Weddingbee boards

She's probably jealous.  I have a couple of friends (not BMS thank goodness) not are complaining  about every detail of MY wedding.  The venue sucks, our colors are tacky, etc.  My perspective is that they have very different ideas for their own weddings (and when they find some gullible sap who will marry them I am sure those dreams will come true).  In the meantime, stop sharing every detail with her.  I am sure you are super excited and want to involve the worls, but going forward, only invite poeple with positive energy.

FYI, I would probably stop changing details to appease her.  She is clearly going to complain about everything, no matter what.  When you hear comments she has made from others, dont let it get under your skin.  Just remember that it is your wedding, everyone is going to have unsolicited opinions and advice, and she's just makeing herself look like a selfish, jealous, bi-otch.

Sorry to hear you are going through this.  One of my closest friends was one of my BMs and she was demanding and obnoxious throughout the whole process...from demanding that I provide her with a place to stay for free, to chauffering her around for the whole time she was in town, and demanding a full bouquet because corsages are just so "prom-y" and she didn't understand why it was a big deal that getting bouquets would have cost hundreds of dollars extra because I could have just picked cheaper flowers.  I didn't even pick her dress, make her get her hair or makeup done, or tell her what accessories to wear and she still couldn't stop complaining about how expensive everything was.  By the end of it, I was ready to smack her!  And quite honestly, there are days where I am still annoyed when I think back to that behavior.  I wish I had spoken up back then but I honestly didn't think I could do it without losing it.  If you can find a way to approach her calmly and respectfully and maybe even gently give her an out, that might be the best for your sanity!  I might suggest something along the lines of "It seems that the wedding has imposed a lot of things on you that you're not comfortable with or financially able to cover.  I certainly don't want the wedding to put you in that position so if there's anything you'd like to talk about or if you would prefer to be a guest to remove some of the burden, that would be totally okay with me."

Good luck!

I'd probably stop sharing the details with her.  Has she always been a really negative person and/or does she have some issues in her own life going on right now?  If you're more interested in just keeping the peace and getting through this, I think the best thing you can do is stop telling her about your various choices - and if she asks just say, "This best reflects us as a couple, and that's what matters." 

You'd be the best judge of whether or not it's worth sitting down and talking with her.  Some people are just difficult to deal with and there may not be any easy solution. When I first got engaged I asked an old old friend of mine to be a BM bc we had promised each other long ago that we'd be in each others weddings.  So I honored it and immediately wished I hadn't -- dealing with her more often made me realize all the reasons why we weren't close anymore.  One day she blew up at me over something random and not wedding-related and I decided the best thing I could do was wait a week and then just tell her how I felt about it and tried to give her an out with the whole thing.  I assumed she wouldnt' take it well no matter how hard I tried, and of course she didn't.  I was stuck either way - an uncooperative BM who I didn't feel close to, or pissing off a friend.  Sometimes there's just not an easy way to do things.  Even though I wish I hadn't caved into nostalgia and offered her a BM spot in the first place, I'm SO GLAD we had our fight bc it really made me realize what kind of person she was and that it wasn't best for us to pretend we were better friends than we were.  

I've gone through a very similar situation...for the last 7 months I let a bridesmaidzilla walk all over me, complain, make negative criticisms, change the way i wanted my wedding to be, and generally just made me feel like crap about my OWN wedding.

We've been friends for like 10 years, but haven't really been as close the past few years or so. She got pregnant after high school, got married (I was a BM in her wedding) and is now a divorced single mother. I moved away, went to college, am doing the whole career thing, and marrying a great guy. Anyway, we've def. grown apart over the years and we just really don't have much in common anymore.

I basically asked her because I felt obligated to- I was a BM in her wedding and we've been friends for so long so....there it was.

Anyway over the last 7 months I've really tried to just turn the other cheek and not let her behavior get to me. But recently (like, last week) things kinda changed...needless to say a pretty big argument happened and she was completely defensive about any and everything she has done and said, pointed fingers and blamed me for everything you can think of, and was generally very high school drama'ish about it.

I finally decided that 'sticking it out' for a friendship that was dead anyway just isn't worth it to me. I'm tired of stressing over her behavior and being disrespected and treated like crap basically.

I told her last night I didn't want her in the wedding party anymore (in a very mature way explaining everything) and of course her response was the same diva/high school drama tune from before...it sucks it had to end this way but, as a friend of mine told me recently:

"Trim the fat, or tell the fat the shut the hell up!"