(Closed) Bridesmaid-zilla (long, sorry)

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

Normally, with advice on bridesmaids, I usually say “it’s not you, just talk to them and see what’s going on with their lives, and 95% of the time they are having issues that have nothing to do with you or your wedding”. Unfortunately, I think you are in that slim 5% where it sounds like she DOES have issues related to you and your wedding. Has she ever expressed disapproval of you? Did she act differently before you and FI got engaged?

If you decide to keep her as a BM, in order to make things work, you’ll have to set your expectations and be very clear on what you need her to do. I would maybe have a conversation, first ask if everything is okay, and then let her know that you need her support. For example, if you suggest a dress and she doesn’t like it, then she should send you a few more options of dresses she DOES like! Let her know that her opinion is valued, and usually 3 heads is better than 1. As her for inspiration and ideas.

I would NOT un-ask her to be a bridesmaid, however. I think that would create a huge rift in the family and add more problems to your life. Because your wedding is a day, but family is forever. You might need to sit her down, have a heart-to-heart and let her know that her negative comments and inability to talk about your wedding hurt your feelings. She can’t disagree with you if you are simply telling her how you feel; your feelings are your feelings. Hopefully you can work it out, and please know you are NOT the only one with BM issues!! Most of us (myself included) have been through it, and most girls don’t realize how they are acting until you point it out to them. Good luck, and hopefully it works out!! 🙂

Post # 4
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would talk to her about the issues I am having with her and basically let her know if she continues her behavior she is out of the wedding party because it is not fair the way she is acting. I am not one to let people get away with crap like that.

Post # 5
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

If you think it will be helpful to talk with her, you should try to at least smooth things a little.  I agree with @alundberg, though, that this sounds like one of those situations where talking with her might not work and might actually make things worse.

I don’t really have any advice other than to suggest that you shouldn’t let her ruin your wedding.  Don’t give her that much power.  She is being a jerk now, as she has been in the past.  That won’t change regardless of whether she is a bridesmaid or whether you talk with her about her behavior.  

Go ahead an plan your wedding.  Use your other bridesmaids to help you.  Perhaps they can even run interference between you and SIL!

So sorry you have to deal with this.  Crappy people are tough in general, and it’s so much worse when it’s family.  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Don’t let her ruin your day! My stepsister and stepmom had a real case of “this day is not about me?” on my wedding day. Reason #473.9 why she wasn’t a bridesmaid! I got really mad, but my bridesmaids & wedding coordinator rocked the house and kept me away from them.

Post # 7
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with the first poster completely. Just sit down and talk to her, and if she doesn’t want to be a part of things, she doesn’t have to. Then it would stop making you miserable and you can move on, and she can too. Your day can still be great, you just have to decide whether or not she is going to be included in all of the festivities. I wouldn’t uninvite her as a bridesmaid, but that really is a spot that you have to earn, in my opinion.

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