Post # 1
My Fiance and I have been together 10 years, engaged for 6. So naturally our friends expect us to get married and now that we have finally set a date and are putting plans into motion… all of my girlfriends are asking me questions like “so what colors are our desses going to be?” “should I start letting my hair grow out now?” “What kind of flowers are you going to use b/c I don’t like…blah blah blah”
I don’t know what to say because I haven’t thought about who I would ask to be my bridesmaids. My groom is having 5 guys on his side, outside of my bestie Idk about the other 4!!
My group(s) of friends are different and I rarely hang out with them all together at the same time. I have “stay at home mom” friends that I do dinner and wine with (along with playdates and other mom things). And I have single friends that I go out to nite clubs and the beach with.
My Fiance says that his choice was easy b/c he couldn’t do anything without his boys (that he grew up with) but my case is different…it depends on what we’re doing is how I pick my crowd (and I didn’t grow up with any of them). I really don’t know how to go about doing this. If I pick 2 from each group is someone’s feelings going to get hurt? What do I say to the people that assume they will be asked?!? Asking relatives is out (I don’t have any lol)
HELP!! How did all of you handle your decision?
Post # 3
Do you think everyone in both groups would want to be your bridesmaid? I wonder if your friends who are married and/or with kids might prefer to just be a guest? If that’s the case, I’d choose the friends who are unmarried and would look forward to being a bridesmaid, and not see it as an obligation. If your friends with kids are really wanting to be bridesmaids, then I’d choose the people most important to you, whatever the number is, and not worry about having and even number of Groomsmen & BMs.
Post # 4
I understand how you feel. I have a lot of different friends, as well, and as soon as I was engaged, some of them started hinting and offering to be bridesmaids.
I ended up picking my sister, some of my oldest friends, and Fi’s sister. I complained to everyone else about how hard it is to pick bridesmaids and how I wish I could pick everyone. I didn’t not even want that many, but I ended up with six.
No matter what you decide, someone is bound to feel a little hurt. Some people think of it with a significance that you didn’t intend. Just the other day, one of my friends complained that she is a little hurt that she has known me for years, but will not “be in the wedding pictures.” Of course she will be in the pictures, but I guess she means that one picture of the bridal party in the church. I care about this friend very much, but I never really considered her for a bridesmaid because she is really poor right now – I would rather give her money to pay her rent than ask her to pay for clothes and accessories. Also, her personality is one where she is more likely to be helping run things, than walk around in a pretty dress.
I guess if you want to make it easier, you can have a very small bridal party and tell everyone that you didn’t want too many people. Or, pick people who meet a certain category – “family” or “unmarried” or “known for 8+ years” – and tell others you picked according to the category. Let others know what a hard decision it was. Reasonable people will know that you can’t have half the wedding guests in the bridal party and they shouldn’t take it personally.
Hopefully, the ones who feel hurt will get over it. That is what I am hoping.