Bridesmaid won't pick up her dress… wedding is in 25 days!!

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
42157 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

candice7_3:  This is one of those “don’t borrow trouble” situations.

If she has the dress on your wedding day, she is a bridesmaid. If she doesn’t, she isn’t.

It is thoughtless of her to put you through this stress, but her mind is likely on her own wedding right now.

Post # 3
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

candice7_3:  You confronted her today, and then what?  How did she respond?  Did she give you some kind of reasonable explanation as to why she hasn’t picked it up?

Post # 4
339 posts
Helper bee

candice7_3:  Let it be. Because this is just added stress you dont need. At 2 weeks out, give her a gentle reminder and then pray for the best. If you truly want her to be in it and money is the issue, pay the $85 for your piece of mind. And if over the next couple weeks this turns ugly, go on you vacation, go to her wedding and enjoy it. It doesnt have to be a your wedding/my wedding you did/so i did situation. Hope everything works out!

Post # 7
47 posts

like pp said, if she goes and picks up her dress in the next 25 days, then she will be a BM. If she’s too busy with her work and wedding plans, then you have 1 less BM. You didnt pay for the dress, so you arent any money or a deposit.. and there are more things you should worry about that you can actually control, 25 days before the wedding.


You reminded her today, that its there- so not much more to worry about. If she has time to be a BM and stand with you, she will go pick up the dress in the coming weeks. If it’s tight or she has to pay more for alterations to have them rushed- thats on her, not you.

Post # 8
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

We had a groomsman who told us he had no money to pick up his tux 6 days before the wedding. He then told us he never arranged any transportation to get from Atlanta to NJ exactly 3 days before. Guess what? He wasn’t in the wedding. I didn’t care, my husband didn’t care, and (obviously) the groomsman didn’t care. We speak to him now and there’s no hard feelings. My point is your wedding will go on with or without her.

Post # 9
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

If you want her in the wedding then suck it up and pay for the dress.  If you don’t care if she’s in the wedding, then let her make the decision to be in it by leaving it in her hands. 

Post # 10
858 posts
Busy bee

No way should you pay for her dress when you’re paying for their DW. Her poor planning is not your fault. If she wants to be in the wedding she will get her dress. Sounds like she is resentful of your wedding which again, is not your fault. I would let her sort it out and if she doesn’t come through then you know where you stand. 

Post # 11
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

sounds like she is putting off the 4 hour round trip to pick it up…probably because thats half a day she wants to use planning her wedding. its annoying she is waiting until the last minute and worrying you but can the store ship it to her if she would like? maybe then she would get it done with and finish the payment over the phone which takes 5 minutes.

Post # 12
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

candice7_3:  So frustrating…especially since you have been such a huge help to her for her wedding! As other posters have said, don’t count on her being there for your wedding and try not to stress about it.  If she shows up, great.  If not, enjoy your day anyway.  However…I would reconsider how much assistance you’re providing for her wedding when she has not been much help (or concerned at all) about yours.

Post # 13
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

That is very frustrating.   I might offer to go with her and maybe go out for lunch after (try to make it seem fun and a stress reliever).  Even though she is really at fault here, it might just be easier to be the better person and see first hand that it is being done.  If you can’t get her to do that then she just can’t be a bridesmaid.  

Post # 14
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

candice7_3:  I picked up the BM dresses for my girls. I thought they had all paid but one still had a balance due. I paid the balance and thought, “If I get paid back, great. If not, not a big deal either.” It is way more important that my friend be in my wedding than to worry about the $80 I had to pay to get the dress out of hock and sent to her.

I like what a PP said, if she has the dress, she’s in the wedding. If not, she can root from the sidelines.

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