculous! You def. need a heart to heart and tell her to either suck it up or hit the road.
How about, invite her to watch Bride Wars and you can fast forward right to the parts where Anne Hathaways co-worker becomes her MOH from hell... just play the part of the movie where she tells her off ;-)
Thanks to all of you! This made me laugh and there was some good advice and reconformation of my thoughts.
She's gotta go! If she was actually a dear friend, I would advise you to talk to her and just kinda deal with the situation, but this girl has no business taking over your planning like this and causing you stress.
It sounds imho as she's an attention seeker plain and simple. I would have a talk with her, tell her your concerns and if she cannot just step back and let you design YOUR wedding, then she will have to step down as she's causing you stress.
Just because you know alot about weddings doesn't mean that you should invite her to be a bm. But..you did and along came her with her drama.
Have that talk. Don't let her cry her way thru it either. But be delicate and kind b/c unfortunately she is the double whammy...a COWORKER. You have to deal with her at your place of employment.
It sounds like you need to talk to her to let her know that you appreciate her trying to help out with the planning, but you will not be changing your colours because you have already made a decision, and you WILL NOT accept rude treatment of people you love and care about. If it becomes another crying jag I would offer her the option to step down if being a BM is too stressful.
Wow! That's really rude! I agree with the other on their opinions of what to say. I would tell her it's your wedding, and if you really don't want her to be part of it, I would tell her that you don't want her in the party-but that's only if you really don't want her to.
I would definitely politely put her out of the wedding party...and maybe even as a guest. No matter how much she cries, or threatens to start trouble for you at work...your wedding is not a situation where you should just "grin and bear it". No short-term, almost friend is worth that kind of trouble.
Yikes!
I agree with eveyone else that the sooner Miss Drama is out of the wedding party, the better.
As to what you should say, I would suggest (counterintuitive as this may seem) that you make everything about her - but in the nicest possible way. It may be bending the truth a bit, but hopefully it will keep her from flying too far off the handle.
Something like, "I'm so happy that you want to help and be involved, but it seems like this process is really stressful for you and not much fun. It's important to me that you enjoy yourself at the wedding and not feel overburdened and taxed. It would be great if you could help with [X, Y and Z - specific tasks], but please don't feel as though you have to make yourself miserable on my account."
The key is to be as particular as possible when outlining X, Y and Z so that you don't have to include her in everything.
If she's really just a nasty person, odds are she'll quit in a huff over some minor, perceived slight and then the problem will be solved for you.
Wow, this woman wasn't even supposed to be a BM, and now she is and is acting like a nightmare and taking over the wedding on top of it all? Girl, this sounds like something straight out of a movie!! 
Makes it so much harder that she's a co-worker, and you'll have to see and work with her no matter what you decide to do. Yikes. She's really gotta go though. I hate confrontation too, so I know it's so much easier for us to tell you than for you to do though. boooooooo on this whole situation!
... yikes! Have a sit down with her and tell her that while you appreciate her trying to help, enough is enough and you don't require her "help" any longer. She'll probably cry and sob and beg you to let her be a BM, she'll probably even make concessions and plea bargain, but at this point you're just going to have to stonewall and simply tell her that you no longer think it's a good idea for her to be involved with the wedding- this includes being a guest because she sounds like she would start something as a scorned bridesmaid from h***. There is absolutely no excuse for a grown woman to act this way!
tell her "I'm sorry you don't have the money for a dress right now. Instead of being a BM, would you just be my attendant?" then she can still be a part of the wedding, but won't be standing up with you.. and she can take care of all the little extra stuff you need done on your big day.
@OP: Hey, what ended up happening between you and Drama Queen?
The most important thing is your comfort. You have to remember, especially with the bridal party, that they have to respect your feelings on everything. They shouldn't be causing drama, they shouldn't be acting like a bridesmaidzilla. They should be encouraging you, supporting you. If they wanted a certain style, and as long as they kept the color that you chose, I can see that. It is a popular trend right now. But for her to just straight up tell you that she is ordering this dress in a color SHE wants, that is a load of BS. You need to sit down and have a talk with her, and if that doesn't work, then don't have her stand up with you. You have other friends, more deserving friends, to stand up with you on your amazing day.
She is not family, she is not even really a friend. Put your priorities first and say it point and blank to her that you don't want her as a part of your wedding, or even attending your wedding. If you don't do this than she will make your entire wedding memory seem like a nightmare.
What's more important, this girl or your wedding?
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I need some help. I am getting married in March and when I got engaged in April I had a co-worker looking through my wedding planner. Her name was in there on a list of people to help serve cake and punch etc. Well she goes and tell all of my co-workers she is a bridemaid and I had asked her (when I didn't) well I am pretty new at this job and I didn't want to cause drama, she was a nice girl and knows alot about weddings. Well time went by and she is making my life HELL!!!! My two sisters are MOH's and she pushed one of them out of the dressing room behind me and snapped in my mom's face and was so rude. She has started nothing but drama but I am not confrontational but this is my last nerve. We went sat to pick out bridesmaid dresses and she cried the whole time. She was upset because the dress was a size 22 and she had to pay extra. Then on top of all of it and the scene she made she didn't have the money to put the deposit down on the dress!!! So I am waiting 4 days to order them but do not want to rush alterations and such. Now she keeps bugging me to change my dress color telling me what I want and that she is ordering her dress in that color!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She even ordered me swatches of the colors she thought I should use!! Help me please! I am not used to this! All of my friends growing up were guys and I can't handle another crying scene!