Post # 1
Okay help me out here bee’s…. I am NOT at all bridezilla I swear! I got engaged to my lovely fiance in June 2013, we began planning that fall and are getting married on August 2, 2014… 25 days YAY! Of course its crucial to have the right bridal party by your side, and I asked all my girls if they could afford to be a part of the big day. I know that for some people the dress, shoes, appointments, etc etc can be too much. Everyone comitted and so far its been so good…. until last week. Bridesmaid #3 has NOT picked up her dress. We live in a small rural community and the dress is in the city about 2 hours awy, she is in the city every second week visiting her family but she can’t pick it up and pay the remaing $85 balance? It has been there since January! I am freaking out.
I confronted her about it today, in a nice way of course I just told her I was concerned because there will most likely not be time for the alterations we already know she requires. The real kicker? Her and her man just decided that they will have a destination wedding… 12 days after mine. So my fiance and I bought tickets, paid for a trip, the dress the whole nine yards and BM #3 can’t even do this one thing for me…. what do I do? Say? I feel terrible being so frustrated but aside from that my feelings are deeply hurt. I feel that I value our friendship more than she does…. am I being unreasonable?
Post # 2
candice7_3: This is one of those “don’t borrow trouble” situations.
If she has the dress on your wedding day, she is a bridesmaid. If she doesn’t, she isn’t.
It is thoughtless of her to put you through this stress, but her mind is likely on her own wedding right now.
Post # 3
candice7_3: You confronted her today, and then what? How did she respond? Did she give you some kind of reasonable explanation as to why she hasn’t picked it up?
Post # 4
candice7_3: Let it be. Because this is just added stress you dont need. At 2 weeks out, give her a gentle reminder and then pray for the best. If you truly want her to be in it and money is the issue, pay the $85 for your piece of mind. And if over the next couple weeks this turns ugly, go on you vacation, go to her wedding and enjoy it. It doesnt have to be a your wedding/my wedding you did/so i did situation. Hope everything works out!
Post # 5
Happy2bMrs: She didn’t honestly give me a reasonable explanation. The only thing she said is that she wishes she hadn’t planned her wedding so close because she feels she can’t enjoy it. I understand that and I feel for her… but I can not help that. Because she has been so busy with her own plans my Maid/Matron of Honor, other Bridesmaid or Best Man, and Future Mother-In-Law have planned the shower, bachelorette etc so she has basically been let of the hook, her only job was to buy her dress and shoes. That have been sitting in the city awaiting pick up for months. (TBH I have planned the entire wedding for her with her instruction of course, since right now she has a really busy work schedule and I didn’t mind one bit!) Aside from that she didn’t respond, turned it into her wedding, and her this and her that. The point I was trying to make was how would she feel since we are only a bit over a month away from her day, if I had not taken the initiative to purchase flights, make accomodation arrangements, bought my outfit etc. But she doesnt seem to understand.
Post # 6
mrsaxachef: I love my friend very much, but I am not comfortable lending her the cash or paying for it myself because I have loaned her funds in the past and it took her 2 years to reimburse me. I know $85 isn’t a lot but the groom and I are footing the bill for almost our entire wedding and have already purchased and made the travel arrangements for their wedding (not complaining) I am just not in the situation to be using my personal money in that way, not to mention I will not be going to the city before the occasion either!
Post # 7
like pp said, if she goes and picks up her dress in the next 25 days, then she will be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. If she’s too busy with her work and wedding plans, then you have 1 less Bridesmaid or Best Man. You didnt pay for the dress, so you arent any money or a deposit.. and there are more things you should worry about that you can actually control, 25 days before the wedding.
You reminded her today, that its there- so not much more to worry about. If she has time to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and stand with you, she will go pick up the dress in the coming weeks. If it’s tight or she has to pay more for alterations to have them rushed- thats on her, not you.
Post # 8
We had a groomsman who told us he had no money to pick up his tux 6 days before the wedding. He then told us he never arranged any transportation to get from Atlanta to NJ exactly 3 days before. Guess what? He wasn’t in the wedding. I didn’t care, my husband didn’t care, and (obviously) the groomsman didn’t care. We speak to him now and there’s no hard feelings. My point is your wedding will go on with or without her.
Post # 9
If you want her in the wedding then suck it up and pay for the dress. If you don’t care if she’s in the wedding, then let her make the decision to be in it by leaving it in her hands.
Post # 10
No way should you pay for her dress when you’re paying for their Destination Wedding. Her poor planning is not your fault. If she wants to be in the wedding she will get her dress. Sounds like she is resentful of your wedding which again, is not your fault. I would let her sort it out and if she doesn’t come through then you know where you stand.
Post # 11
sounds like she is putting off the 4 hour round trip to pick it up…probably because thats half a day she wants to use planning her wedding. its annoying she is waiting until the last minute and worrying you but can the store ship it to her if she would like? maybe then she would get it done with and finish the payment over the phone which takes 5 minutes.
Post # 12
candice7_3: So frustrating…especially since you have been such a huge help to her for her wedding! As other posters have said, don’t count on her being there for your wedding and try not to stress about it. If she shows up, great. If not, enjoy your day anyway. However…I would reconsider how much assistance you’re providing for her wedding when she has not been much help (or concerned at all) about yours.
Post # 13
That is very frustrating. I might offer to go with her and maybe go out for lunch after (try to make it seem fun and a stress reliever). Even though she is really at fault here, it might just be easier to be the better person and see first hand that it is being done. If you can’t get her to do that then she just can’t be a bridesmaid.
Post # 14
candice7_3: I picked up the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses for my girls. I thought they had all paid but one still had a balance due. I paid the balance and thought, “If I get paid back, great. If not, not a big deal either.” It is way more important that my friend be in my wedding than to worry about the $80 I had to pay to get the dress out of hock and sent to her.
I like what a PP said, if she has the dress, she’s in the wedding. If not, she can root from the sidelines.