(Closed) Bridesmaid/Dress Dilemma

posted 5 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You may want answers, but you also might not like them.

If the bridesmaid has a beef with the MOH, and has had it for 5 years, being in a BP together isn’t going to solve the problem.  I don’t know what happened between them but it was relationship-changing, and it sounds like she just isn’t comfortable communicating with the MOH, which is why she told you she couldn’t go away.

It is not your place to judge her spending habits.  How do you know she spent $300 on the boots?  Did she tell you?  Even if she did, to me, new footwear trumps weekend away, especially since it’s with someone she doesn’t feel comfortable with.

I suppose since it’s your wedding, you can do what you want and kick her out, but no matter how nicely you or your FI phrase it, you’re going look bad.  Kicking someone out of a wedding is a friendship-ending move, and replacing them is even worse.  It shows them a) they’re not important and b) they’re replaceable.

Post # 4
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

if she’s making a scene about everything, that’s not ok. she’s an adult and needs to stop acting like a brat and honestly, if she can afford $300 boots then she can most likely afford a getaway for $100. if she doesn’t want to go because she doesn’t want to be around your MOH then she needs to be honest with you about that instead of lying about it being a financial thing. lying is just making you angry at her. be warned though, that it probably will end your friendship with her if you kick her out so that’s something you should think about before doing it. it seems like you tried talking to her and she’s not getting it but maybe sit her down and have a face to face conversation about why she’s pissing you off.

Post # 5
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@althomas188:  I have several health issues that are made worse by stress too, and I completely understand issues with bridesmaids.

While you probably will have several people make you seem like the “bad guy”…its YOUR wedding. If they can’t put something that happened in high school half a decade ago behind them for a few months to focus on a friend, they are not worth having in your wedding. Your not asking them to be best friends, you just want it to be civil for a bit. Thats not an unreasonable request.

I kicked two bridesmaids out of my party. I considered them best friends until I got engaged…they left me nasty text messages and constantly wrote things all over facebook about what a bitch I was and how my marriage is going to fail. It sucks and plenty of people have sided with them saying Im awful, but they were making planning the wedding miserable. Every time I turned around one of them freaked out on me, or would not even bother to discuss bridesmaid details…

It is true that this will most likely end your friendship with her. I lost both of my friendships. But honestly, what true friend would try to make the wedding plan process this miserable for you? And honestly, is your health worth all the stress this is causing?

Best of luck!

Post # 6
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t completely agree with others who are saying that it is her decision what she spends her money on. Of course it is ultimately HER decision if she spends $300 on boots rather than a weekend getaway, but she is lying to you about her reasons for not attending these get togethers. She should just be upfront in saying that she doesn’t want to be around your MOH. I really don’t see how having a lunch with the group would be any different than her being a memeber of the group on your wedding day. How will she act then? It’s not like you are locking her in a broom closet with your MOH. You don’t know if she will act out during group photos, or refuse to be in them, or act out in a way that upsets you on your wedding day! I think you did the right thing by telling her she can’t be in the wedding. Honestly, $120 isn’t THAT much for a bridesmaid dress. When I was in my sister’s wedding it was about $250 for a really cheap looking dress that I definitely wouldn’t wear again, but you just suck it up because you agreed to be a part of the wedding, and with that comes some expenses. 

 

I think the main issue really is the lying. You shouldn’t have to be worrying over all of this drama when 1) you have your wedding to plan and 2) you have an illness that acts up when you are stressed. Her lying to you should raise a huge red flag over your entire friendship with her. You should only want REAL friends in your wedding afterall! Plus, you know it is obviously crap when she says she won’t feel awkward around MOH. What, is she avoiding these situations just to make MOH feel more comfortable? If MOH was truly uncomfortable with the situation then BM wouldn’t have been invited to the getaway! 

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