- 9 years ago
I am having some major problems with a bridesmaid and I need some honest feedback about what I should do. *sorry this is long!*
Background: I have known her for ~6 years and we have been friends for 3 years. We are best friends but I also have some other girls that are my best friends and that I have known longer who are also bridesmaids. We have some of the same friends but I am a year older than her and have some other college friends that she knows, but isn’t "friends" with. (friendly but not going to coffee together type friends) I love all my girlfriends and would never think to classify one person only as my best friend above any of the others.
Anyways, ever since I got engaged last summer all I have heard from her was complaining about one thing or the other. It started with me showing her pictures of places we were thinking about having the ceremony/reception. I would email them to her (we live an hour apart) and she would say things like "oh that looks trashy" or "that carpet is hideous." I took these things with a grain of salt and just said "it’s her being her" and moved on.
Then came time to looking for wedding dresses. She came with me, my mom and J, another "best" friend/bridesmaid (they get along just fine, but neither really like the other). I found 2 dresses that I loved and was trying to decide. She would be out and see my friends and make comments like "oh I hope she doesn’t pick the doily dress that J likes. It’s so ugly. The one I like is so much better." (she called it a doily cause it had a lace overlay) Then, when I did pick my dress (just so happened to be the one she liked) and she came with me and my parents to get it and kept telling everyone that I only asked her to come and that I was getting the dress she liked. This was not true as my other girlfriends were 1. out of town 2. coaching at a competition 3. sick. Again, I said nothing about this as I didn’t really care and my other girlfriends knew full well what the truth was.
Bridesmaid dresses: I showed all the girls a couple of different dress options that I loved. She complained non-stop that I only picked out expensive ones and that I was being selfish doing that. They were $150 and totally wearable again, plus they could pick their own style. So I compormised and got cheeper ones (that I absolutly love) and helped pay for them. Not only did she not give me enough money for the dress, when she got it she text me and said "mine has pockets…ew!" (which was in the description and she picked it) and then "i feel like I am wearing a paper thin tissue that will blow away". We’re getting married on the beach in July. It will be hot.
She has also made lots of comments to my friends and me about where the wedding is, how much it is costing her (travel-$50, hotel-$100, hair/nails-free, shower-not coming, and bach. party-? but not much since we are going to the beach and dinner) and anything else under the sun. My sister and another BM who live where I do are planning the bach. party and she will not stop telling them how awful their ideas are. She also asked 3 people to come with her to the wedding. Yes, 3! I do not know these people and we have a limited amount of space and are already close to reaching our limit. I talked to her about this and she got really mad and yelled at me about how selfish I was being in not letting her "your bestest friend and your bridesmaid" bring these people. I told her she could bring a date if she wanted and it could be a girl, but 3 people was not ok. She was like "fine, whatever you say bridezilla."
And honestly, I know of at least 3 more unreasonable things she has complained about to me and/or other BMs that I don’t want to get into (think: order the BMs will stand in).
When I say this, please understand that I am not trying to say I am perfect or anything, but I have been nothing close to a bridezilla in this whole process. I have been very inclusive and sensitive to what other people want, especially my FI and our families. I have not been stressed or demanding or going off about any crazy details. She is the one stressor in this whole process and basically, I am sick of it. My fiance is sick of her doing and saying these things and seeing how upsetting they are to me. My other girlfriends have told me that they feel like she is so controlling and puts me and them down to make herself look good.
I am done with this! I don’t even want to talk to her about it and try to make things right just to get through the wedding. I don’t want to be friends with someone who puts me and my other friends down. I don’t want her at the wedding complaining about everything under the sun! I just don’t know what to do anymore and it is gotten to be so much I lay awake at night thinking about it.
Any advice you have is appreciated! Thanks so much girls!