- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
hi bees.my first post.also my first time telling anyone about my family because i am a shamed,and i feel guilty for just saying that,but i need to get it out as i been holding in my hurt and anger for years.it may be long,im sorry.
ok,im 41 and getting married for the first time with the man and father of my children of 20 years.
my family use to be normal up until a few years ago until pill popping became something that took over people lives.in the last few years my big family became a small one from all the deaths of drug use or alcohol.a couple family members strightend up and stop the drugs thankfully.
in febuary my cousin(my bridesmaid been clean almost 6 or 7 years)i couldnt understand why she was not returing my calls/texts or have asked if i needed any help,she usually does.well im hearing from other family members she on pills and coke.
when we went to try on and pick out my dress and the bridesmaid dresses in i put my daughters(moh)dress on the counter to put down a payment for it along with my dress,my cousin said no,she will come back saturday(3 or 4 days later)and pay for her dress and my daughters because she wants to as a wedding gift for me,of course i said no,but she would take no for an answer.ive been trying to contact her for a month now,she will not call me back,however i am not trying anymore,im mad when i need her she is no were to be found and she is once again putting herself before her family
a couple weeks ago another one of my bridesmaid went to go get her dress,well they are no more in my color and only 2 dresses of that kind left.
well the dress shop will take 2 months or longer for the dresses to come in in their size and the color,well my cousin yet to order hers or my daughters and will not return any calls ect,so last week my daughter and i went back to pick up her dress,thank goodness they had the dress and color in for my daughter.they do not have anymore in our color so my cuz will have to order hers,now time is ticking and even if she went now,its not gaureentee she will get her dress on time.i cant belive she just couldnt let me know anything so i could at least know i had to get my daughter dress.i wouldnt have known the dress situation if a bridesmaid didnt go to get hers.
my 19 year old nephew is a groomsmen,last weekend he didnt show up with the rest of the guys to get sized for his tux.when i text him,he said no one told him,which is not true,he knew,but he ignored it.
well i find out he just got out of detox a day or 2 before the day guys were trying,getting sized for tuxs,so he still could have been there,he choose not to.he still has sometime to get sized so im not stressing about that,but i just found out today he out there on herion or whatever.
it hurts because i helped my parents rasie him,he is almost like one of my children and now im loosing him to drugs.it kills me knowing he is choosing this path after seeing what this stuff has done and is still doing to our family.
i feel hurt,im pissed to,and im the one who has been their to pick up the pieces for the family over the years,but im emotionally and mentally burnt out over it.
just a few weeks ago my nephew was so excited saying he was going to be the flyest groomsman ever lol.now im worried if he will even be around come my wedding(quite a few family member have overdosed)and if he is he probly be to out their to even be a groomsmen.
idk my feelings are all over the place,because for once in the past few years something is happing to me(wedding)that is happy(well suppose to be)and its all getting taken away because of their drug use.
my dad is very upset over it because he took my nephew in,got him a car and he was doing great for a few months,and now my nephew up and left,out their on drugs(my dad took the car back)
so our family is not getting along,out their on drugs and im sad,i cant seem to be happy,i dont even care about planning anymore,how could i when my nephew is out there hurting himself,yet there is nothing i can do to help him,he is ignoring me,i dont know were he is.he knows im upset with him over this,but i want to tell him i love him and want him to get better before it to late.
the last 2 people(my cuz,7 or 8 years ago)our last time seeing each other before he got sick i was angry at him because he choose to leave my home to go on a drinking and drug spree,a couple weeks later he came to my house to ask for a couple dollars i got mad and said no and shut the door on him,i did get a chance to say i was sorry,but i wish i wasnt so harsh on him,i thought it would help put sense into him.
same thing this january,i lost my uncle(only 47 or 48 years old)from an overdose.but a few months before he was doing drugs,he my son and i went to dinner,he stayed the night so we could attend a family bday together the next day.well the morning of he asked to use my vehicle to go get cigs,i said no way i dont let anyone drive my car and we will get some on our way out and he could also have a couple of mine.i said you dont even have a license,he yes i do,i had one for a long time and opened his wallet to show me,plus i figured it must be true since his job has him move around vehicles around daliy.he asked my SO to use his car and he said yes and my son want to go,anyway my uncle took alost 2 hours to go to the store that is a few minutes up the road,he ended up driving around and stoping to see his brother,my other uncle.
anyway later after we went to the bday party i took him home,later that night my other uncle called and asked why i let his brother drive our car when he doesnt have a lisence,i said he showed me it,he does,he said no,he showed you his state id(his id was in the little window clear thing in his wallet,it looked like his lisence to me.
well i was so upset that he lied and was driving my son around that i ignored his calls for a couple of weeks.then i hear he is out there on drugs(he didnt use drugs before)and i couldnt get a hold of him,no phone and didnt know were he was,but i told my SO i want to tell him im not upset anymore and i love him,but i didnt get a chance because he od and died.