Post # 1
So I have heard pros and cons for both situations. I think I would really like all my bridesmaids to look the same. I have a friend that let her bridesmaids choose what dress they wanted to wear as long as they were all the same color and each BM had a different style (so no two alike!) then two of her BM fought over one style so she ended up with two BM in the same style. She said it ended up being more stressful and regrets letting them choose.
Then on the other end, I know someone who chose the dress, shoes, etc for all her bridesmaids and she had problems with them not liking the dress, shoes, prices, etc.
What do you think?
Post # 3
I think you can do whatever fits you and your BM’s best. For my BM’s and I it’s just easier for me to pick it all, but I’ve been in serveral weddings where we BM’s picked their own style and shoes.
Post # 4
It’s hard to answer this poll because there are definitely a million right ways to do this! It depends on several things including the stye of your wedding, your personal preference, probably the financial situation of your BM’s and the variety in sizes and styels about the BM
It’s different for every bride and bridesmaids. I picked out my BM’s dresses and am letting them do hair, jewelry and shoes of their chocie.
Post # 5
Well I didn’t vote. If there was a choice for other, or to decide together, I would have selected that. I think the bride is well within her rights to choose something she likes, and in a color fabric etc. But I think it is only fair to let the BMs have a say. There are so many things to consider. What if the style you’d like looks horrible on some? Or someone is too self conscious to wear something strapless, or someting short? Colors I think should really be what the bride wants. I understand some colors might not be flattering to some BMs, but unless it’s absolutely terrible…. I think brides are more committed to the colors they want, than necessarily the specific dress style. Just my 2 cents.
If you’re worried about bickering, think of the style you like best, and ask if anyone objects to the one you prefer. Chances are they will be less likely to speak against what you want, rather than feeling like it’s perefectly acceptable to argue with another BM, being on equal footing. You probably will get it figured out. If it’s a real issue, maybe consider some girls having jackets or wraps, if they prefer, or doing the drsss seperates that some designers offer. (But I understand wanting to have it all uniform.)
Post # 6
I think it depends on the crowd! I had six BMs, only two of whom were local. I figured it would actually be easier on them for me to chose one dress, than for the all of them to have to find their own in a specific color/length. I took the two local girls shopping, snapped pics of them in all the dresses, and then sent them to the group for a vote (and everyone had a veto option, to make sure they didn’t end up in anything they hated). I picked the one I liked most out of the top 2-3, ordered them and shipped them all out. I think the let them pick it out thing works best if 1) they like to shop 2) the color/length is common or 3) you find a designer that has multiple options you like.
Everything else was up to them – shoes, accessories, hair, etc. It was funny because about 3 days before the wedding they started emailing around to coordinate jewelry which I thought was adorable. I probably should have told them I bought them earrings but i didn’t want them to feel obligated to wear them 🙂
Post # 7
Where’s the option for choosing together? That would be my vote. Choose together the dress and let them pick accessories, shoes, etc.
Post # 8
I picked the dress color but I brought 3 of the girls along to pick out a style they liked. I checked with them about their preferences first, but we all have similar styles so the final decision wasn’t hard. They’ll pick their own shoes–I might recommend a color or a style if there is a really good sale! Hair, makeup, and accessories will definitely be up to them.
Post # 9
I voted that I picked just the dress, but actually they picked it from my top options that I had selected. They get to wear their own jewelry and shoes, and I’m surprising them with shawls.
Post # 10
I went into dress shopping with the thought that they would all choose a style that they felt comfy in as long as they were all tea length and a color/fabric I chose. Turns out they all decided on the same one. So I have matching bridesmaids now. I told them to pick out whatever shoes they wanted and jewelry I am ok with them choosing as well. I’m not terribly picky, I just want them to feel great. The better they feel, the more likely they are to show it in photos…
I think every situation is different though. I have 2 bridesmaids who whole heartedly admit they have no fashion sense and asked not to be left to their own devices. So with them I am shopping for shoes and accessories. The others have impeccable taste and I’m sure they will look stunning without any guidance.
Post # 11
All of my girls were local, so we all went together and they all chose 1 dress with me getting final choice. I let them choose shoes and accessories. I am a bridesmaid in 2 weeks, and although I will never wear the dress again, I am totally fine with that because the bridemaids’ dress is a big deal for the bride, too. But she also chose the shoes, and they are hideous and cost me $60. I will never wear them again, and seriously, they scream "BRIDESMAID." But it is what she wants, so I will not say a word, although I would have really liked a choice in that matter!
Post # 12
Loveatfirstsightlover and others! I would probably go shopping with some of them to make sure it looked right on them! I would probably choose a couple that I like then possibly let them decide which they like best out of all of them. Though I want them all the same so if they fought over which one, I would ultimately have to choose completly from the top ones I narrowed it down to!
Thanks everyone for your opinions, Its always better to be prepared for any issues that may arise with whatever way I decide to handle it!
Post # 13
We decided most things together, though I did try to find a way to state my preference. I am letting them pick their shoes, but I did mention a color I thought would look best with the dress. I also mentioned that pearls might look best with the dress, but I don’t really care what they’ll wear. They asked me for suggestions and really wanted to know what I wanted them to wear. One was even surprised that I didn’t care how they did their hair!
Post # 14
I looked at dresses with my BM and we all sort of agreed on a dress. Still need to pick our color though!! I will buy their accessories for them and just ask them to wear gold strappy shoes.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor
We’re doing more of a collaboration ( I mean, after I said get this one then changed my mind). They’re helping research dresses and shoes. I kinda like one dress better than they do – but really, they’re buying it and isn’t it better if they have a dress they really want and will actually wear again?
ps. If any of you know of gray (not silver) low shoes please PM me, we can’t find ones we like!
Post # 16
have you tried zappos.com for shoes? They usually have a big selection!